Resolutions: When People Show You Who They Are...

As the New Year approaches, I am revisiting some areas of my life that need revamping. I want to take stock of where I am and where I want to be. Considering this, I want to look at how I can still be a helpful, nurturing person without sacrificing my own self-hood. I want deal with people in ways that are mutually beneficial. All my life, I have been a nurturer. I have been the one people run to when they have needed advice, needed to be fed, needed someone to listen, needed someone to care, needed someone to make them laugh, heck, any time they needed someone to (fill in the blank). And quite honestly, I have mostly enjoyed helping people. Even when I'm tired, I get satisfaction from filling someone's cup. I like the fact that folks can count on me. As a result of my actions, I have found that most people think I'm nice, well, probably more than nice and that's okay with me. *Insert smile*

However, I do realize that there is a downside to being a nurturer--you tend to always look for the best in people. And no matter how many other folks see people as selfish, low down, no count, ungrateful or whatever, I try to see the best in them. Even when they prove themselves to be selfish, low down, no count, ungrateful or whatever. Now, I am no one's fool, but I do have a soft heart. So this year, I'm gonna do better about seeing people as they are and not how I want them to be. Because sometimes, when people show you who they are, you have to believe them. Sad to say, but sometimes, people are just who they have shown you and everyone else they are. And despite anyone's best intentions, they will continue to do what they will do and be how they will be.

This might not seem like a big revelation to some people out there, but to me: it's monumental. See, I nurture folks because I want to see them do better, have better, know better, etc. I want them to know that someone in this world is here for them. But now I'm starting to understand that some people can't be helped. That whenever you show them up, they wanna look down. You show them joy and all they see is pain. You show them love and...well, you get broken. True story.

If I could heal the world, I would. I don't mean in a superficial way where I get all the credit for being a great benefactor, a wonderful donor, an empathetic humanitarian--nope, I would do it how I do it now--on the low. See I want the best for people and sometimes, I have to understand that some things are better left broken and some people are better left alone. *insert sad face.* Maybe someone who is reading this is thinking, well, it's not about you, it's about them. If you are really helping people, then you shouldn't care how they respond. Just help. And I will tell you that that's how I've been operating...help, help, help...but you know what? I'm tired. Because I'm nurturing people not sheep. And even though I understand that people only do what they can do, I have to understand this for myself as well--I can only do what I can do.

I've always been that child who wished on stars, prayed to God, hoped against hope and believed that people will do better, be better, want better. I won't ever lose that part of myself. However, what I do know is that my desire for something doesn't make it true. Because I want the best for someone or many someones, doesn't mean it will be because maybe, just maybe this is who and how they are. And no matter how many wishes I make, this is the only way they know how to be. See, when people show you who they are, you have to believe them.

For the New Year, my resolution related to this is that I will continue to work to be a blessing in the lives of others. When I give, I will continue to do so with an open heart and a willing spirit. I will make sure that my actions match my thoughts. And (this may be most important), when someone shows me who he or she is, I will deal with them accordingly. No harm, no foul. I will protect myself and my heart and I will believe them when they show me the how and the what of the who they really are. Fareal fareal.

Peace.

"I Keep" by Jill Scott