Welcome to the Holiday Season 2010. This is our chance to buy, buy, buy, more, more, more! This is the time for mass consumption of food, beverage and material purchases!! Black Friday, Cyber Monday, BOGO--sales, sales, sales!! My head spins with the thought of the number of bargains I could be taking advantage of even. as. I. type. Here is my chance to get that big screen t.v, that leather work bag, that brand new microwave, game systems for my kids and a computer for the husband!!! Ca--ching!!!! I am sure by now you have recognized my sarcasm--oh, you were about to call to see if I needed a shopping partner? o_O Well then this post is for YOU!!
Full disclosure: I love this time of year!! The parties, the family, the food, the fun, the joy, the music, the tree, the lights, the...everything! What I don't like about this time of the year is the mad dash for over consumption. The non-stop commercials to buy more, as if love can be measured by dollars spent. Hey, I am not begrudging anyone who wants to go out and spend his/her hard earned money on gifts for family and friends (another disclosure: I love gifts). What I do not like is buying for buying's sake. What's that? I repeat, I do not like buying for buying's sake. I cannot stand to see people running to the malls, lining up outside of stores just because someone has said that there is a deal to be found. I cannot stand the thought of brand new things piling up in people's basements, attics, closets, crawl spaces, car trunks, etc. never to be used because there is just soooo much to wade through and so we forget we even have all that stuff.
All that stuff that could be getting used by someone else, all that stuff that could benefit someone else. All that stuff--stuff we buy to cover up our feelings of inadequacy, our lack of self-worth, our need for love, our desire to be the Joneses...a space that needs filling in our lives, so we became super consumers--"did you see what I just bought?" What about what you have done to help someone, change someone, impact someone? In these times of want, there are so many people in need--right in our backyards is someone who can benefit from our generosity, our kindness, our charity.
Listen, I am not saying that you shouldn't buy gifts or spend money on wanted items. What I am suggesting is that we all take stock of our lives and see where we overspend on frivolous things. Especially during these economic times. Especially during this time of the year. Especially...aw shucks, y'all--just help someone, somewhere, somehow. Peace.
Give Love on Christmas Day--Jackson 5
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
All I Do Is Win...
Recently, I was talking to someone who mentioned that people often said she acted as if she were "better" than them. Uh-oh. I'm sure some of you have heard that phrase before from someone who thought you were "bourgie", "siddity", "stuck up" or some other such descriptor that alluded to your perceived worth. I can't tell you the numbers of times I have heard someone (or me) being accused of acting like he/she was better than the speaker of the words: "you think you're better than me because you have (insert some arbitrary measure they have used to determine your worth)." Pause tape. What do you do when someone accuses you of putting on airs or acting "better?"
I used to cringe every time someone accused me of "talking white" or thinking I was better than he/she was. Now I know better. Puh-lease. I do think I'm better than that. If that is sitting on my butt, not doing anything, speaking broken English, not reading books, not getting an education, not volunteering, not taking care of my family, not being happy in my marriage. D*mn straight!! Notice I didn't say I thought I was better than them; I said I was better than that. Let me tell you something--the world does not begin or end with your success or your failure. Yup, I said it. I repeat: the world does not begin or end with your success or your failure. What you choose to do with yourself may only impact those in your circle. A lucky few of us will be able to impact people in greater numbers. That being said, Do YOU!!
Who cares what the next person says about who and how you are? Heck yeah, you should think you are better; you might even think you fancy, huh? Good stuff!! You should!! In every moment, you should strive to do your best, be your best and live your best life! You don't owe folks any explanations about wanting more for you and yours. You don't owe folks any reasons for wanting to do more and be more. You should set the bar high for your personal success and do what it takes to achieve your goals.
Let me tell you about me and I say this with no arrogance or snootiness: all I do is win!! Yup, I said it. Chest out, full bravado intact: all I do is win. I make no small work of winning because I work hard for all I have and do. Wait--I'm not talking about material possessions; I am talking about how I live my life. There are very few things that I have wanted to do and I haven't. You know why? 'Cause all I do is win!! And the more I win, the more I can help other people tap into their abilities to win. The more I win, I can work towards doing more, being more, helping more, living more, seeing more, more, more, more...I dream big and so I live out loud, I color outside the lines and I enjoy myself in the small moments. I determine my worth, I define my value, I set the benchmark for who and how I am. All I do is win--do you?
Hate On Me by Jill Scott
I used to cringe every time someone accused me of "talking white" or thinking I was better than he/she was. Now I know better. Puh-lease. I do think I'm better than that. If that is sitting on my butt, not doing anything, speaking broken English, not reading books, not getting an education, not volunteering, not taking care of my family, not being happy in my marriage. D*mn straight!! Notice I didn't say I thought I was better than them; I said I was better than that. Let me tell you something--the world does not begin or end with your success or your failure. Yup, I said it. I repeat: the world does not begin or end with your success or your failure. What you choose to do with yourself may only impact those in your circle. A lucky few of us will be able to impact people in greater numbers. That being said, Do YOU!!
Who cares what the next person says about who and how you are? Heck yeah, you should think you are better; you might even think you fancy, huh? Good stuff!! You should!! In every moment, you should strive to do your best, be your best and live your best life! You don't owe folks any explanations about wanting more for you and yours. You don't owe folks any reasons for wanting to do more and be more. You should set the bar high for your personal success and do what it takes to achieve your goals.
Let me tell you about me and I say this with no arrogance or snootiness: all I do is win!! Yup, I said it. Chest out, full bravado intact: all I do is win. I make no small work of winning because I work hard for all I have and do. Wait--I'm not talking about material possessions; I am talking about how I live my life. There are very few things that I have wanted to do and I haven't. You know why? 'Cause all I do is win!! And the more I win, the more I can help other people tap into their abilities to win. The more I win, I can work towards doing more, being more, helping more, living more, seeing more, more, more, more...I dream big and so I live out loud, I color outside the lines and I enjoy myself in the small moments. I determine my worth, I define my value, I set the benchmark for who and how I am. All I do is win--do you?
Hate On Me by Jill Scott
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Something Like a Circle of Sisters
Sister, you've been on my mind,
Sister, we're two of a kind,
So, sister, I'm keepin' my eye on you...
I want to dispel a myth that women can't and don't get along. Ever since I can remember, I have had a wonderful sisterhood with a diverse group of women who have my back, my front and everything in between. I know I have been fortunate to have so many supportive women in my life. You wanna meet them? Start some mess with me and and what feels like a nation of strong women will begin braiding their hair, vaselining their faces and removing their earrings to settle a score with someone/anyone who has done me wrong. Why, you ask? Well, because I am one of their own. And they know it's reciprocal...I will do and have done it for them.
I love all my sisters even when we don't see to eye to eye. Who wants to hang with sheep? I love differences of opinions because that means that we all have pulses. See, I run with a crew of battle ready, intellectually armed, community minded, supersistas. Women who have their stuff to-gethuh (insert cool '70's posturing). And even when they struggle or flounder or stumble...they know enough to reach out to one of their own to be the hand they fan with, the leg they stand on, the shoulder they lean on. Because supersistas recognize that having the whole world in your hands can be hard and sometimes, you need someone who speaks your language to help you out (Insert sister signals).
Yeah, I have a husband, a great one in fact, but let me tell you, baaaaaaaaaby, ain't nothin' like your true blue, bonafide, sister crew. I mean, if you have a good crew because there is nothing like the connection between women who know. Women who are fierce, dynamic, kind, nurturing, informed, engaging, intelligent...women who are women.
Recently my husband, my children and I drove over 800 miles so that I could see a friend I hadn't seen in 15 years. Why? Because I wanted to see her, needed to see her. There wasn't anything wrong with her or our relationship. Although we had remained connected, we hadn't seen each other in a long time. And I wanted to change that. I needed to change that. Why? Because I wanted to see her, needed to see her. And so I did. And we fell right back in step...we joked, we teased, we reminisced, we laughed and we connected like no time had elapsed since our last face to face visit. You know why? Because we are supersistas.
So let me give a public shout out to my supergirl crew who sustains me in every moment of my existence. To the biological ones (sisters and sistercousins) who share my DNA--thank you. To the ones I grew up with who still remain my friends--thank you. To the ones I met in high school--thank you. To the ones I met at work or in college--thank you. To the ones I met through my children, for my children or dealing with some children--thank you. To the ones who listen to my rants, laugh at my jokes, fuel my dreams, encourage my ambitions, extinguish my doubts, analyze my fear, recognize my worth, cherish my love--thank you, thank you, and a million times--THANK YOU! I love you more than words can express and I love you more than you will ever know.
Miss Celie's Blues
Sister, we're two of a kind,
So, sister, I'm keepin' my eye on you...
I want to dispel a myth that women can't and don't get along. Ever since I can remember, I have had a wonderful sisterhood with a diverse group of women who have my back, my front and everything in between. I know I have been fortunate to have so many supportive women in my life. You wanna meet them? Start some mess with me and and what feels like a nation of strong women will begin braiding their hair, vaselining their faces and removing their earrings to settle a score with someone/anyone who has done me wrong. Why, you ask? Well, because I am one of their own. And they know it's reciprocal...I will do and have done it for them.
I love all my sisters even when we don't see to eye to eye. Who wants to hang with sheep? I love differences of opinions because that means that we all have pulses. See, I run with a crew of battle ready, intellectually armed, community minded, supersistas. Women who have their stuff to-gethuh (insert cool '70's posturing). And even when they struggle or flounder or stumble...they know enough to reach out to one of their own to be the hand they fan with, the leg they stand on, the shoulder they lean on. Because supersistas recognize that having the whole world in your hands can be hard and sometimes, you need someone who speaks your language to help you out (Insert sister signals).
Yeah, I have a husband, a great one in fact, but let me tell you, baaaaaaaaaby, ain't nothin' like your true blue, bonafide, sister crew. I mean, if you have a good crew because there is nothing like the connection between women who know. Women who are fierce, dynamic, kind, nurturing, informed, engaging, intelligent...women who are women.
Recently my husband, my children and I drove over 800 miles so that I could see a friend I hadn't seen in 15 years. Why? Because I wanted to see her, needed to see her. There wasn't anything wrong with her or our relationship. Although we had remained connected, we hadn't seen each other in a long time. And I wanted to change that. I needed to change that. Why? Because I wanted to see her, needed to see her. And so I did. And we fell right back in step...we joked, we teased, we reminisced, we laughed and we connected like no time had elapsed since our last face to face visit. You know why? Because we are supersistas.
So let me give a public shout out to my supergirl crew who sustains me in every moment of my existence. To the biological ones (sisters and sistercousins) who share my DNA--thank you. To the ones I grew up with who still remain my friends--thank you. To the ones I met in high school--thank you. To the ones I met at work or in college--thank you. To the ones I met through my children, for my children or dealing with some children--thank you. To the ones who listen to my rants, laugh at my jokes, fuel my dreams, encourage my ambitions, extinguish my doubts, analyze my fear, recognize my worth, cherish my love--thank you, thank you, and a million times--THANK YOU! I love you more than words can express and I love you more than you will ever know.
Miss Celie's Blues
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Throwing Words Like Stones
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."
How many of us have used this phrase and been so certain that we were making a good point? How many of us used this as our personal motto in order to move through the aftermath of someone else's verbal venom? I have. I didn't understand that this statement is sooo incorrect and has no true value in terms of making one feel better. You know why? Because words do hurt. I know that the intention of this oft uttered phrase is to give one strength, a layer of armor. However, it doesn't fully address the hurt that's left after someone says something that's downright disturbing. You know why? Because words do hurt.
Sticks and stones do break bones, but words can break hearts. I know that you can kill someone with a well aimed stick or stone, but guess what? A well aimed verbal assault can kill someone's spirit, destroy his/her soul. You know why? BECAUSE WORDS DO HURT. Words have value, important value in fact. It's the reason why you yell, "FIRE!!!" when your house is in flames, rather than yelling, "YOGURT!!" It's why you say, "I love you" and not, "I bungle you."
Too often, we speak without thinking, and cast words like stones. We fire words like weapons. We condemn, spite, demean, degrade, denigrate and...we destroy. And the sad part is, we don't always recognize it. We say it's who we are, we didn't mean it, I'm sorry, but...You know what, though? Words hurt and we need to be mindful of how we use them.
The next time you feel yourself about to deliver a verbal beat down, give a scathing commentary or make a disparaging remark, take a moment to reflect on your relationship with the person you are speaking to. If it's someone you love, like, care about, may need in the future, may cross professional paths with, etc., take a second to gather yourself before you speak. Because although you may feel like you have to get it off your chest, you may not get the results you intended. Because words hurt and people remember and they may not forgive you when you try to use your words to apologize.
Maya Angelou says, “Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning.” When you have the opportunity to speak your words, use them to empower, to encourage, to enlighten because at the end of the day, words have power. Use yours wisely.
India Arie "Talk to Her"
How many of us have used this phrase and been so certain that we were making a good point? How many of us used this as our personal motto in order to move through the aftermath of someone else's verbal venom? I have. I didn't understand that this statement is sooo incorrect and has no true value in terms of making one feel better. You know why? Because words do hurt. I know that the intention of this oft uttered phrase is to give one strength, a layer of armor. However, it doesn't fully address the hurt that's left after someone says something that's downright disturbing. You know why? Because words do hurt.
Sticks and stones do break bones, but words can break hearts. I know that you can kill someone with a well aimed stick or stone, but guess what? A well aimed verbal assault can kill someone's spirit, destroy his/her soul. You know why? BECAUSE WORDS DO HURT. Words have value, important value in fact. It's the reason why you yell, "FIRE!!!" when your house is in flames, rather than yelling, "YOGURT!!" It's why you say, "I love you" and not, "I bungle you."
Too often, we speak without thinking, and cast words like stones. We fire words like weapons. We condemn, spite, demean, degrade, denigrate and...we destroy. And the sad part is, we don't always recognize it. We say it's who we are, we didn't mean it, I'm sorry, but...You know what, though? Words hurt and we need to be mindful of how we use them.
The next time you feel yourself about to deliver a verbal beat down, give a scathing commentary or make a disparaging remark, take a moment to reflect on your relationship with the person you are speaking to. If it's someone you love, like, care about, may need in the future, may cross professional paths with, etc., take a second to gather yourself before you speak. Because although you may feel like you have to get it off your chest, you may not get the results you intended. Because words hurt and people remember and they may not forgive you when you try to use your words to apologize.
Maya Angelou says, “Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning.” When you have the opportunity to speak your words, use them to empower, to encourage, to enlighten because at the end of the day, words have power. Use yours wisely.
India Arie "Talk to Her"
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