Despite the tone of the following words, I promise you that this post is about love. It's about the search for satisfaction and the desire to be better. Ultimately, this post is about hope.
If I turn on the news and hear of another young black male getting shot, stabbed, killed...I don't know what I will do because I can't take it...*insert tears*. I am the mother of sons and I have a husband, brothers, nephews and male cousins, friends and students who all mean the world to me. The world. And that is why it breaks my heart that young, black men feel as if they are born into the world with expiration dates on their foreheads, that they are born to live only until they die. It saddens me beyond measure that these boys feel that 21 is the new "winter" of life. What the heck is going on?
There are so many young black men who struggle with identity (sexual and racial), with image (self and public), with violence (internal and external), with subjugation (cultural, intellectual and financial), with *insert -ism*. It is HARD out here to be young, black and male. Say what you want, but it's the truth.
If I hear another woman say that she is both father and mother to her child, I am gonna holler *a la Marvin Gaye style*. Women, we can't be mother and father to our children, but I get what you mean. You mean that you have had to fulfill all parenting responsibilities alone because the proverbial "baby daddy" or ex-husband has left you and baby high and dry. I know your pain because I have been there.
I see you struggling raising little Jr. to be the man of the family, but he can't be. Let that child be a boy. Let that child be a child who is not bumping his head on the ceiling of his so-called actual possibilities (James Baldwin "Sonny's Blues" reference). Don't poison that child with stories of the man who left; that has no bearing on who he will become. Water him with stories of greatness and possibility. Shame on the males (I can't say men) who leave their sons (and daughters) without the benefit of their influence. (SN: This is not a post about women who deny their children relationships with their fathers; that's a different post).
This post is a post about love because I love Black men and boys, but I am afraid for all of my brothers. I know some great men (I'm married to one) and I know there are some beautiful brothers who are triumphing over the struggle in every moment (I'm surrounded by them). But I am scared because we are living in a world where race is a factor in the high numbers of black male deaths even as we claim to move forward in a so-called Post-Racial America. I know that there are black boys and men who speak truth to power and who excel in every moment. I even wrote about one here. I know about the beauty and strength of black males.
I envision a world where mentors for Black boys are plentiful. I envision a world where fathers are present in their sons' lives whether they live with them or not. I envision a world where manhood is as natural as breathing. I envision a world where Black men aren't hunted, but where they are celebrated for all that they contribute. I envision a world where black boys get past the fourth grade in school and don't give into the fourth grade failure syndrome (check out Jawanza Kunjufu). I envision a world where Black boys remember the Tuskegee Airmen or the baseball players of the Negro Leagues or W.E.B DuBois or Paul Laurence Dunbar or... *insert any positive Black male reference that we learn too little about in schools*.
I want to challenge folks to get involved in the life of a young Black boy. Mentor a young man today and present options to him that may not be apparent. Feed his soul with the taste of success. Stoke his mind with interaction that is intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and mentally satisfying. I envision a world where young Black men return to the kingly positions of their ancestors. What will you do to help?
The Future
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Purposeful Expression: Whatchu Talkin' 'Bout Willis?
An important part of purposeful expression is communication which consists of written, non-verbal and verbal components. How you act can be just as significant as what you say. When you walk into a room, people automatically take stock of who they think you are. You don’t have to like the same music, be from the same neighborhood, have the same job, go to the same church, have the same friends in order to communicate. In fact, with effective communication, you can connect with people from all walks of life.
How you dress, how you speak, how you carry yourself and how you treat others are all mechanisms of communication. Each of these elements can give observers valuable insight into who you are. Too many of us say that we don’t care what others think of us, but I am telling you that it is important to be mindful of our outward appearances and expressions. You want to make sure that you are sending the right cues. You might not think that it matters if you curse in the hallways at school or that it might not matter if you curse your kids out in public. You might not think it matters if you wear tight and revealing clothes or that it might not matter if your pants sag below your bottom. You might not think it matters if you roll your eyes when your parents try to give you good advice or it might not matter if you tune out when your children are talking. But I am telling you, it does matter. Communication is not just talking…it is also effective listening and presentation of your character.
Too many people hide behind masks and communication is hampered by unnecessary roadblocks. You need to be sure that your oral communication is effective as well. Learn proper sentence structure. Read well-written books and articles. Read the newspaper and then practice constructing sentences that mimic those that are well written. Unfortunately, because of text messaging we have been far too casual in our written communication. I have students who use numbers for words and acronyms for sentences. (#4-for; B-be; idk-I don’t know; brb-be right back) and they don't understand why they are being marked off on essays. Wut? R u kiddn me? But seriously, it's a shame that they believe the these shortcuts are appropriate substitutes for traditional spelling. Being an effective written communicator can mean the difference between being successful and failing.
It is imperative that you know how to develop paragraphs and outline your thoughts in written form. It sounds so cliché, but reading and writing are fundamental. In order to be a great communicator, carry yourself with dignity. Listen when you are spoken to. Speak when folks are listening. Dress appropriately. Be mindful of your mannerisms and gestures and speak proper English. No one wants to decipher your slanguage or your colloquialisms in order to get to your message. Articulate your thoughts clearly and speak with conviction. Please know that speaking well is not attributed to one race, one nationality, one gender or one social class. We should all have full command of proper English!! We don't live in isolation and it is important that we find ways to build bridges to connect with other people.
P.S: Conversate is not a word; it's converse (but not like the sneaker)...
Be purposeful in your expression for improved communication. Peace.
Dr. Garrard McClendon "Lessons in Proper English"
How you dress, how you speak, how you carry yourself and how you treat others are all mechanisms of communication. Each of these elements can give observers valuable insight into who you are. Too many of us say that we don’t care what others think of us, but I am telling you that it is important to be mindful of our outward appearances and expressions. You want to make sure that you are sending the right cues. You might not think that it matters if you curse in the hallways at school or that it might not matter if you curse your kids out in public. You might not think it matters if you wear tight and revealing clothes or that it might not matter if your pants sag below your bottom. You might not think it matters if you roll your eyes when your parents try to give you good advice or it might not matter if you tune out when your children are talking. But I am telling you, it does matter. Communication is not just talking…it is also effective listening and presentation of your character.
Too many people hide behind masks and communication is hampered by unnecessary roadblocks. You need to be sure that your oral communication is effective as well. Learn proper sentence structure. Read well-written books and articles. Read the newspaper and then practice constructing sentences that mimic those that are well written. Unfortunately, because of text messaging we have been far too casual in our written communication. I have students who use numbers for words and acronyms for sentences. (#4-for; B-be; idk-I don’t know; brb-be right back) and they don't understand why they are being marked off on essays. Wut? R u kiddn me? But seriously, it's a shame that they believe the these shortcuts are appropriate substitutes for traditional spelling. Being an effective written communicator can mean the difference between being successful and failing.
It is imperative that you know how to develop paragraphs and outline your thoughts in written form. It sounds so cliché, but reading and writing are fundamental. In order to be a great communicator, carry yourself with dignity. Listen when you are spoken to. Speak when folks are listening. Dress appropriately. Be mindful of your mannerisms and gestures and speak proper English. No one wants to decipher your slanguage or your colloquialisms in order to get to your message. Articulate your thoughts clearly and speak with conviction. Please know that speaking well is not attributed to one race, one nationality, one gender or one social class. We should all have full command of proper English!! We don't live in isolation and it is important that we find ways to build bridges to connect with other people.
P.S: Conversate is not a word; it's converse (but not like the sneaker)...
Be purposeful in your expression for improved communication. Peace.
Dr. Garrard McClendon "Lessons in Proper English"
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
...When You Need a Hand
On the way to work today, the original version of "Lean on Me" came on the radio. I have always had a fondness for this song because I love the idea of having a soft place to land in times of need. As I sang along, I was reminded of how many people are in need--especially at this time of the year.
Throughout our nation, we hear of so many people who are going without the basic necessities: food, clothing, and/or shelter. This isn't a Third World country (not that those citizens deserve to suffer either); this is the United States. The United States is supposed to be first world and first rate. It makes me ache to the very core of my being to know that somewhere there is a child, a man, a woman, a person who has to do without. I don't mean without steak, without Polo or without a mansion. Those things that I mention are trappings of privilege. I'm talking about good nourishment, appropriate clothing and safe housing. The very basic of the very basic necessities it takes to sustain a society; the very basic of what it takes to build a nation...the very basic.
Too many people are using food cupboards, clothing closets and homeless shelters. Too many families cannot provide for the everyday needs of their children in the current economic situations. Even the fabled "Joneses" can't keep up with their past imitable lifestyles. We allegedly live in a land of plenty, but the only plenty is the plenty of folks who can't keep their heads above water.
How many of us, in our daily lives, think about ways that we can enrich the lives of others? How many of us work to better the lives of those who are less fortunate? How many of us are willing to split our daily bread if we are able? If you are able, are you willing to share yours with someone in need? Someone whose "enough" never seems to be?
And let me ask another thing--are you that someone in need? Are you suffering in silence, too afraid to ask for assistance? Too ashamed to seek help? Well, as my grandmother has said over and over, "a closed mouth don't get fed." And that is in the literal and figurative sense. Let me tell you something, I will pile my house floor to ceiling in order to help the people I love if they are in need.
I know that times are tough for everyone and many don't know how they are going to make it to the next week. I get that, but I'm talking to the folks who have extra and won't share; who have extra and won't give. When you go grocery shopping, buy a couple of extra canned goods to donate to a food cupboard. If you catch some linens on sale, buy them and donate them to a homeless shelter. If you get a chance, go lobby for suitable low income housing. Do something. Because you know what? There will be a time when you need something from someone because as Bill Withers sings, "We ALL need somebody to lean on." So if you are able, stand up with your back braced against the need and be that person for someone to lean on.
Peace.
"Lean on Me" by Kirk Franklin
Throughout our nation, we hear of so many people who are going without the basic necessities: food, clothing, and/or shelter. This isn't a Third World country (not that those citizens deserve to suffer either); this is the United States. The United States is supposed to be first world and first rate. It makes me ache to the very core of my being to know that somewhere there is a child, a man, a woman, a person who has to do without. I don't mean without steak, without Polo or without a mansion. Those things that I mention are trappings of privilege. I'm talking about good nourishment, appropriate clothing and safe housing. The very basic of the very basic necessities it takes to sustain a society; the very basic of what it takes to build a nation...the very basic.
Too many people are using food cupboards, clothing closets and homeless shelters. Too many families cannot provide for the everyday needs of their children in the current economic situations. Even the fabled "Joneses" can't keep up with their past imitable lifestyles. We allegedly live in a land of plenty, but the only plenty is the plenty of folks who can't keep their heads above water.
How many of us, in our daily lives, think about ways that we can enrich the lives of others? How many of us work to better the lives of those who are less fortunate? How many of us are willing to split our daily bread if we are able? If you are able, are you willing to share yours with someone in need? Someone whose "enough" never seems to be?
And let me ask another thing--are you that someone in need? Are you suffering in silence, too afraid to ask for assistance? Too ashamed to seek help? Well, as my grandmother has said over and over, "a closed mouth don't get fed." And that is in the literal and figurative sense. Let me tell you something, I will pile my house floor to ceiling in order to help the people I love if they are in need.
I know that times are tough for everyone and many don't know how they are going to make it to the next week. I get that, but I'm talking to the folks who have extra and won't share; who have extra and won't give. When you go grocery shopping, buy a couple of extra canned goods to donate to a food cupboard. If you catch some linens on sale, buy them and donate them to a homeless shelter. If you get a chance, go lobby for suitable low income housing. Do something. Because you know what? There will be a time when you need something from someone because as Bill Withers sings, "We ALL need somebody to lean on." So if you are able, stand up with your back braced against the need and be that person for someone to lean on.
Peace.
"Lean on Me" by Kirk Franklin
Friday, September 17, 2010
Friday Flirt: Femininity
Recently, my husband told me that he loves the way I carry myself and how I'm so feminine. Not that he hasn't said it before, but something about the way that he said feminine resonated differently. In a good way. I love being called feminine as much as I love being acknowledged as being smart. Sometimes, women might look at being feminine as a negative or as a euphemism for being weak. But, I recognize that the strength of some women is uniquely feminine.
I love painted nails, fragranced lotions, pretty underwear, pointy heels and all things makeup. However, I know that costuming and dress up don't necessary define femininity. I feel just as feminine fresh out of tub in a t-shirt, no makeup and sweatpants. Because, you see, I'm feminine on the inside to my marrow and that just enhances the external appeal.
Can you be a sports loving mama and be feminine? Absolutely. Can you be a machine gun toting sister soldier and be feminine? Without a doubt. It's in the way that you carry yourself, the indescribable something that makes people stop and take stock of you and your actions. Your throaty laugh, the way you curl your hair around a finger, your signature perfume, the way your hips move when you dance, the way you walk, the way you talk...basically, the way you do the things you do.
So ladies, celebrate your femininity; take stock of all of your appealing characteristics and showcase them. Never let anyone make you feel as if you are not strong because you are feminine or that you can't be considered intelligent. Femininity is not about too tight clothing, garish makeup or spilling over breasts. Femininity is understated, yet obvious; indescribable, yet tangible. Femininity is ... you.
"Femininity" by Eric Benét
I love painted nails, fragranced lotions, pretty underwear, pointy heels and all things makeup. However, I know that costuming and dress up don't necessary define femininity. I feel just as feminine fresh out of tub in a t-shirt, no makeup and sweatpants. Because, you see, I'm feminine on the inside to my marrow and that just enhances the external appeal.
Can you be a sports loving mama and be feminine? Absolutely. Can you be a machine gun toting sister soldier and be feminine? Without a doubt. It's in the way that you carry yourself, the indescribable something that makes people stop and take stock of you and your actions. Your throaty laugh, the way you curl your hair around a finger, your signature perfume, the way your hips move when you dance, the way you walk, the way you talk...basically, the way you do the things you do.
So ladies, celebrate your femininity; take stock of all of your appealing characteristics and showcase them. Never let anyone make you feel as if you are not strong because you are feminine or that you can't be considered intelligent. Femininity is not about too tight clothing, garish makeup or spilling over breasts. Femininity is understated, yet obvious; indescribable, yet tangible. Femininity is ... you.
"Femininity" by Eric Benét
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Poetic Pleasures
I am a Poet by nature and I find much comfort in the written word. Sometimes, no explanation is needed. Many times the images speak for themselves. I would like to share a wonderful poem by the courageously bold Audre Lorde. I am particularly fond of "Coal" and have often recited it aloud just to hear the images reverberate in the air. You might also want to read "A Woman Speaks".
Audre Lorde was undefined by conventional standards of beauty, of sexuality, of the so-called Black voice. Her sharply sensuous descriptions dance and explore and punctuate and excite and challenge and...
I hope you enjoy what is one of my favorite poems:
Coal
by Audre Lorde
I
Is the total black, being spoken
From the earth's inside.
There are many kinds of open.
How a diamond comes into a knot of flame
How a sound comes into a word, coloured
By who pays what for speaking.
Some words are open
Like a diamond on glass windows
Singing out within the crash of passing sun
Then there are words like stapled wagers
In a perforated book—buy and sign and tear apart—
And come whatever wills all chances
The stub remains
An ill-pulled tooth with a ragged edge.
Some words live in my throat
Breeding like adders. Others know sun
Seeking like gypsies over my tongue
To explode through my lips
Like young sparrows bursting from shell.
Some words
Bedevil me.
Love is a word another kind of open—
As a diamond comes into a knot of flame
I am black because I come from the earth's inside
Take my word for jewel in your open light.
Audre Lorde was undefined by conventional standards of beauty, of sexuality, of the so-called Black voice. Her sharply sensuous descriptions dance and explore and punctuate and excite and challenge and...
I hope you enjoy what is one of my favorite poems:
Coal
by Audre Lorde
I
Is the total black, being spoken
From the earth's inside.
There are many kinds of open.
How a diamond comes into a knot of flame
How a sound comes into a word, coloured
By who pays what for speaking.
Some words are open
Like a diamond on glass windows
Singing out within the crash of passing sun
Then there are words like stapled wagers
In a perforated book—buy and sign and tear apart—
And come whatever wills all chances
The stub remains
An ill-pulled tooth with a ragged edge.
Some words live in my throat
Breeding like adders. Others know sun
Seeking like gypsies over my tongue
To explode through my lips
Like young sparrows bursting from shell.
Some words
Bedevil me.
Love is a word another kind of open—
As a diamond comes into a knot of flame
I am black because I come from the earth's inside
Take my word for jewel in your open light.
Friday, September 10, 2010
In Search of Satisfaction--Choosing You
Because you never know where life is gonna take you
and you can't change where you've been
But today, I have the opportunity to choose... India Arie in "I Choose"
For many of us, there may be a voice in our heads that keeps us from doing what we NEED to do for our own happiness. I don't mean your conscience that serves to keep you from making poor decisions, I mean that lingering, nagging self-doubt that manifests itself into dissatisfaction. Somewhere at the core of you is someone who wants to dream bigger, soar higher, shine brighter but...you can't. Because of something you did a long time ago or yesterday and someone or some folks said that you can't or you shouldn't so you don't. And then you are paralyzed in the graveyard of dreams with a poor outlook for yourself.
But I implore you to claim your right to satisfaction. Satisfaction doesn't equal wealth or more friends or... Satisfaction does not equal easy living, but at the end of the day you can be satisfied because you know that you did what you NEEDED to survive and even, thrive.
Listen, I made some poor decisions when I was younger and I made some mistakes that I felt that I could never come back from. I wanted to give up and just fade away. But something inside of me challenged me to do what I NEEDED to do and to follow the path that I wanted. I was in search of satisfaction and although I didn't know it then, I would go down an irreversible path of reclaiming my life. I would forge my own path shaped by my own understanding of who I wanted to become. I know now that the saying to thine ownself be true is a necessary component to who becoming yourself, to choosing yourself.
Never let anyone make you feel bad because you are in search of personal satisfaction through self-definition. Don't give your power away. The following song by India Arie was my manifesta last year; I even used it as my ring tone. I wanted everyone to know that when they came in contact with me, they were dealing with a fully developed and aware being. I know who and how I am and I make no apologies for that. I want the best for myself and am purposeful in my actions when I am working on myself. I choose me. Do you choose you?
India Arie "I Choose"
and you can't change where you've been
But today, I have the opportunity to choose... India Arie in "I Choose"
For many of us, there may be a voice in our heads that keeps us from doing what we NEED to do for our own happiness. I don't mean your conscience that serves to keep you from making poor decisions, I mean that lingering, nagging self-doubt that manifests itself into dissatisfaction. Somewhere at the core of you is someone who wants to dream bigger, soar higher, shine brighter but...you can't. Because of something you did a long time ago or yesterday and someone or some folks said that you can't or you shouldn't so you don't. And then you are paralyzed in the graveyard of dreams with a poor outlook for yourself.
But I implore you to claim your right to satisfaction. Satisfaction doesn't equal wealth or more friends or... Satisfaction does not equal easy living, but at the end of the day you can be satisfied because you know that you did what you NEEDED to survive and even, thrive.
Listen, I made some poor decisions when I was younger and I made some mistakes that I felt that I could never come back from. I wanted to give up and just fade away. But something inside of me challenged me to do what I NEEDED to do and to follow the path that I wanted. I was in search of satisfaction and although I didn't know it then, I would go down an irreversible path of reclaiming my life. I would forge my own path shaped by my own understanding of who I wanted to become. I know now that the saying to thine ownself be true is a necessary component to who becoming yourself, to choosing yourself.
Never let anyone make you feel bad because you are in search of personal satisfaction through self-definition. Don't give your power away. The following song by India Arie was my manifesta last year; I even used it as my ring tone. I wanted everyone to know that when they came in contact with me, they were dealing with a fully developed and aware being. I know who and how I am and I make no apologies for that. I want the best for myself and am purposeful in my actions when I am working on myself. I choose me. Do you choose you?
India Arie "I Choose"
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Education Paves the Way
One of the things that I know to be true is that education opens the door to a world of opportunities. Education comes in many forms but is broken into two major categories--informal and formal. The most well educated of us will have a good mix of informal and formal education. We will be able to code shift as necessary and navigate through many arenas.
Informal education can be absorbed from what you learn from reading, tasting, seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, experiencing and so on. It is not based on academics or what you learn in school. How you "read" people, your sense of discernment, your "sixth sense"--these are all examples of informal education. Sometimes we discount informal education and dismiss it, but our elders know the value of "common sense" as it is often known. Good old fashioned common sense can help you make thoughtful decisions that may benefit you and perhaps your larger community. In fact, informal education can be the thing that whets your appetite for learning. In many ways, it works in tandem with formal education.
As for formal education, the benefits can be endless. You can learn about other cultures, expand your mind, earn degrees, be granted titles, secure licensing and increase your earning potential. The process of participating in formal education allows you to interact with different people and maybe even travel the world. With rates of high joblessness, many of us may not see the benefit of getting into debt to get an education. The possibility of not getting a job is cause for alarm, but it still stands that you have a greater chance of getting a job if you have a college degree. But let me give you a piece of advice--try to do something that you love.
Another key element in formal education is developing critical thinking skills based on inquiry (asking questions), analysis (interpreting information) and synthesis (combining findings into intelligent output). Being able to converse in an educated manner is an underestimated skill. Engaging in an intelligent exchange of ideas with equally yoked peers is something to behold. Trust me.
Considering this, a high premium is placed on education. Or rather, there should be. Unfortunately, in many segments of our community, when we pursue degrees, we are considered as sellouts. But it’s never the people who have made it who promote this notion. It’s the folks who feel disconnected and disenfranchised from traditional means of education. Listen, education is no free ticket to financial wealth or the answer to all things. However, the pursuit of intellectualism is a lost art. There are plenty of educated fools in this world. Learning for knowledge’s sake, needs to be brought back to the center of our culture. We need to recognize that folks DIED for the right to get an education and far too many of us are not taking advantage of these opportunities. I’ll be the first one to admit that the educational system has flaws, but you have to be in the system in order to fix the system. You can’t fix it from the outside.
P.S.: If you need a reminder about the power of education, see this earlier post.
Finally, let me leave you with this quote from Marian Wright Edelman: Education is for improving the lives of others and for leaving your community and world better than you found it.
Informal education can be absorbed from what you learn from reading, tasting, seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, experiencing and so on. It is not based on academics or what you learn in school. How you "read" people, your sense of discernment, your "sixth sense"--these are all examples of informal education. Sometimes we discount informal education and dismiss it, but our elders know the value of "common sense" as it is often known. Good old fashioned common sense can help you make thoughtful decisions that may benefit you and perhaps your larger community. In fact, informal education can be the thing that whets your appetite for learning. In many ways, it works in tandem with formal education.
As for formal education, the benefits can be endless. You can learn about other cultures, expand your mind, earn degrees, be granted titles, secure licensing and increase your earning potential. The process of participating in formal education allows you to interact with different people and maybe even travel the world. With rates of high joblessness, many of us may not see the benefit of getting into debt to get an education. The possibility of not getting a job is cause for alarm, but it still stands that you have a greater chance of getting a job if you have a college degree. But let me give you a piece of advice--try to do something that you love.
Another key element in formal education is developing critical thinking skills based on inquiry (asking questions), analysis (interpreting information) and synthesis (combining findings into intelligent output). Being able to converse in an educated manner is an underestimated skill. Engaging in an intelligent exchange of ideas with equally yoked peers is something to behold. Trust me.
Considering this, a high premium is placed on education. Or rather, there should be. Unfortunately, in many segments of our community, when we pursue degrees, we are considered as sellouts. But it’s never the people who have made it who promote this notion. It’s the folks who feel disconnected and disenfranchised from traditional means of education. Listen, education is no free ticket to financial wealth or the answer to all things. However, the pursuit of intellectualism is a lost art. There are plenty of educated fools in this world. Learning for knowledge’s sake, needs to be brought back to the center of our culture. We need to recognize that folks DIED for the right to get an education and far too many of us are not taking advantage of these opportunities. I’ll be the first one to admit that the educational system has flaws, but you have to be in the system in order to fix the system. You can’t fix it from the outside.
P.S.: If you need a reminder about the power of education, see this earlier post.
Finally, let me leave you with this quote from Marian Wright Edelman: Education is for improving the lives of others and for leaving your community and world better than you found it.
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