It's My Birthday and...

I’m not gonna cry!! Listen, this day is all about celebration. It’s about me, myself and I. Like Virginia Slims, I have come a lonnnnnng way, baby. I don’t know if I came into this world kicking and screaming, but I know that I was definitely born to fight. I am battle ready, but you know what? I’m also love ready. As much as I am able to git.up.in.yo.stuff, I prefer the gentle treatment. I’m mostly smiles and gentle words because life is hard enough. Why do I need to make it any harder with donkey antics? I pride myself on my manners and hope that I will be able to maintain my grace for at least the next 38 years.

In these 38 years, I have seen some of the darkest spaces in human nature, but I prefer to focus on the beauty that surrounds me. Too often we allow ourselves to become burdened by the many unfair things that happened to us as children. I have decided that I am not responsible for the things I could not control and so I forgive those who have added to the pain in my past. Truly. It wasn’t easy or quick, but it was worth the work and wait. I promise you that for the first time in a long time, I am living my life like it’s golden (or I’m golden—take your pick).

I believe that I have been a walking paradox my whole life. I am the unwanted, chosen child. I am the fretful free spirit. I am the first born who was raised in a house as the youngest member. I am a child at heart with an old soul. I am all that I never thought I could be, but believed I was supposed to be. Funny, isn’t it?? At times, I played myself small because I didn’t see myself in my fully recognized form. I shrunk into dark spaces, so that my shine wouldn’t hurt anyone’s eyes. I didn’t believe I could fly because no one around me seemed to be able to. Folks were maintaining; who had time for dreaming? I was so full of myself that I could have burst, but I couldn't find my voice. I was never afraid of failure, but absolutely terrified of success. Funny isn’t it?? But maybe, it’s just a little bit sad.

It’s my birthday, but I'll be damned if I cry because for 38 years I have triumphed over adversity, both large and small. I have tangoed with demons—some, my own and the others, well…let’s just say they weren’t mine. But you know what? I have laughed in the rain and been kissed by the moon. In my time, I have held Heaven in my hands, played in the stars, sang with the trees. I have double-dutched under rainbows and danced on the sun. I have survived, I have thrived and I have arrived. In my 38 years.

In my 38 years, I have amassed a treasure trove of blessings. I have beautiful children, a wonderful husband, a supportive grandma, great friends and a loving family. I have a ready mind and a fighting spirit. I have most of my health and all of my worth. I have a quick wit and a hearty laugh. I have a fantastic job and a defined purpose. I have a gift of discernment and the freedom of speech. I have my ups, my downs, my tragedy and my triumph. I have a clear vision and focused action. I have a wealth of talent and a rich existence. I have a steel spine and a soft heart. I have compassion and passion. I have common sense and book smarts. I have life, truth and love. I have options. I have freedom and boundaries and you know what? I have me, myself and I (that’s 38 things, in case you were wondering).

Today is my day. Today is a day to celebrate who and how I am. This is a day for gratitude and reflection. I want to thank my grandmother for pouring love into me and helping me get to this point in my life. She has always believed in me and loved me, even when I didn’t always love myself. She stood in the gaps that my parents’ absences left. For this, I am grateful. And so as I usher in my 38th birthday, I want to thank her from the very depths of my soul. Because even though she didn’t push me into this world; she’s helped me navigate around this world--pushing me along the way. So Happy Birthday to me, but I owe my chance at a happy life to her. And today, (in the words of India Arie) “I’m celebrating the woman I’ve become." Peace.

India Arie "Private Party"