Self-Check: I Know Who I Am--Do You?

Recently, I have experienced some dealings with folks that have made me do a self-check. But that's right up my alley because I like to check in on my stuff. I like to make sure that I take stock of my characteristics to make sure that I am keeping in line with becoming who I want to be. Unfortunately, because I am very nice, I come in contact with some very broken people that other people don't want to deal with. Now usually I don't mind dealing with the broken folks because I'm a work in progress myself. So, it's all good. But you know what makes me shake my head? When people who are so far from having their stuff together try to put you in check about being on the right path--where dey do dat at? (Slang was necessary, stay with me).

Now, I say that with no malice or meanness because as my grandma says, "Even a broken clock is right twice a day." So I understand that broken people can help you and your self-development. But what always boggles my mind is how do folks get mad at you for having your stuff together? I mean, really. How can folks get mad at you for minding your own business and doing what works for you? I have never been too arrogant to believe that my way is the only way in the world. But you know what? It works for me!! Yup, it.works.for.me. So, instead of criticizing someone else (or me) for being on his/her grind, make sure that you have your stuff together. People spend far too much energy "hating" on what someone else has. Everything ain't for you! Yeah, I said it. Everyone will not be financially successful, physically fit, emotionally stable, etc. It's the way of the world. As long as there are haves, there will be have-nots. And I'm not talking about the world in terms of illness, poverty, abuse, etc. Because those who have should work hard to help those who need help. What I'm talking about is some good and grown folks who don't handle their business and find ways to put down the efforts of those who are doing the right thing.

One of the sad testimonies about the way our world is going is that if you do the right thing, you are considered to be self-righteous. If I'm not judging you and your immoral ways, leave me alone. Fuh real! People who do drugs, sell drugs, lie, cheat, steal, etc. are often trying to put down those of us who are trying to live our lives on the right side of the law ("you bourgie", "you think you betta than me", "you ain't keepin' it real"). Because I don't do what you do doesn't mean I spend my time thinking about you and your mess. So leave me alone. And that's not said with a tinge of self-righteousness. I do what I do, so do what you do. If you are happy doing your thing, then do just that. However, don't be mad if I can't support your mess because I care about my own consistency. I like for my character and my reputation to be in sync. I like for people to know that I am the same person inside that I present to the world. I love that I have standards and I understand that "keeping it real" is very rarely that.

I have found that most people who say, "I don't care what people think about me" are the first people who get upset when someone says something about them. I have found that people who say, "let he/she who is without sin, cast the first stone", just got caught up in some mess. Let me be the first person to admit that I care what people think about me, but I don't live my life based on people's judgment. However, I know that I care about my reputation--I am not going to be acting like a drunken fool in public, posting nekkid pictures on FB, or acting like a general donkey just to make you feel comfortable. Your version of me may have me "keeping it real", but what does that mean, really? I know who I am--do you?

As you mature, it would seem that you would get wiser. Unfortunately, people confuse getting older with being grown. True adulthood is not based on your age. There are some gray haired fools in the world. Seriously. The definition of crazy is doing something over and over the same way and expecting different results. If you want to live like that, just own it. Say, I know I'm crazy and my life will always be a mess and that's okay. I can get with that. What is ridiculous is you living a life of chaos and confusion and then getting mad when someone can't or won't co-sign your mess. You're grown--remember? As an adult, I look to people who are living lives that I wish to emulate and I learn from their lessons in order to forge my own path. I know who I am--do you?

One should not live under the scope of duplicity and falsehood. You should be secure in who and how you are. Love yourself--flaws and all. Don't be discouraged by folks who really are skewed in their version of who you should be. Surround yourself with good people who are positive and speak to the best in you. Also, keep some folks around who will check you if your stuff gets tart (the best kind of keeping it real). Cultivate a life for yourself where you are in control of who and how you are. Make sure you do self-checks often and don't be afraid of the gunk you find. You can't do better until you take a full and honest assessment of your true self. At the end of the day, you have to accept yourself. I love me and I know who I am--do you? I wish you peace and enlightenment on this ever continuing journey of selfhood. Forward motion is good because it means you are working towards something. Good luck!!

Nina Simone "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood"