Sunday, January 30, 2011

I'm Somebody's Mama

I have been a mother for almost half of my life. I had my first child when I was still a child myself. At 19 years old, two years out of high school, four years into what I thought was true love, I became a mama for the first time. As I pushed my 12 weeks premature 2 lb. 8 oz. baby into the world, I knew I would forever be changed. And I was right; unknowingly, I stepped naturally into the role that was tailor made for me.

I didn't know it at the time, but I was born to be a mother. I would be at ease with the universe's calling for me to shape, mold and nurture the life of another. True story. And just four days after my beautiful baby was born, I locked horns with an unidentified demon to pull my first born child back from the brink of death. See, I spoke life into him and my voice was the one he heard calling him from a forever sleep; my voice spoke life into him and reclaimed his place among the living. I WON him back from the other side and from that moment on, I knew that I had powers greater than even I understood because I was someone's mother.

I gave birth to two other love children and with each exhale of new life, I felt my powers growing. In each labor movement (for that is what their births were), I felt the beauty of creation come together. I felt God in my children and because of their existence, I believed that there had to be a power higher than myself. I felt wonder in each of their kicks, pokes, flutters. I felt like I had unquantifiable, immeasurable, indescribable power because within my soul new beings were being formed. I was a super she, a maternal marvel because within my womb, wonder was being manipulated into human form and my children were being shaped.

I was enriched by my ability to bring forth life and to extend my physical self to my children's physical selves. In their kisses, hugs, snuggles, tickles, cuddles, I have been restored. See, we sometimes get it wrong as parents and focus on the fact that our children need us. I am telling you, I need my children. In every moment of their existence, I see the imprint of my expectations, the impact of my nurturing and the effect of my nourishment.

My children are loved. If you saw them, you'd know it because their laughter reaches from just above their heads and puddles just below their feet. They believe they can fly because their wings have been feathered by kind words, endless hope and everlasting encouragement. If you see my children, you will recognize that joy is possible because their smiles show evidence of love that spills over from the depths of their souls. My children are loved and when you look at them, you realize that they have happiness to spare and will kindly offer you a cup for your own. When you see my sons' walk, you see the strength of their spines and metaphors of mighty oaks emerge. You see them with their heads held erect, backs strong--walking to their futures, not running from them. When you see my daughter walk, you see the strength of a thousand sheroes who came before her and it is apparent that she has been bequeathed a legacy of graceful determination. Yeah, my kids are magical and in each of their movements, you understand that all they want will be had.

My children represent the best of me and in their eyes, I know that all I am is enough. I am Mother Earth, Mama Day, Ama. I am Mater, Madre, Mami. I am Mama, Ma, Mom. I am loved.

Erykah Badu "Ye Yo"

Monday, January 24, 2011

Testing...Testing...Testing...

Greetings,

This is just a test to check my newly updated networked blogs page...You can now follow my blog from your facebook account. Good stuff!! Testing...Testing...Testing...

Saturday, January 22, 2011

I Yam What I Yam...And I Love Me Still

I got a revelation, y'all. Come close because I don't want you to miss nary a minute of what I have to say. Lean in, closer, closer...yeah right there...What I want to tell you is: I LOVE ME SOME ME!!!!!!!!!! Yessir, yes ma'am, yessiree Bob and all of that. Today, at this moment, at this place in time: I am comfortable in my own skin.

That's a mouthful and it's no small endeavor. See, I am a self-reflective person. I constantly do a checks and balance on myself to see how I measure up to the person I want to be. Most times, I'm on point. But sometimes, well, sometimes--I fall short. Yeah, because even when I want to be better, I get stuck in the frailty of human emotion (and dare I say, ego) and I mess up. I don't always get it right. However, even in my moments of making mistakes or of doing a little less than I intended, I still love me. Yeah, I do. You know why? Because I should--plain and simple. There is no fancy equation or formula, it just is what it 'tis.

Often, we start looking sideways and comparing ourselves to the Jones' or whomever and we don't quite measure up in our estimation. But that's the problem--you don't know them people or what they are dealing with, so stop trying to be like them. Stop trying to do what they do and be how they be. Now, don't get me wrong--there isn't anything wrong with trying to find suitable role models and wanting to better yourself. As the kids say, "that's what's up" (translation: it is a good thing). But the danger is in living your life based on what other people do and say. The danger is in feeling as if you never are enough or that you can never get enough. That is dangerous, indeed. There is some satisfaction to be found in the scope of who you are. There is some satisfaction to be found in the YOU of who you are.

Come closer, I want to tell you something. Lean in closely and soak up all I have to say: YOU ARE YOUR BEST THING (Beloved reference). Fareal, fareal. If no one has ever told you before, I want you to know that there is beauty in every breath you take, in all of your moments. There is joy, hope, love, kindness, patience and peace inside of you. No one can take what you don't offer. See, I love me some me and it is no small statement I make when I tell you that I embrace myself--all my beauty, my pain, my joys, my sorrows, my missteps and my me. I love me and as I am changing, I continue to see the best of who I will become, one day, someday. But today, right now, at this moment in time, I love me just as I am. Do you love you?

Peace.

Jennifer Hudson "I Am Changing"

Monday, January 17, 2011

Don't Wake Me...Am I Dreaming?

In honor of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I would like to celebrate the man and his legacy by looking at where Black folks are today and examine if we have lost sight of his dream.

The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. has cemented his place in our world as an iconic figure. His speeches, essays, sermons, testimonials, marches, movements, vigils, sit ins, all underscore his rightful place as a cultural, spiritual, religious and human rights leader. On his national holiday, I am reflecting on Dr. King's dream and its upkeep by his descendants and beneficiaries.

Although Dr. King envisioned a world where "all of God's children" would come together, I'm going to direct this post to Black folks, Negroes, Coloreds, African Americans and yes, you so called, self proclaimed "N!gg@$"--I am especially talking to you. Dr. King paid the ultimate price with his life to ensure freedoms for all mankind. He gave his life, so that we could enjoy a world without limitations, without segregation, without discrimination. He put himself in the Lion's mouth to make sure that people he would never meet would be able to move about this world without restraints and restrictions. He sacrificed himself to make sure that our people and our families would be able to move through this world as FULL beings and enjoy a world that saw us as equal citizens. And here we are more than 40 years after his death and I ask you--how are you fanning the flames of Dr. King's Dream? How are you keeping his words and life's work alive?

Let me tell you what I know for sure: there are some beautiful people in the world--in all forms. But when I look at the state of affairs in the Black community overall (and I'm gonna be real general for illustration purposes), I am saddened. Let's look at Dr. King's words and examine where we are today. Let's see how we measure up to Dr. King's Dream:

"But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition" (MLK, "I Have a Dream"). Considering where we are in 2011, do you feel as if great progress has been made since the four decades when this speech was given? While we have a Black president (he self identifies as a Black man, no discussion needed), where is our representation in Congress? What about Black owned banks? Look around your neighborhood--do you live around mostly Black, White or a mix? Look at your group of friends--are they a mixed group or do the overwhelming majority look like you? What about statistics for joblessness, homelessness, drug addiction, imprisonment, etc.? Don't look at numbers, look at percentages. How many of us are still crippled by discrimination or have we bought into the hype of the so-called Post-Racial America?

"But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force" (MLK, "I Have a Dream"). As we move forward in our quest for righteousness, we must not use violence as a tool to get ahead. In my interpretation, I must speak to the violence in our own communities. In many ways, the violence that we direct inward and to our fellow brethren is a result of the way we are positioned in society. Because we are bombarded with images of Blacks as violent, misogynistic, drug addicted, sexually promiscuous, welfare living, low moral having, gun toting, ebonics talking, hip hop listening, pants sagging, unmarried baby making, no daddy having savages, we don't always embrace the beauty of who we are. We become discouraged and this leads to self-hate which can manifest in black on black violence. The violence that MLK said was unacceptable in regards to all movements toward progress. If we are to stop the destruction of our society, we must begin internally.

And finally, "With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day" (MLK "I Have a Dream"). Faith, hope, transformation, togetherness--these are the things that we need to move forward to become better, to do better. There are many of us who are walking the walk and talking the talk. There are many of us who are doing the right things in our families, communities, schools, churches, work places, etc. There are many, but...not enough. So today, I am asking you to move forward in the effort to make Dr. King's legacy a permanent fixture in our daily walk. We can't continue to live under the benchmark of greatness that has been claimed for our lives. We can't continue to live up to the ridiculous stereotypes that society has claimed for us. We must do better and we must do better NOW. We cannot continue to use slavery as the reason for our present misdeeds. The atrocities forced on our communities during that time may have some residue in today's society, but use that to motivate you towards greatness and not keep you down.

Do better, be better, want better, help more, do more, learn more, pull your pants up, get on birth control, honor your body, get an education, go to work, learn proper English, be brave, help your neighbor, protect your family, do your best, be your best, respect your elders, respect your families, respect yourself, clean your body, clean your mind, read a book, learn to spell, put down the guns, put away the knives, don't do drugs, raise your children, help your community...(or something like that). Happy MLK day! I'm living the Dream--are you?

An Early Interview With MLK

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Village People

One of my childhood friends posted on FB lamenting the loss of "The Village." Y'all know, "THE VILLAGE"? That place where old gra'mamas and gran'daddies were quick to cut a switch to chastise an unruly child? The neighborhood where any and ev'ry person older than you had a right to put you in your place and even spank your tail if need be (follow along, folks--there's gonna be a lot of colloquial language in this post). The place where all adults were addressed as Mrs., Mr. or Ms. So and So? Or if your family was close to them, they were called Auntie, Uncle or Cousin Such and Such? Everyone in The Village knew you and all of your bizness (if you were old enough to have any). The place where street gangs had standards and even operated like mini-Pac Tacs keeping the outside riff raff from harming the local folks (crazy, but true)?

I remember The Village: they were the folks who instilled the fear of God (pronounced GA-UHD--in my southern Baptist Preacher voice) in children and who made us stand up a little straighter and talk a little lower when they were within earshot or eye sight. The Villagers didn't, as James Brown said, "Take no mess" and thank goodness we didn't try them too often. Remember when we were growing up (anyone before 1980) and we had to sneak and do stuff? I remember knowing if anyone in my neighborhood saw me doing anything unbecoming, my @ss was grass and any one of them would be the lawnmower? (Insert trembling child here). Shute!! I was scared of these folks, not because they were mean (although some of them were); I was scared of these folks because I knew that their hopes and dreams were poured into me and their children and grandchildren and they were willing to do whatever to make sure that we didn't mess up. What.ever. (Who callin' CPS? You better toe the line!!)

Listen, I was raised by my grandmother, who hailed from the South. We grew up under "heavy manners" (as my Trini friend would say). The Village was watching: we polished our shoes on Sunday and washed any laces for sneakers; we wore foundation garments and slips under our dresses. The young men wore belts and hard bottomed shoes to church on Sunday. We brushed our hair and teeth with equal enthusiasm. We had to look sharp because The Villagers didn't play. Cleanliness was next to Godliness indeed!! We had Chores (*gasps*). Yup, actual chores that we did on Saturday mornings while listening to old school R and B on the local radio station. And we didn't complain (at least not loud enough to be heard--who had a death wish?). We hopped our dusty butts out the bed and got our buckets of pinesol, bleach, and furniture polish and went to work. The Villagers demanded a clean space as well as a clean body.

But the Village wasn't all pressed shirts and Saturday chores. The Village was kickball games, block parties, corner stores, juleps (whatchall know about a julep stand?), etc. It was a place where children could be children because the adults had their roles covered. We could stay out until the street lights came on and then we scattered (like roaches, I guess) and got home "just in time." Y'all remember kickball, dodge ball, shoot 'em bust 'em up (not as violent as it sounds), basketball at the local court or rec center? Do y'all remember penny candy that actually costed (yeah, I wrote costed) a penny? Do y'all remember peppermints in your pickles? Man, I'm getting nostalgic writing this...(I'm about to go buy some Boston Baked Beans and then blow in the empty carton to make a whistle sound *sigh*).

I'm telling you, these kids today don't know nothing about The Village. They don't have the benefit of true neighborhoods where all the kids played together no matter how much money they had or who lived in the home. It was truly "all for one and one for all." Y'all need some food? Food cupboard, nothing. The neighbors went to their own meager cupboards and somehow made meals and brought food to whosoever needed it. Need some money? Man, the local numbers runner also doubled as a credit union and you could just pay him back a little at a time so long as you sent him a fresh pie and a plate of colla'd greens on Sunday. Man, The Village was all right. We took care of our own. What you know about 9-1-1? Somebody broke into your house? Any of the local thugs would be puttin' his ear to the street to find out who got'cho stuff. And when he brought it back to you and told you "don't ask any questions, ma'am", you chastised him for beatin' somebody up? #Thevillagedon'tdiscriminate.

Listen, the Village had some problems (this post ain't about that), but I am tellin' you (in my Dreamgirls voice) that the Village boosted up a lot more than it broke. That it shaped a lot more than it shortchanged. I am a walking testament that living under the watchful eye of the Villagers made me the woman I am today: a God fearing, peppermint in pickle eatin', Saturday chore doin', old school R and B list'nin, foundation garment wearin', shoe polishin', colla'd green making RESPECTFUL jr. Villager. I am a proud product of the Village and I stand on the shoulders of the Villagers who helped shaped me. Thank you Grandma, Grandaddy Frank, Ms. Myrtle, Ms. Henrietta, Ms. Delores, Ms. Tee, So Sporty, Grandaddy Sam, Shake and Bake, Mr. Vaughn, Mr. Willie Dennis, and many more...Thank you for looking over me and watching out for me and being an unconventional family...

"Every Ghetto, Every City" by Lauryn Hill