When I Move...You Move...

The law of reciprocity states that if I give to you, you give back to me. Although the terms are negotiable, the mutual exchange of goodwill isn't. How many of us find ourselves always giving, giving, giving? And I don't mean of just money or things, but of our energy, our time, our love, etc. When I speak of reciprocity, I'm not talking about donating to charity or volunteering for a good cause--that's your honor to be able to serve others who are in need and cannot (not will not ) help themselves. I'm talking about when you help someone and he/she is able bodied and just selfish--always (as the old folks say) "with a mouthful o' sugar and a handful o' gimme."

Do you find yourself giving to the same people over and over again with little effort on their part to reciprocate? How do you feel? Are you sick and tired of the lack of return on your output? Or do you just chalk it up to ignorance and just keep it moving? Do you find that you are the person that folks rely on to loan them money, give them rides, help plan this event or that thing, etc.? Are you often referred to as "loyal", "reliable", "dependable", "a good friend (cousin, sister, colleague...)"? But, as good as the folks on the receiving end of your kind actions think you are, do they get mad if/when you say, "no"? Hmmmm....because that is what has me thinking that your kindness (or mine) is being taken for weakness. You know why? Because it is my decision about how I want to help and if I can. It is not my responsibility to do for any able bodied being who feels entitled to my stuff. Okay?! (Insert high fives, side eyes and neck rolls for emphasis).

If I can be there all of the time for you, I expect (rightfully so), that when I am down and out you will be there to help me as well. Or if I am one of the people who never seem to need anyone because my stuff is in order, you can still show me that you appreciate me. For example: I give you rides everyday because you don't have a car or money for the bus. And you seem appreciative because I have never treated you funny or tried to hold it over your head. Now you are happy because I have done something for you. Now where does reciprocity come in? I know you don't have any money, so I am not expecting anything and it truly is my pleasure to help, but you know what? You can show me that you appreciate me by offering to babysit, making me a cake, doing my hair, anything... Because you know what? That shows me that you understand that my generosity is a choice and that even though I could be doing anything else, I am choosing to help you.

Surprisingly, we only think about reciprocity (if we think about it at all) when we navigate personal relationships, but reciprocity is key in business dealings as well. Consider this, if I am a business owner and you have supported my business, why wouldn't I give you a free ticket, a coupon or a better table at an event? If you have supported my business and you own a business, shouldn't I support yours? Because business dealings, like personal relationships are all about connections. You give a little and usually, you get a whole lot. One hand washes the other--reciprocity at its best. And it is a win-win situation.

Unfortunately, in this dog eat dog world full of "I gotta get mine" mentality, we often position ourselves as top dog or lone wolf (gotta keep the metaphor going) and because of this we lose out. Why? Well, because people need people. It's as simple as that. One day, you may need me and conversely, I may need you. And what a beautiful world when we are able to help each other out. In the end, it comes down to the golden rule: stop acting like somebody owes you something and treat folks with some reciprocity (well, maybe that's the brass rule, but you get my point). Basically, if someone has shown you a kindness, you should try to find a way to reciprocate that kindness. You know how good you feel when someone treats you with consideration, so make sure to spread that feeling to others. Peace.

"What Goes Around" by Lalah Hathaway (video stops abruptly at end, but images were so powerful, I still decided to use it...enjoy)