Representing Character or Are You Who You Say You Are?

A friend of mine often posts on FB regarding the difference between Character and Reputation: "Your reputation is what other people think of you; your character is who you really are.” And then she takes it one step further, "Would your character and your reputation recognize each other if they met on the street?" WHOA!!! Now, that's some deep stuff for your mind! Think about it: is who you say you are in line with who others think you are? That might need repeating: is who you say you are in line with who others think you are?

Too often, many of us get caught up in trying to be something that we aren't. We portray ourselves to believe in this or to believe in that. When all the while, we are lying to ourselves and to others. We might believe in one thing, but we do something else entirely. We have adopted personas to fit with whatever others see as acceptable. These social masks get in the way of how we deal with others and sadly, how we deal with ourselves. Sometimes, in private, we do things that we publicly condemn (insert side eye). Sometimes, we engage in discussions or actions that we have stated that we abhor. Sometimes, not all the time. But once in awhile is enough to change who you proclaim to be. Now, make no mistake. I'm not talking about knowing how to behave in different situations and adjusting your behaviors accordingly. That's grown up and indicates a certain level of understanding. No, I'm talking about those folks who talk out of both sides of their mouths, who would have you believe that they are upright, solid and stable, but in the dark...baybeeee, they are a whole 'nuther animal. Fareal.

We see the duplicitous actions of many folks whenever we look at the news. Anti-gay, homophobic ministers caught engaging in homosexual actions. We see police officers who break the laws they have sworn to uphold; teachers sleeping with their students; bankers stealing money from their customers and...I could go on and on. It's a shame that we have lost sight of the fundamentals of being true to oneself. If you're low down, be low down. Announce it; wear it proudly. Don't portray yourself to be good and you know you are bad--simple. I mean that. If your character is in check and your walk is the same as your talk, then you are all right with me. I like upfront people, the folks who are "straight up and down." I can't stand a double dealing, two timing, back stabbing mickey fickey at'all.

Are you who you say you are? Are your credentials in check for who you present yourself to be? Can you look yourself in the face at the end of the day and say, "I've been truthful in my actions and purposeful in my deeds?" Huh? Can you? If your friends, relatives, colleagues, associates, students, customers, whomever could see you "out of uniform" would they be surprised by your actions? Now, I'm not trying to say that we should strive to be perfect robots who never have fun. I'm not saying that at all. What I am saying is that the core of who you are should be consistent with what/who/how you present yourself to others. You should not be caught "with your pants down" (figuratively and/or literally).

Listen, in every moment you should live out your truths. And in that living, you should be consistent in character and in reputation. You should strive to make sure that you are who you say you are. Skeletons in your closet can come back to haunt you and can ruin your life and/or the lives of others. Life is not a dress rehearsal. You only get this opportunity to be your best you. You don't live in a bubble or exist in a vacuum. Be sure to make your interactions with others as meaningful as possible. When you find yourself slipping, just remember to ask yourself, "Is my character in line with my reputation?" Peace.

"We Wear the Mask" by Paul Laurence Dunbar*

(My comments: This poem represents one of the ways that our ancestors had to wear a "mask" for survival; today we have options. Let the only masks we present to the world be for the benefit of humankind and never for selfish reasons.)

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,--
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be overwise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

*Poem courtesy of http://www.dunbarsite.org and image courtesy of 3.bp.blogspot.com.