That's What Friends Are For...

Friendships are an often studied and discussed topic. They are the subject of movies, books, poems, plays, and songs. In fact, one of my favorite rap songs addressing the issue of friends is by the legendary group Whodini. In their hip hop classic, "Friends", they address their opinions about friends:

Friends...
How many of us have them?
Friends...
Ones we can depend on?
Friends...
How many of us have them?
Friends...
Before we go any further, lets be...

Friends is a word we use everyday;
Most the time we use it in the wrong way.
Now you can look the word up, again and again,
But the dictionary doesn't know the meaning of friends

Although the dictionary strives to give a usable definition for the word friend, it can't properly define what a good friend is. As Whodini goes on to say, "a friend is somebody you judge for yourself." Each friendship has its own requirements to be satisfying and each person may require different things from different friends.

Do you have a crew of folks that you can count on when the going gets tough or do you have just one true blue dyed in the wool friend? Do you still hang with the folks you grew up with or is your current inner circle made up of people from college or your career? In many ways, it doesn't even matter when or how you met your friends. It is more important that you have relationships that sustain you. However, you must realize that friendship is a two way street. Reciprocity should be the main objective when working towards a relationship that strives to be mutually satisfying. With that in mind, ask yourself if you are a good friend. Are you tending to your friendships with care and concern? Do you treat your friends with the same consideration that you want to be shown?

How do you learn to be a good friend? I have found that the most important things for maintaining good friendships are to avoid toxic people and to avoid being a toxic person. All relationship come with a level of complexity, but complexity doesn't equal conflict. One of the things that we do sometimes is to surround ourselves only with people who are just like us. What fun is that? While there is definitely comfort in dealing with the familiar, it is a wonderful thing to be able to learn and grow from your friendship.

If you are struggling in your relationships with your friends, perhaps it is time to reevaluate them. There is an often repeated adage that "you don't have to change friends if you realize that friends change." This is true to a certain extent; perhaps your friendships just need to be redefined. I believe that everyone can benefit from at least one solid and supportive friend. Unfortunately, social networking sites have taken the word "friend" to a new level where any random stranger can automatically be added to your inner circle as a "friend."

The challenge is that in order to get a good friend, you must be a good friend. As our lives get busier, it is sometimes hard to maintain the level of contact that you once had with your friends. I know that in my own life, I haven't had a chance to sit down with some of my closest friends in the ways that I want--I am working on that now. However, as we all know, the best friendships are the ones that pick right back up whenever you talk like no time was ever missed. I have been blessed with a wonderfully diverse crew of friends who are like family to me. My life is enriched by the fact that I have friends who serve different roles in my life and allow me to serve many roles in their lives as well. To my friends, in the words of the Golden Girls theme song: "thank you for being a friend." Open your heart to the possibilities that a strong friendship can offer and enjoy the richness that fully fleshed out friendships can bring.

"That's What Friends Are For" by Dionne Warwick and Friends