* Please note that the monkeys that I am talking about are not intended to infer the racially insensitive monkey/ape references used to diminish the character of Black folks. I'm speaking to the old African proverb that directly addresses metaphorical monkeys. #sonowyouknow
Today I posted a Facebook (FB) status that included the following side note (SN): one monkey don't stop no show. This colloquial manifesto has aided many folks throughout the times to let other folks know that their actions won't deter progress. In Broadway-esque terms: the show must go on. After posting this "stat" (learn FB lingo), I was surprised at how quickly my friends "liked" my message. I got many cyber daps, fist pumps, and hallelujah hand waves (that's from the Chu'uch) in agreement. This seemingly last minute addition to my morning greeting empowered folks with its simplicity and its profundity. I know how relevant it was in my own experience, but I guess it surprised me that folks had been dealing with the same sort of inflated egos that I had been dealing with.
I am often amazed by how many adults exhibit child-like behaviors when things don't go their way. They have the equivalent of a temper tantrum by shutting you out and trying to shut you up. These are the same adults who will let you know how grown they are, but really they are too tall toddlers. Seriously...Where dey do dat at? (Translation: why do you find that behavior acceptable?) Instead of sitting down like rational beings and trying to come to a compromise, they play the victim role and try to impede your actions (Passive Aggression 101). That's not kosher. In my understanding, adults disagree. That's expected. But it's not the disagreement that's problematic; it's the way it's handled. For example: I love my husband, but we don't always have the same viewpoints on stuff and so we disagree (surprise!). But (and this is important), he's not cussing me out and I'm not cussing him out. Neither one of us is calling each other names or talking about the other's mother. You know why? Because we respect each other. However, we do disagree and then we discuss. And you know what? Most times we even come to a compromise that allows us both to protect our self-hood and be whole people. That's grown up.
Now, them showstopping monkeys? Well, they don't want to do that. Some of them cuss, scream, shout, etc. Monkeys acting like donkeys...this leaves me shaking my head. I can't stand dramatic donkey (er, um...monkey) antics. But not all monkeys act up out loud. Some of them just quit. Or try to get you to quit. Or walk away. Some of them try to interrupt your flow (and maybe even your money), by trying to pull rank and closing down shop. *Insert side-eye.* Once again, where dey do dat at? What would make someone (or several somebodies) think that they had that much power over your life or your actions? Get over yourself. Fareal fareal. And why would you even want to try to control someone with "bully-baby" strategies? It's ridiculous to the point that it's laughable. But you know what? It's actually pretty sad. You know why? Because everybody has his/her own something. We each have stuff that we are dealing with. That's the truth of the world. Now another truth is that no one wants to deal with showstopping monkeys because you can't trust their actions or reactions. I know I don't. I don't like quitters, but I can't stand emotional bullies. I don't want anyone to think that they can force my hand by trying to press my buttons. #it'snotthateasy.
See, I believe in living an untethered life. This means that I don't want to owe anybody anything. But (and this is a big but), I understand that people need people. And so I treat people the way that I want to be treated. Considering this, I learn to compromise. I learn to work in spaces that allow other people to grow and prosper. It isn't my mission to diminish or control. That's not how I live my life. I want all beings to have the right to full governance of self. Seriously. Who wants to hang with a bunch of sheep who can't make up their own minds? I don't. I love rolling with a crew of folks with sharpened minds who move in their own spaces. I love hanging with confident people who trust me enough to know that I love them even in disagreement. My loyalty isn't fickle and neither am I. Remember that you should never allow anyone's actions to dictate the framework of your existence. You are powerful in your independent thoughts and actions. You should always have a fall back plan if things fall apart. Never construct your dreams based on anyone else's definitions. And remember: one monkey don't stop no show. Peace.
Lauryn Hill "Forgive Them Father"
Showing posts with label Difficult People. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Difficult People. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Spring Cleaning: Getting Rid of Donkeys
Some of y'all might remember my post on reciprocity. If not, see it here. Well, I mentioned how you should treat people how they treat you: give a little; get a little. I like the idea of "one hand washes the other." But I want to revisit the idea of reciprocity because I think it has another layer. I've been thinking on this since I wrote my last post. Here's the deal--I try to treat people well. However, I've been noticing that some people want, no, expect good treatment even when they give you their butts to kiss. And they feel comfortable enough to mistreat you in ways that are unmistakable. Say what? (Insert sassy 70's soul posturing). It's the truth. I have had my share of dealing with donkeys and they seem to expect you to overlook their bad behaviors 'cause that's just how they are. #growup.
You know the type: moody, sometime-y (it's a word, move along), dramatic, etc. And they always have something going on. Something that usually doesn't involve you, but somehow gets you caught up in it. Amazingly, they feel that their "stuff" is more significant than yours and just oh, well, you should understand 'cause that's how they are. *blank stare* I should? Well, then tell me the part where I get to do the same to you and you understand?! Ha! Naw, Homey don't play that! I mean, Homey can't play that. Fareal. Listen, the world is a hard enough place without having to drag the carcasses of other folks' dead souls along with you. Seriously. We live our lives on hamster wheels, constantly in search of the thing that will bring us satisfaction. Dealing with negative energy will never sustain you. Ne.ver. Let me be perfectly clear: dealing with toxic people will drain your energy. So, save yourself. Cut them out of your lives completely.
Toxic people are emotional bullies. They use a variety of tactics to bring you down to their level. It's ridiculous. If you have a strong sense of who you are, then no one can break your resolve. I know that I have been through some stuff in my life and I understand that tomorrow is not promised to anyone. And in the time you have on Earth (or wherever you are in the galaxy), you make sure that you surround yourself with folks who love you and will support you. Consistently. Not just when they feel like it or when you do what they want you to. I mean, surround yourself with people who will build you up, but never hold you up in your wrongdoing. People who, in spite of your flaws (or because of them), love you still.
So, today I am doing some Spring cleaning. Let me make my public announcement: (tapping mic and clearing my throat): I will no longer allow the unfortunate ones to take up space in my world. Your inconsistent behavior is draining and I refuse to let you occupy one more inch of my space. I am releasing you from any personal connections to me. It's my final act of reciprocity. *exhale* Listen, life is too short to deal with folks who steal your joy. You determine who is important enough to warrant your time, your energy, your you. Seriously. You don't have to bargain for your place in anyone's world. If folks can't be bothered with or by you--hakuna matata (no worries). Cut them out of your world and keep it steppin'. You'll be a better person for it.
Peace!
Lauryn Hill "Lost Ones"
You know the type: moody, sometime-y (it's a word, move along), dramatic, etc. And they always have something going on. Something that usually doesn't involve you, but somehow gets you caught up in it. Amazingly, they feel that their "stuff" is more significant than yours and just oh, well, you should understand 'cause that's how they are. *blank stare* I should? Well, then tell me the part where I get to do the same to you and you understand?! Ha! Naw, Homey don't play that! I mean, Homey can't play that. Fareal. Listen, the world is a hard enough place without having to drag the carcasses of other folks' dead souls along with you. Seriously. We live our lives on hamster wheels, constantly in search of the thing that will bring us satisfaction. Dealing with negative energy will never sustain you. Ne.ver. Let me be perfectly clear: dealing with toxic people will drain your energy. So, save yourself. Cut them out of your lives completely.
Toxic people are emotional bullies. They use a variety of tactics to bring you down to their level. It's ridiculous. If you have a strong sense of who you are, then no one can break your resolve. I know that I have been through some stuff in my life and I understand that tomorrow is not promised to anyone. And in the time you have on Earth (or wherever you are in the galaxy), you make sure that you surround yourself with folks who love you and will support you. Consistently. Not just when they feel like it or when you do what they want you to. I mean, surround yourself with people who will build you up, but never hold you up in your wrongdoing. People who, in spite of your flaws (or because of them), love you still.
So, today I am doing some Spring cleaning. Let me make my public announcement: (tapping mic and clearing my throat): I will no longer allow the unfortunate ones to take up space in my world. Your inconsistent behavior is draining and I refuse to let you occupy one more inch of my space. I am releasing you from any personal connections to me. It's my final act of reciprocity. *exhale* Listen, life is too short to deal with folks who steal your joy. You determine who is important enough to warrant your time, your energy, your you. Seriously. You don't have to bargain for your place in anyone's world. If folks can't be bothered with or by you--hakuna matata (no worries). Cut them out of your world and keep it steppin'. You'll be a better person for it.
Peace!
Lauryn Hill "Lost Ones"
Monday, March 14, 2011
Channeling Dr. Doolittle or Dealing With Donkeys
Ok, so before you think I have lost my mind, let me tell you who I define as "donkeys."* Donkeys (no offense to the beast of burden) are difficult people who make your life miserable for no reason AT. ALL. In other words, they're jack@sses.
No matter who you are, even the most non-judgmental of us have had to deal with so-called Donkeys. They're everywhere: at home, at school, in the workplace, at church and in the department store parking lot (to name a few areas). Their sole purpose is to permeate the air with negative energy and bad vibes. They are harbingers of doom and signal that some terrible stuff is about to go down whenever they come around. I'm serious: you've seen them, sitting somewhere looking sour, faces all screwed up, just terrible...Now, it's not my mission in life to change people (hey, you can't help folks who don't want to be helped), but I can't take the Donkeys. Fareal. Fareal.
Riddle me this: if you are miserable and unhappy within yourself, why can't you keep that to yourself? Seriously. Because Donkeys are known to be otherwise stingy with their stuff (material things, good energy), why can't they keep their att-i-tudes to themselves? I guess that sounds too much like right. Why be miserable by yourself when you can darken someone else's day? (Insert side eye and raised eyebrow here). I guess it's our own fault though. We are becoming a society that celebrates cat fights, rude behavior and adult tantrums. Why be a civilized society when we can scream, shout, bellow or yell and have that substitute for communication? Geesh, Donkeys are taking over the world.
Now as this post is about dealing with Donkeys, I should probably give you a couple of tips on how to actually deal with them:
1) My top way to deal with Donkeys is DON'T. If you can help it, avoid them at all costs. If not, they will be like the dementors in Harry Potter--they will drain your souls. So if you don't have to share air with them, keep it moving. Trust me. You're better off.
Unfortunately, there are times that you have to deal with Donkeys (see above situations), so here are some ways to handle them:
1) If you have to deal with Donkeys (like at work or for a special project), try to limit the amount of time you actually have to talk to them. When you have to talk to them, be sure that you keep it focused on the task at hand. The minute the Donkey starts to stray off topic, get him/her back on track. You don't want to encourage negative conversation, malicious gossip or plain old grumbling. Don't get sucked into becoming a member of Donkeyville because some Donkeys are charming. Before you know it, you're griping and complaining, too.
2) Tell yourself, "it's them, not me." If you have to deal with someone who always sees the bad side of things, it's them. No matter how compelling the arguments are, negative people always see the worst in things. Their rose colored glasses focus on the thorns. Don't let their visions cloud your perspective. That's just their perspectives, don't let it become yours.
After you deal with Donkeys, you probably should hug a child, follow a rainbow, pat a fluffy dog, rock in a corner (you might be traumatized, ok?)...Whatever you do, be sure to purge their negative energy to remove it from your space. Negative people are toxic. Negative energy is toxic. Run!!! You don't want to get any of that on you. You might not be able to control what people do, but you can control what you allow to reside in your spirit. Negative people are draining; they exhaust the universe with their perpetual output of venom. If you are the person that I speak of, go get some counseling. Fareal. Get that mess fixed. Stop being a super toddler and get your tantrums in check! Seriously. It ain't cute and someone should have told you about that. Stop living your life at half empty; the world is much better enjoyed half full (even when it's shaken and/or stirred).
But for the rest of us who aren't Donkeys, protect yourself when interacting with them. Remember: no matter who you have to deal with, be sure that you live a life of abundance. Recognize that there is joy in every breath and purpose in every action. Peace.
*Name calling isn't nice, but the truth is the truth. Some folks are just plain ole nasty. And calling them Donkeys is nicer than some things they can be called.
Bob Marley "Three Little Birds"
No matter who you are, even the most non-judgmental of us have had to deal with so-called Donkeys. They're everywhere: at home, at school, in the workplace, at church and in the department store parking lot (to name a few areas). Their sole purpose is to permeate the air with negative energy and bad vibes. They are harbingers of doom and signal that some terrible stuff is about to go down whenever they come around. I'm serious: you've seen them, sitting somewhere looking sour, faces all screwed up, just terrible...Now, it's not my mission in life to change people (hey, you can't help folks who don't want to be helped), but I can't take the Donkeys. Fareal. Fareal.
Riddle me this: if you are miserable and unhappy within yourself, why can't you keep that to yourself? Seriously. Because Donkeys are known to be otherwise stingy with their stuff (material things, good energy), why can't they keep their att-i-tudes to themselves? I guess that sounds too much like right. Why be miserable by yourself when you can darken someone else's day? (Insert side eye and raised eyebrow here). I guess it's our own fault though. We are becoming a society that celebrates cat fights, rude behavior and adult tantrums. Why be a civilized society when we can scream, shout, bellow or yell and have that substitute for communication? Geesh, Donkeys are taking over the world.
Now as this post is about dealing with Donkeys, I should probably give you a couple of tips on how to actually deal with them:
1) My top way to deal with Donkeys is DON'T. If you can help it, avoid them at all costs. If not, they will be like the dementors in Harry Potter--they will drain your souls. So if you don't have to share air with them, keep it moving. Trust me. You're better off.
Unfortunately, there are times that you have to deal with Donkeys (see above situations), so here are some ways to handle them:
1) If you have to deal with Donkeys (like at work or for a special project), try to limit the amount of time you actually have to talk to them. When you have to talk to them, be sure that you keep it focused on the task at hand. The minute the Donkey starts to stray off topic, get him/her back on track. You don't want to encourage negative conversation, malicious gossip or plain old grumbling. Don't get sucked into becoming a member of Donkeyville because some Donkeys are charming. Before you know it, you're griping and complaining, too.
2) Tell yourself, "it's them, not me." If you have to deal with someone who always sees the bad side of things, it's them. No matter how compelling the arguments are, negative people always see the worst in things. Their rose colored glasses focus on the thorns. Don't let their visions cloud your perspective. That's just their perspectives, don't let it become yours.
After you deal with Donkeys, you probably should hug a child, follow a rainbow, pat a fluffy dog, rock in a corner (you might be traumatized, ok?)...Whatever you do, be sure to purge their negative energy to remove it from your space. Negative people are toxic. Negative energy is toxic. Run!!! You don't want to get any of that on you. You might not be able to control what people do, but you can control what you allow to reside in your spirit. Negative people are draining; they exhaust the universe with their perpetual output of venom. If you are the person that I speak of, go get some counseling. Fareal. Get that mess fixed. Stop being a super toddler and get your tantrums in check! Seriously. It ain't cute and someone should have told you about that. Stop living your life at half empty; the world is much better enjoyed half full (even when it's shaken and/or stirred).
But for the rest of us who aren't Donkeys, protect yourself when interacting with them. Remember: no matter who you have to deal with, be sure that you live a life of abundance. Recognize that there is joy in every breath and purpose in every action. Peace.
*Name calling isn't nice, but the truth is the truth. Some folks are just plain ole nasty. And calling them Donkeys is nicer than some things they can be called.
Bob Marley "Three Little Birds"
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