What's A Little Blackface Between Friends?

Recently, on a friend's FB page, she posted pics of the outfits she and her husband wore for a Halloween party. (SN: Every year, she posts pics and their costumes are usually fabulous). This year, they decided to go as reality tv personalities--her costume (Brett Michaels from Rock of Love) was fine; his? Well, he decided to go as Flavor Flav. No problem, right? Um, erra, well...I forgot to mention that he's white...and he went in Blackface. Yup!! You got it--he painted his white skin to portray a black man and so...the birth of this post (don't miss the Birth of a Nation reference).

I feel a public service announcement coming on: (tapping mic). "Hello?? Can anyone out there hear me? It is never a good idea when someone from the majority culture (read: White) dresses up as a member of an oppressed minority group (read: Black, LBGT, etc.). I repeat, if you are white, don't paint your skin black!!" (Ok, well maybe I didn't actually repeat it, but...I'm sure you get my point).

I don't care what people have you thinking about this so-called Post-Racial America foolishness, but America has had and still has a problem with RACE. I don't care if you want to believe that we should be color blind (we shouldn't be...color makes for a vibrant tapestry; it's discrimination that's problematic), you cannot dress in Black face and think it's okay. Somewhere, someone who is reading this is saying, "What's your problem? It's a costume. Lighten up!! Why can't I wear Blackface?" (insert a smug sarcastic look that most donkeys have). Well, I am glad you have asked. Here are my top 10 reasons about why one shouldn't wear Blackface (or tell racist jokes, or use racial epithets or do demeaning ish):

Top 10 Reasons You Shouldn't Wear Blackface:

10. It's Racist/ Prejudiced
9. It speaks to your ignorance about the history of minstrelsy in America
8. Everyone who just thought you were stupid, now knows you are--keep 'em guessing
7. It's a risk to your physical safety and well being
6. It's a risk to someone else's physical safety and well being
5. It's 2010 and you should know better
4. The Civil Rights Era
3. Lynching
2. Slavery
1. Because doing so undermines an entire race of people who have been denigrated throughout the history of this country. Because doing so keeps us that much farther from ever being the United States of America. Because doing so is Wrong...plain and simple.

In case you have any questions, watch the following clip from Spike Lee's brilliantly satirical, beautifully controversial movie Bamboozled:

Blackface

Sick and Tired of Being...

How many of us are feeling the weight of the economy? Depressed about education in the United States? The housing crisis? The job market? Student loan debt? Taxes? Racism? Sexism? Violence? or (fill in the blanks)? How many of us are tired of turning on the news and seeing how terrible life is for most people? How bad so many people have it? I am!!

I think I may have reached my limit in my capacity to tolerate one more piece of bad news, sad news, or gonna make me mad news!! (Insert screams, foot stomping, pouty lips and furrowed brows). I got up this morning feeling like...I don't know...I just felt like...Blah! Bah! Gah! Waaaaaaaaaaaah! And then, I remembered...I woke up this morning!! Imagine that, I took another breath, saw another sight, felt another feel...I woke up this morning!!! And you know what? That is a blessing in and of itself. I woke up this morning and in the words of my mother in law: "my bed was not my cooling board and my sheet was not my shroud" (look up Gullah sayings).

Here I was lying in bed, under the weight of everything and I forgot to count my blessings. I know that the world is hard out here for sooooooo many people and this is not the best time in a lot of folks' lives, but I am here. And I know that as long as I have breath in my body, I am able to touch another life, reach another soul, walk another mile and help another person!! As long I have breath in my body, I can inspire another being, cultivate another mind and I can help another person!! As long I have breath in my body, I CAN HELP ANOTHER PERSON!!!! And then I realized that life ain't so bad at'all.

Today I wish that you are able to find the motivation to do better and be better! Today I wish that you are able to tap into your spirit and find whatever it takes in order to propel you forward!! Today I wish you hope. Peace!

R. Kelly "I Believe I Can Fly"

Friday Flirt: Our Love

In my quest to bring the love back, I have promised to post about love: being loved and giving love. In my quest to celebrate the connections between people, I have committed myself to blog about how love appears in my own life as well. One of the most present ways that I am able to experience love is through my relationship with my husband. From the day that we became a couple, it has been us against the world. We are the law abiding Bonnie and Clyde, the younger, less wealthy (but no less rich) Cliff and Claire Huxtable...basically, we are a united front.

When I first met him, I knew that we were connected in ways that extended beyond this world. In fact, we both felt it and would make references to us being from the same "soul neighborhood" where kindred spirits lived. As we moved closer in our connections, we admitted that we were, in fact, soul mates. And I don't mean in the hot and heavy breathless, do me baby, I gotta have you way that shapes most new relationships. Of course we desired each other, but our connection spoke of past lives and intertwined spirits that reunited through different life times until they emerged in our current forms...deep, right? But we meant it and lived out our connection with every fiber of our beings.

We spent time getting to know each other before we decided to be exclusive. Yup, he courted me. And I reciprocated in kind. We sent puzzle pieces with coded messages to each other, wrote letters that included excerpts from stories we enjoyed and we talked...yes, we talked. We listened, we felt, we acknowledged and then we would do it all over again daily. I knew his likes, his dislikes, his passions, his desires, his hopes, his dreams and he reciprocated in kind. And guess what? We didn't have sex on the first date (yup, we went on real dates) and we didn't become a couple after that date either. We let us marinate. We waited and discovered that being together was the only option because neither one of us could imagine being without the other. And then we began building...

So this post is an open love letter to my husband because I want to speak to the ways that he has shown me love and has made me want to be a better person. If you know me in real life, then you may have seen us together. If so, you know that our connection is bona fide...We are connected in unspeakable ways that make strangers come up to us and tell us that they love us together even though they've just met us at that moment. We are bonded in ways that defy explanation, but never defy logic. Of course, we're together as a couple, because when you see us together, even you couldn't imagine us apart.

My husband is, as Toni Morrison writes in Beloved, "a friend of my mind. [He] gather me, man. The pieces I am, [he] gather them and give them back to me in all the right order. It's good, you know, when you got a [man] who is a friend of your mind." I make no apologies about loving my husband or the fact that he loves me. I have had enough hardship to last 20 lifetimes and I am blessed to have a man who loves me in all ways, always. And I reciprocate in kind.

"Our Love" by Natalie Cole

Body Love

Too often, women feel as if they have to ascribe to an unrealistic standard of beauty that is one size fits all. The idea that a woman's beauty only fits into one mold is one that I find insulting and at the same time, laughable. What boggles my mind even more is why we have allowed men to dictate the ins and outs of a woman's beauty. Puh-leaze. Let them focus on their own physical images and leave ours alone (singing "I am woman, hear me roar").

Why do women let men define our standards of beauty? And since we allow men to determine the baseline for what is attractive, why are we surprised that the so-called ideal image involves a Barbie prototype that doesn't even exist in real life? I mean it's ludicrous. As women, we agonize over every gray hair in our scalps, chins and nether regions. We stress over crows' feet and smile lines. Meanwhile, men start to bald and/or go gray and they're led to believe that they look distinguished. Crows' feet somehow allegedly make them look wiser. But women? Um, er, well...let's just say that there are aisles and aisles of wrinkle removers, age spot fade creams, hair dyes and the like waiting...

And our bodies? Well, some of us inject botox or get silicone implants in our breasts and our buttocks to give an image of sexiness that we feel can't be achieved naturally. Now, I'm all for women doing whatever they want in order to make themselves happy, but only if it's for oneself. Seeking external validation beyond a compliment (we all like flattery), is not the way to go for true self-fulfillment. I mean I love makeup and I've been known to wear foundation garments daily. However, if my husband insisted on either...Well I would be bare faced in a hot minute AND everything that's being held up and in, would have free rein to expand or scrape the ground or... (sorry for the visuals, but I have a point to make).

I'm not suggesting that women shouldn't take care of ourselves or try to look our best (whatever we define it as individually). What I am stating, emphatically, is that we should be who we feel we need to be. No person has the right to tell us how our bodies are supposed to be shaped or should look. We cannot continue to allow external elements to extinguish our voices about our physical landscapes. If you act of your own accord,then by all means, pluck it, fill it, shape it, dye it, wax it, nip it, tuck it, extract it, minimize it, control it, lift it, etc...as long as it's YOU who is defining it.

"Video" by India Arie

Living Like We're Bulletproof

Despite the tone of the following words, I promise you that this post is about love. It's about the search for satisfaction and the desire to be better. Ultimately, this post is about hope.

If I turn on the news and hear of another young black male getting shot, stabbed, killed...I don't know what I will do because I can't take it...*insert tears*. I am the mother of sons and I have a husband, brothers, nephews and male cousins, friends and students who all mean the world to me. The world. And that is why it breaks my heart that young, black men feel as if they are born into the world with expiration dates on their foreheads, that they are born to live only until they die. It saddens me beyond measure that these boys feel that 21 is the new "winter" of life. What the heck is going on?

There are so many young black men who struggle with identity (sexual and racial), with image (self and public), with violence (internal and external), with subjugation (cultural, intellectual and financial), with *insert -ism*. It is HARD out here to be young, black and male. Say what you want, but it's the truth.

If I hear another woman say that she is both father and mother to her child, I am gonna holler *a la Marvin Gaye style*. Women, we can't be mother and father to our children, but I get what you mean. You mean that you have had to fulfill all parenting responsibilities alone because the proverbial "baby daddy" or ex-husband has left you and baby high and dry. I know your pain because I have been there.

I see you struggling raising little Jr. to be the man of the family, but he can't be. Let that child be a boy. Let that child be a child who is not bumping his head on the ceiling of his so-called actual possibilities (James Baldwin "Sonny's Blues" reference). Don't poison that child with stories of the man who left; that has no bearing on who he will become. Water him with stories of greatness and possibility. Shame on the males (I can't say men) who leave their sons (and daughters) without the benefit of their influence. (SN: This is not a post about women who deny their children relationships with their fathers; that's a different post).

This post is a post about love because I love Black men and boys, but I am afraid for all of my brothers. I know some great men (I'm married to one) and I know there are some beautiful brothers who are triumphing over the struggle in every moment (I'm surrounded by them). But I am scared because we are living in a world where race is a factor in the high numbers of black male deaths even as we claim to move forward in a so-called Post-Racial America. I know that there are black boys and men who speak truth to power and who excel in every moment. I even wrote about one here. I know about the beauty and strength of black males.

I envision a world where mentors for Black boys are plentiful. I envision a world where fathers are present in their sons' lives whether they live with them or not. I envision a world where manhood is as natural as breathing. I envision a world where Black men aren't hunted, but where they are celebrated for all that they contribute. I envision a world where black boys get past the fourth grade in school and don't give into the fourth grade failure syndrome (check out Jawanza Kunjufu). I envision a world where Black boys remember the Tuskegee Airmen or the baseball players of the Negro Leagues or W.E.B DuBois or Paul Laurence Dunbar or... *insert any positive Black male reference that we learn too little about in schools*.

I want to challenge folks to get involved in the life of a young Black boy. Mentor a young man today and present options to him that may not be apparent. Feed his soul with the taste of success. Stoke his mind with interaction that is intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and mentally satisfying. I envision a world where young Black men return to the kingly positions of their ancestors. What will you do to help?

The Future

Purposeful Expression: Whatchu Talkin' 'Bout Willis?

An important part of purposeful expression is communication which consists of written, non-verbal and verbal components. How you act can be just as significant as what you say. When you walk into a room, people automatically take stock of who they think you are. You don’t have to like the same music, be from the same neighborhood, have the same job, go to the same church, have the same friends in order to communicate. In fact, with effective communication, you can connect with people from all walks of life.

How you dress, how you speak, how you carry yourself and how you treat others are all mechanisms of communication. Each of these elements can give observers valuable insight into who you are. Too many of us say that we don’t care what others think of us, but I am telling you that it is important to be mindful of our outward appearances and expressions. You want to make sure that you are sending the right cues. You might not think that it matters if you curse in the hallways at school or that it might not matter if you curse your kids out in public. You might not think it matters if you wear tight and revealing clothes or that it might not matter if your pants sag below your bottom. You might not think it matters if you roll your eyes when your parents try to give you good advice or it might not matter if you tune out when your children are talking. But I am telling you, it does matter. Communication is not just talking…it is also effective listening and presentation of your character.

Too many people hide behind masks and communication is hampered by unnecessary roadblocks. You need to be sure that your oral communication is effective as well. Learn proper sentence structure. Read well-written books and articles. Read the newspaper and then practice constructing sentences that mimic those that are well written. Unfortunately, because of text messaging we have been far too casual in our written communication. I have students who use numbers for words and acronyms for sentences. (#4-for; B-be; idk-I don’t know; brb-be right back) and they don't understand why they are being marked off on essays. Wut? R u kiddn me? But seriously, it's a shame that they believe the these shortcuts are appropriate substitutes for traditional spelling. Being an effective written communicator can mean the difference between being successful and failing.

It is imperative that you know how to develop paragraphs and outline your thoughts in written form. It sounds so cliché, but reading and writing are fundamental. In order to be a great communicator, carry yourself with dignity. Listen when you are spoken to. Speak when folks are listening. Dress appropriately. Be mindful of your mannerisms and gestures and speak proper English. No one wants to decipher your slanguage or your colloquialisms in order to get to your message. Articulate your thoughts clearly and speak with conviction. Please know that speaking well is not attributed to one race, one nationality, one gender or one social class. We should all have full command of proper English!! We don't live in isolation and it is important that we find ways to build bridges to connect with other people.

P.S: Conversate is not a word; it's converse (but not like the sneaker)...

Be purposeful in your expression for improved communication. Peace.


Dr. Garrard McClendon "Lessons in Proper English"