How many of us say, "Thank you?" I don't mean just when someone gives you change at the grocery store or gives you a gift. I'm serious. How many of us express our gratitude on a consistent basis for things like being a good friend or a good listener? The old folks have a saying that one should "give me my roses while I'm alive." What that means is that we should tell folks all of the positive things we feel about them when they are alive to enjoy them. I mean a funeral eulogy is great, but that is really for everyone else (because um, well, you can't hear them). "Give me my roses while I'm alive."
I believe that we should express our gratitude loudly and often. For real. We get so consumed with the negativity and craziness of our daily lives and we sometimes forget to say "thank you." Seriously. Some of you might be shaking your heads and are wondering if I'm crazy or not. Well, the truth is is that I might be crazy, but I'm never ungrateful. For instance, today I asked folks to like my page on FB and they did. Thank you!!! I'm not feeling well and my grandma came over and did what she does everyday--love me up. Thank you!! Today, I was able to get out of bed, albeit shakily, and put my feet on the floor. Thank you!!
I'm writing this post out of my own need to look at the brighter side. I have been having a rough week and I have found out that some folks I liked a whole lot were shady. So I was feeling sorry for myself for a moment and then one of my kids walked past and gave me a hug. For no reason at. all. And then that same kid said, "Thank you for being a great mom!!" And then walked out of the room. Thank me? No, thank you, you grateful kid!! Thank you, indeed!! Those spoken words of gratitude reignited my spirit and pulled me out of my slump of self-pity. I could remember my worth because I had just been told I was important and that someone appreciated me. Thank you.
So here are my thank yous: Thank you to my family and friends for everything you do to keep me intact, especially my husband, our kids and my grandma. Thank you to all of the people who love me and sustain me in my daily journey. Thank you to my true blue bonafide grown up girlpie crew. Thank you to all of you who have supported my growth and development. Thank you to those of you who have my back and take up for me when I'm too tired to fight. Thank you to the ones who push me to write more, read more, teach more, laugh more, do more, etc...Thank you to everyone who contributes anything artistic to the world because it inspires me as I enjoy it. Thank you to anyone who champions the causes of those who can't advocate for themselves. Thank you to anyone who is trying to make this world a better place and believes that people are worth saving. Thank you for being you and for reading this and for anything, everything that you do to add to the life of someone else. A million times--THANK YOU!!!
India Arie "Little Things"
Showing posts with label Soul Satisfying Music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Soul Satisfying Music. Show all posts
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Friday Flirt: Giving Good Love
It's been awhile since I've done a Friday Flirt, so I wanted to get back to the basics and talk about love...good love. In many of our lives, we have battle scars from love gone bad. Tales of "he did me wrong" or "she was a mistake" pepper our conversations at every turn. We hear stories of love gone right and may shake our heads with a disbelieving, "yeah, whatever." Through our own experiences, we may have become bitter and skeptical about whether true love exists. Somewhere, though, in the recesses of our hearts, a memory still lingers of a time when we believed...
Let me try to restore your faith: love is real. Let me say it again: love is real. I know lots of couples who are living their lives full of love and joy. Couples who deal with the complexities of every day living and still manage to give and receive good love. Notice I said, give and receive. At the heart of any good love experience is reciprocity. If I give my all, then you must give your all. Good love, indeed.
How many of us who are in relationships, take the time to make space for our lovers? I don't mean in a way that suffocates who and how you are. I mean in a way that is mutually satisfying. Do you support your lover's interests? Are you invested in his/her dreams? Do you take the time to check in with your lover to make sure that he/she is feeling protected, encouraged, cherished, etc...? Do you? Because that's how you cultivate good love. Think about it: when you are growing your garden, you must nourish your potential crops with plenty of water and sunshine. You have to put in a consistent amount of work to get the desired result. And if you want to reap the benefits of your hard work, you pay attention to any negative change and adjust your actions accordingly. And that is what you must do if you want good love. You pay attention to your lover and feed your relationship properly. If things start to go awry, you check them out and fix what you can--if you want the desired results.
Too many of us may lose sight of the fact that there are two people in a relationship. We let external forces create chaos in our coupledom. I don't mean when you are in a messed up situation and your people try to save you from yourself (y'all know how that can be). No, I'm talking about two people who are living and loving and making mistakes along the way as they navigate the course of their relationship. Unfortunately, things that can be handled between them, may get inflated when outside folks add their opinions. Once you shake and stir what other folks add, you might end up with a mess. Fareal. However, good love requires that two people who are fully invested in the pursuit of mutual togetherness remember that they have to protect their union. Together.
Many of you may be wondering what does good love look like? I believe that good love is consistent. For me, that is an important element. I don't want you acting sometime-y and moody when it comes to matters of the heart. Even in the midst of conflict, I need to know that your love for me is still present. I believe that good love is honest, period. None of that wishy-washy hemming and hawing. Tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but. Period. There also needs to be respect. Good old fashioned R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Good love should be strong, palpable. I want to feel it to my marrow. I don't want to guess or read some hidden clues that you love me. Fareal. There should be communication: physical, emotional, spiritual and sexual. Ultimately, I want you to love me like I love you. To give 100% in all ways, always. It's simply not negotiable.
I know what good love feels like because I am in a relationship that satisfies me to the core of my being. When I speak of my lover, you hear the chimes of our wedding bells. Even in our disconnections, we are still connected in myriad ways that serve to balance out our bond. For those of you who seek good love, I wish that you can experience it without fear. I wish that you can have your heart stimulated by good love that awakens a desire so strong it makes your knees buckle. I wish you kisses by the light of the moon and whispered love talk that makes you blush at the memory. I wish you love so good that you wear it like a badge of honor. I wish you love, love, everlasting love that fills all your empty places and gives you wings. I wish you a love so good, that it's good...Peace.
"Body and Soul" by Anita Baker (and yes, I know she has a song called, "Good Love")
Let me try to restore your faith: love is real. Let me say it again: love is real. I know lots of couples who are living their lives full of love and joy. Couples who deal with the complexities of every day living and still manage to give and receive good love. Notice I said, give and receive. At the heart of any good love experience is reciprocity. If I give my all, then you must give your all. Good love, indeed.
How many of us who are in relationships, take the time to make space for our lovers? I don't mean in a way that suffocates who and how you are. I mean in a way that is mutually satisfying. Do you support your lover's interests? Are you invested in his/her dreams? Do you take the time to check in with your lover to make sure that he/she is feeling protected, encouraged, cherished, etc...? Do you? Because that's how you cultivate good love. Think about it: when you are growing your garden, you must nourish your potential crops with plenty of water and sunshine. You have to put in a consistent amount of work to get the desired result. And if you want to reap the benefits of your hard work, you pay attention to any negative change and adjust your actions accordingly. And that is what you must do if you want good love. You pay attention to your lover and feed your relationship properly. If things start to go awry, you check them out and fix what you can--if you want the desired results.
Too many of us may lose sight of the fact that there are two people in a relationship. We let external forces create chaos in our coupledom. I don't mean when you are in a messed up situation and your people try to save you from yourself (y'all know how that can be). No, I'm talking about two people who are living and loving and making mistakes along the way as they navigate the course of their relationship. Unfortunately, things that can be handled between them, may get inflated when outside folks add their opinions. Once you shake and stir what other folks add, you might end up with a mess. Fareal. However, good love requires that two people who are fully invested in the pursuit of mutual togetherness remember that they have to protect their union. Together.
Many of you may be wondering what does good love look like? I believe that good love is consistent. For me, that is an important element. I don't want you acting sometime-y and moody when it comes to matters of the heart. Even in the midst of conflict, I need to know that your love for me is still present. I believe that good love is honest, period. None of that wishy-washy hemming and hawing. Tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but. Period. There also needs to be respect. Good old fashioned R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Good love should be strong, palpable. I want to feel it to my marrow. I don't want to guess or read some hidden clues that you love me. Fareal. There should be communication: physical, emotional, spiritual and sexual. Ultimately, I want you to love me like I love you. To give 100% in all ways, always. It's simply not negotiable.
I know what good love feels like because I am in a relationship that satisfies me to the core of my being. When I speak of my lover, you hear the chimes of our wedding bells. Even in our disconnections, we are still connected in myriad ways that serve to balance out our bond. For those of you who seek good love, I wish that you can experience it without fear. I wish that you can have your heart stimulated by good love that awakens a desire so strong it makes your knees buckle. I wish you kisses by the light of the moon and whispered love talk that makes you blush at the memory. I wish you love so good that you wear it like a badge of honor. I wish you love, love, everlasting love that fills all your empty places and gives you wings. I wish you a love so good, that it's good...Peace.
"Body and Soul" by Anita Baker (and yes, I know she has a song called, "Good Love")
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Self Love is the Best Love
This post is an urgent message to all of you out there. It's about the ways we do ourselves wrong and compromise our personal development through our treatment of ourselves. It's about the myriad ways we make ourselves available to others, but take no time to be nice to ourselves. Think about it---when was the last time you looked yourself in the mirror and said, "I love you?" Seriously. When was the last time you wrote yourself a letter and professed your undying love to you? Fareal. Sent yourself some flowers? Bought yourself a gift? Wrote a list of your best characteristics? Huh, when was it? I'm not trying to be facetious; I mean it. We spend so much of our time in busy mode, or crisis mode, or helping everyone mode or whatever mode that we may miss out on the goodness of our ownselves.
If I ask you what was the last nice thing you did for yourself, would you be able to name it? Quickly: tell me what's the last nice thing you did for yourself (10 seconds only...10, 9, 8, 7...). Okay time's up; could you do it? If you came up with something, was it really just for you or did it benefit everyone else around you (e.g: a vacuum cleaner for a gift? Um. That's not really for you)? See, that's it right there. Not too many of us can really say that we took some time to be self-ish (not selfish, because that's something different). Not many of us even knows what true "Me time" means.
Can you fully disconnect from the world and just indulge in the luxury of you? Yeah, you. Because your personal time is a luxury, but we often forget that. We squander our time and put ourselves low on the "to do" list. We say we don't have the time to look after ourselves. You know why? Because we give so much of our time away to everyone else, anyone else, that we forget all about ourselves. Sad, but true. But the truth is that we do have time, but we don't often value ourselves enough to use our time on us. We need to recognize our worth and put ourselves on our personal agendas because we need attention, too.
Think about it: if someone calls us to do something or be somewhere, many of us will drop whatever it is that we are doing and grab our capes and head out the door on a rescue mission (Here I Come to Save the Day). But when we are in need, when our bodies ache, our spirits hurt, our minds burn, we put our own healing and our own needs on the back burner. We say, "Oh, I'll get some rest later" or "Oh, I'll be fine", when really, we are coming apart at the seams. We are stressed to our core, but we ignore the warning signs of our own self-sacrifice. People, we have got to do better!!!!!
Listen, you can't love someone else more than you love yourself. Well, you can, but you SHOULDN'T!!! Yeah, I said it. You should love yourself more than you love anyone else. You know why? Because when you love yourself more, you will be able to treat people better and give the best of yourself to those who deserve it. It's true. When you know who and how you are, when you know your likes and dislikes and when you know your purpose and your worth, you will be your best you! You will be able to give without worry, love without fear and grow without limits. How does it go? "To thine ownself be true" and "Charity begins at home." We haven't been listening y'all, but we need to start because we are our own best thing.
Being a better person starts with you. There is nothing external that can fuel your growth like good old fashioned self-reflection combined with purposeful action. You are beautifully created and you are designed for greatness. In every moment, you have the potential to change a life, including yours. Take time out to know the ins and outs of your being. Look in the mirror and say, "I love you (insert name)" and mean it. If you have some work to do on fixing your stuff (baggage, family history, addictions, anger, etc.), then do it...now. But be loving and gentle and kind to you because there is truly only one you. And at the end of the day, you are all you have. So take good care of your inner and outer selves. Because, you know what? You're worth it.
Peace.
Lizz Wright "Open Your Eyes, You Can Fly"
If I ask you what was the last nice thing you did for yourself, would you be able to name it? Quickly: tell me what's the last nice thing you did for yourself (10 seconds only...10, 9, 8, 7...). Okay time's up; could you do it? If you came up with something, was it really just for you or did it benefit everyone else around you (e.g: a vacuum cleaner for a gift? Um. That's not really for you)? See, that's it right there. Not too many of us can really say that we took some time to be self-ish (not selfish, because that's something different). Not many of us even knows what true "Me time" means.
Can you fully disconnect from the world and just indulge in the luxury of you? Yeah, you. Because your personal time is a luxury, but we often forget that. We squander our time and put ourselves low on the "to do" list. We say we don't have the time to look after ourselves. You know why? Because we give so much of our time away to everyone else, anyone else, that we forget all about ourselves. Sad, but true. But the truth is that we do have time, but we don't often value ourselves enough to use our time on us. We need to recognize our worth and put ourselves on our personal agendas because we need attention, too.
Think about it: if someone calls us to do something or be somewhere, many of us will drop whatever it is that we are doing and grab our capes and head out the door on a rescue mission (Here I Come to Save the Day). But when we are in need, when our bodies ache, our spirits hurt, our minds burn, we put our own healing and our own needs on the back burner. We say, "Oh, I'll get some rest later" or "Oh, I'll be fine", when really, we are coming apart at the seams. We are stressed to our core, but we ignore the warning signs of our own self-sacrifice. People, we have got to do better!!!!!
Listen, you can't love someone else more than you love yourself. Well, you can, but you SHOULDN'T!!! Yeah, I said it. You should love yourself more than you love anyone else. You know why? Because when you love yourself more, you will be able to treat people better and give the best of yourself to those who deserve it. It's true. When you know who and how you are, when you know your likes and dislikes and when you know your purpose and your worth, you will be your best you! You will be able to give without worry, love without fear and grow without limits. How does it go? "To thine ownself be true" and "Charity begins at home." We haven't been listening y'all, but we need to start because we are our own best thing.
Being a better person starts with you. There is nothing external that can fuel your growth like good old fashioned self-reflection combined with purposeful action. You are beautifully created and you are designed for greatness. In every moment, you have the potential to change a life, including yours. Take time out to know the ins and outs of your being. Look in the mirror and say, "I love you (insert name)" and mean it. If you have some work to do on fixing your stuff (baggage, family history, addictions, anger, etc.), then do it...now. But be loving and gentle and kind to you because there is truly only one you. And at the end of the day, you are all you have. So take good care of your inner and outer selves. Because, you know what? You're worth it.
Peace.
Lizz Wright "Open Your Eyes, You Can Fly"
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Easy Like...Well, Like Sunday Morning...
This morning, I had the best time waking up in my husband's arms. I rolled over into his warmth and felt his chest hairs tickle my nose. I snuggled in closer and sighed. Hello, Sunday morning...I listened and outside of our door, I heard little activity; our children were lounging, as well. Each had snuggled into a cocoon of sheets and covers. All was quiet and settled. Even our house seemed as if it had paused to enjoy the morning's stillness. The effect was calming.
Birds were chirping, but their music was muted this morning. It was a soundtrack to the day, embedded into the fiber of every movement. Each breath I took felt cleansing as if I was ridding my spirit of the toxins of the past week. Ahhh...Sunday morning. I listened to the rhythm of my husband's heartbeat and its music intertwined with the music of the birds and the movement of the clouds. With each lu-dup of his heart, I was eased into the serenity of the moment. I felt his breath tickle my ear and the birds were chirping and his heart was beating and my heart was beating and the birds were chirping and...ahhh...Sunday morning. The sun peaked in, a cloud passed by, a still wind blew and all felt right in the world. In this space, in this moment, I felt as if everything was on slow motion and I was so grateful.
Too often, in our ever busy existences, we run over the roses and don't take the time to stop and smell them. We are scheduled, I mean overscheduled to within an inch of our lives. We have so much to do and far too little time. Every hour, every minute, every second seems to belong to someone or something else and then...here comes Sunday... ahhh... A cup of tea, a folded newspaper, a morning hymn, a gentle breeze, a warm touch, a stolen glance...a Sunday morning exhale...ahhh.
Sunday morning can set the barometer for how your week will go. It can be a lazy time in bed or a rousing morning spent in a house of worship. Sunday mornings offer the promise of what the next six days of the week can be like. Sunday is not really the weekend; it is the week beginning. It is a time to plan the activity and set the tone of the upcoming days. To make your mental checks and balances about what to do as you move into the hectic activity of the work week. Some people toil on Sundays and use another day as their "Sunday." But I must admit, there is something spectacular about being in sync with the calendars of most of the people around me. I can count on our collective sighs as I languish in the solitude of Sunday...Ahhh...
Nature by India Arie
Birds were chirping, but their music was muted this morning. It was a soundtrack to the day, embedded into the fiber of every movement. Each breath I took felt cleansing as if I was ridding my spirit of the toxins of the past week. Ahhh...Sunday morning. I listened to the rhythm of my husband's heartbeat and its music intertwined with the music of the birds and the movement of the clouds. With each lu-dup of his heart, I was eased into the serenity of the moment. I felt his breath tickle my ear and the birds were chirping and his heart was beating and my heart was beating and the birds were chirping and...ahhh...Sunday morning. The sun peaked in, a cloud passed by, a still wind blew and all felt right in the world. In this space, in this moment, I felt as if everything was on slow motion and I was so grateful.
Too often, in our ever busy existences, we run over the roses and don't take the time to stop and smell them. We are scheduled, I mean overscheduled to within an inch of our lives. We have so much to do and far too little time. Every hour, every minute, every second seems to belong to someone or something else and then...here comes Sunday... ahhh... A cup of tea, a folded newspaper, a morning hymn, a gentle breeze, a warm touch, a stolen glance...a Sunday morning exhale...ahhh.
Sunday morning can set the barometer for how your week will go. It can be a lazy time in bed or a rousing morning spent in a house of worship. Sunday mornings offer the promise of what the next six days of the week can be like. Sunday is not really the weekend; it is the week beginning. It is a time to plan the activity and set the tone of the upcoming days. To make your mental checks and balances about what to do as you move into the hectic activity of the work week. Some people toil on Sundays and use another day as their "Sunday." But I must admit, there is something spectacular about being in sync with the calendars of most of the people around me. I can count on our collective sighs as I languish in the solitude of Sunday...Ahhh...
Nature by India Arie
Saturday, January 22, 2011
I Yam What I Yam...And I Love Me Still
I got a revelation, y'all. Come close because I don't want you to miss nary a minute of what I have to say. Lean in, closer, closer...yeah right there...What I want to tell you is: I LOVE ME SOME ME!!!!!!!!!! Yessir, yes ma'am, yessiree Bob and all of that. Today, at this moment, at this place in time: I am comfortable in my own skin.
That's a mouthful and it's no small endeavor. See, I am a self-reflective person. I constantly do a checks and balance on myself to see how I measure up to the person I want to be. Most times, I'm on point. But sometimes, well, sometimes--I fall short. Yeah, because even when I want to be better, I get stuck in the frailty of human emotion (and dare I say, ego) and I mess up. I don't always get it right. However, even in my moments of making mistakes or of doing a little less than I intended, I still love me. Yeah, I do. You know why? Because I should--plain and simple. There is no fancy equation or formula, it just is what it 'tis.
Often, we start looking sideways and comparing ourselves to the Jones' or whomever and we don't quite measure up in our estimation. But that's the problem--you don't know them people or what they are dealing with, so stop trying to be like them. Stop trying to do what they do and be how they be. Now, don't get me wrong--there isn't anything wrong with trying to find suitable role models and wanting to better yourself. As the kids say, "that's what's up" (translation: it is a good thing). But the danger is in living your life based on what other people do and say. The danger is in feeling as if you never are enough or that you can never get enough. That is dangerous, indeed. There is some satisfaction to be found in the scope of who you are. There is some satisfaction to be found in the YOU of who you are.
Come closer, I want to tell you something. Lean in closely and soak up all I have to say: YOU ARE YOUR BEST THING (Beloved reference). Fareal, fareal. If no one has ever told you before, I want you to know that there is beauty in every breath you take, in all of your moments. There is joy, hope, love, kindness, patience and peace inside of you. No one can take what you don't offer. See, I love me some me and it is no small statement I make when I tell you that I embrace myself--all my beauty, my pain, my joys, my sorrows, my missteps and my me. I love me and as I am changing, I continue to see the best of who I will become, one day, someday. But today, right now, at this moment in time, I love me just as I am. Do you love you?
Peace.
Jennifer Hudson "I Am Changing"
That's a mouthful and it's no small endeavor. See, I am a self-reflective person. I constantly do a checks and balance on myself to see how I measure up to the person I want to be. Most times, I'm on point. But sometimes, well, sometimes--I fall short. Yeah, because even when I want to be better, I get stuck in the frailty of human emotion (and dare I say, ego) and I mess up. I don't always get it right. However, even in my moments of making mistakes or of doing a little less than I intended, I still love me. Yeah, I do. You know why? Because I should--plain and simple. There is no fancy equation or formula, it just is what it 'tis.
Often, we start looking sideways and comparing ourselves to the Jones' or whomever and we don't quite measure up in our estimation. But that's the problem--you don't know them people or what they are dealing with, so stop trying to be like them. Stop trying to do what they do and be how they be. Now, don't get me wrong--there isn't anything wrong with trying to find suitable role models and wanting to better yourself. As the kids say, "that's what's up" (translation: it is a good thing). But the danger is in living your life based on what other people do and say. The danger is in feeling as if you never are enough or that you can never get enough. That is dangerous, indeed. There is some satisfaction to be found in the scope of who you are. There is some satisfaction to be found in the YOU of who you are.
Come closer, I want to tell you something. Lean in closely and soak up all I have to say: YOU ARE YOUR BEST THING (Beloved reference). Fareal, fareal. If no one has ever told you before, I want you to know that there is beauty in every breath you take, in all of your moments. There is joy, hope, love, kindness, patience and peace inside of you. No one can take what you don't offer. See, I love me some me and it is no small statement I make when I tell you that I embrace myself--all my beauty, my pain, my joys, my sorrows, my missteps and my me. I love me and as I am changing, I continue to see the best of who I will become, one day, someday. But today, right now, at this moment in time, I love me just as I am. Do you love you?
Peace.
Jennifer Hudson "I Am Changing"
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Village People
One of my childhood friends posted on FB lamenting the loss of "The Village." Y'all know, "THE VILLAGE"? That place where old gra'mamas and gran'daddies were quick to cut a switch to chastise an unruly child? The neighborhood where any and ev'ry person older than you had a right to put you in your place and even spank your tail if need be (follow along, folks--there's gonna be a lot of colloquial language in this post). The place where all adults were addressed as Mrs., Mr. or Ms. So and So? Or if your family was close to them, they were called Auntie, Uncle or Cousin Such and Such? Everyone in The Village knew you and all of your bizness (if you were old enough to have any). The place where street gangs had standards and even operated like mini-Pac Tacs keeping the outside riff raff from harming the local folks (crazy, but true)?
I remember The Village: they were the folks who instilled the fear of God (pronounced GA-UHD--in my southern Baptist Preacher voice) in children and who made us stand up a little straighter and talk a little lower when they were within earshot or eye sight. The Villagers didn't, as James Brown said, "Take no mess" and thank goodness we didn't try them too often. Remember when we were growing up (anyone before 1980) and we had to sneak and do stuff? I remember knowing if anyone in my neighborhood saw me doing anything unbecoming, my @ss was grass and any one of them would be the lawnmower? (Insert trembling child here). Shute!! I was scared of these folks, not because they were mean (although some of them were); I was scared of these folks because I knew that their hopes and dreams were poured into me and their children and grandchildren and they were willing to do whatever to make sure that we didn't mess up. What.ever. (Who callin' CPS? You better toe the line!!)
Listen, I was raised by my grandmother, who hailed from the South. We grew up under "heavy manners" (as my Trini friend would say). The Village was watching: we polished our shoes on Sunday and washed any laces for sneakers; we wore foundation garments and slips under our dresses. The young men wore belts and hard bottomed shoes to church on Sunday. We brushed our hair and teeth with equal enthusiasm. We had to look sharp because The Villagers didn't play. Cleanliness was next to Godliness indeed!! We had Chores (*gasps*). Yup, actual chores that we did on Saturday mornings while listening to old school R and B on the local radio station. And we didn't complain (at least not loud enough to be heard--who had a death wish?). We hopped our dusty butts out the bed and got our buckets of pinesol, bleach, and furniture polish and went to work. The Villagers demanded a clean space as well as a clean body.
But the Village wasn't all pressed shirts and Saturday chores. The Village was kickball games, block parties, corner stores, juleps (whatchall know about a julep stand?), etc. It was a place where children could be children because the adults had their roles covered. We could stay out until the street lights came on and then we scattered (like roaches, I guess) and got home "just in time." Y'all remember kickball, dodge ball, shoot 'em bust 'em up (not as violent as it sounds), basketball at the local court or rec center? Do y'all remember penny candy that actually costed (yeah, I wrote costed) a penny? Do y'all remember peppermints in your pickles? Man, I'm getting nostalgic writing this...(I'm about to go buy some Boston Baked Beans and then blow in the empty carton to make a whistle sound *sigh*).
I'm telling you, these kids today don't know nothing about The Village. They don't have the benefit of true neighborhoods where all the kids played together no matter how much money they had or who lived in the home. It was truly "all for one and one for all." Y'all need some food? Food cupboard, nothing. The neighbors went to their own meager cupboards and somehow made meals and brought food to whosoever needed it. Need some money? Man, the local numbers runner also doubled as a credit union and you could just pay him back a little at a time so long as you sent him a fresh pie and a plate of colla'd greens on Sunday. Man, The Village was all right. We took care of our own. What you know about 9-1-1? Somebody broke into your house? Any of the local thugs would be puttin' his ear to the street to find out who got'cho stuff. And when he brought it back to you and told you "don't ask any questions, ma'am", you chastised him for beatin' somebody up? #Thevillagedon'tdiscriminate.
Listen, the Village had some problems (this post ain't about that), but I am tellin' you (in my Dreamgirls voice) that the Village boosted up a lot more than it broke. That it shaped a lot more than it shortchanged. I am a walking testament that living under the watchful eye of the Villagers made me the woman I am today: a God fearing, peppermint in pickle eatin', Saturday chore doin', old school R and B list'nin, foundation garment wearin', shoe polishin', colla'd green making RESPECTFUL jr. Villager. I am a proud product of the Village and I stand on the shoulders of the Villagers who helped shaped me. Thank you Grandma, Grandaddy Frank, Ms. Myrtle, Ms. Henrietta, Ms. Delores, Ms. Tee, So Sporty, Grandaddy Sam, Shake and Bake, Mr. Vaughn, Mr. Willie Dennis, and many more...Thank you for looking over me and watching out for me and being an unconventional family...
"Every Ghetto, Every City" by Lauryn Hill
I remember The Village: they were the folks who instilled the fear of God (pronounced GA-UHD--in my southern Baptist Preacher voice) in children and who made us stand up a little straighter and talk a little lower when they were within earshot or eye sight. The Villagers didn't, as James Brown said, "Take no mess" and thank goodness we didn't try them too often. Remember when we were growing up (anyone before 1980) and we had to sneak and do stuff? I remember knowing if anyone in my neighborhood saw me doing anything unbecoming, my @ss was grass and any one of them would be the lawnmower? (Insert trembling child here). Shute!! I was scared of these folks, not because they were mean (although some of them were); I was scared of these folks because I knew that their hopes and dreams were poured into me and their children and grandchildren and they were willing to do whatever to make sure that we didn't mess up. What.ever. (Who callin' CPS? You better toe the line!!)
Listen, I was raised by my grandmother, who hailed from the South. We grew up under "heavy manners" (as my Trini friend would say). The Village was watching: we polished our shoes on Sunday and washed any laces for sneakers; we wore foundation garments and slips under our dresses. The young men wore belts and hard bottomed shoes to church on Sunday. We brushed our hair and teeth with equal enthusiasm. We had to look sharp because The Villagers didn't play. Cleanliness was next to Godliness indeed!! We had Chores (*gasps*). Yup, actual chores that we did on Saturday mornings while listening to old school R and B on the local radio station. And we didn't complain (at least not loud enough to be heard--who had a death wish?). We hopped our dusty butts out the bed and got our buckets of pinesol, bleach, and furniture polish and went to work. The Villagers demanded a clean space as well as a clean body.
But the Village wasn't all pressed shirts and Saturday chores. The Village was kickball games, block parties, corner stores, juleps (whatchall know about a julep stand?), etc. It was a place where children could be children because the adults had their roles covered. We could stay out until the street lights came on and then we scattered (like roaches, I guess) and got home "just in time." Y'all remember kickball, dodge ball, shoot 'em bust 'em up (not as violent as it sounds), basketball at the local court or rec center? Do y'all remember penny candy that actually costed (yeah, I wrote costed) a penny? Do y'all remember peppermints in your pickles? Man, I'm getting nostalgic writing this...(I'm about to go buy some Boston Baked Beans and then blow in the empty carton to make a whistle sound *sigh*).
I'm telling you, these kids today don't know nothing about The Village. They don't have the benefit of true neighborhoods where all the kids played together no matter how much money they had or who lived in the home. It was truly "all for one and one for all." Y'all need some food? Food cupboard, nothing. The neighbors went to their own meager cupboards and somehow made meals and brought food to whosoever needed it. Need some money? Man, the local numbers runner also doubled as a credit union and you could just pay him back a little at a time so long as you sent him a fresh pie and a plate of colla'd greens on Sunday. Man, The Village was all right. We took care of our own. What you know about 9-1-1? Somebody broke into your house? Any of the local thugs would be puttin' his ear to the street to find out who got'cho stuff. And when he brought it back to you and told you "don't ask any questions, ma'am", you chastised him for beatin' somebody up? #Thevillagedon'tdiscriminate.
Listen, the Village had some problems (this post ain't about that), but I am tellin' you (in my Dreamgirls voice) that the Village boosted up a lot more than it broke. That it shaped a lot more than it shortchanged. I am a walking testament that living under the watchful eye of the Villagers made me the woman I am today: a God fearing, peppermint in pickle eatin', Saturday chore doin', old school R and B list'nin, foundation garment wearin', shoe polishin', colla'd green making RESPECTFUL jr. Villager. I am a proud product of the Village and I stand on the shoulders of the Villagers who helped shaped me. Thank you Grandma, Grandaddy Frank, Ms. Myrtle, Ms. Henrietta, Ms. Delores, Ms. Tee, So Sporty, Grandaddy Sam, Shake and Bake, Mr. Vaughn, Mr. Willie Dennis, and many more...Thank you for looking over me and watching out for me and being an unconventional family...
"Every Ghetto, Every City" by Lauryn Hill
Friday, December 31, 2010
Hello, New Year!!!!!
Happy New Year, Good People!! As we usher in a new year, I just want to want to say that for many of us, the new year offers the promise of a fresh beginning and a chance to start over. However, I want you to take some time to think of all the beautiful things you did last year and will continue to do in the new year. Too often, we look at New Year's Day as a makeover free for all and forget that we might be doing some really good things that need to carry over into the new year. Crazy, right? But it's soooo true. Here's my list of things I'm taking into the new year (in no particular order):
Working out:
I just recently started working out and I like the way it makes me feel. I was going to wait until 1/01/2011, but decided to start early. I'm loving the MJ Experience game for Wii and I could dance to it all night (well, in short bursts until I get my stamina up). I will definitely keep at it because I want to be healthier.
Drinking only tap water and diet beverages
I stopped drinking bottled water in April after being schooled by some very knowledgeable people and I will continue to do so. I need to keep my blood sugar in check, so it's been mostly diet beverages. I like that I'm focused on my health and want to set a good example for my children.
Writing more
I have been writing more since I started blogging!! I love that I get to reach out to so many people via the Web. I have been writing for a book that I want to have published soon. So, I am definitely going to write more next year!
Being a good listener
I like to help people, but one of my greatest strengths is being a good listener. When people come to me for advice or just to vent, they know that they have my full, undivided attention.
Treating others how I want to be treated
This is a big one for me. People always tell me how nice I am and I think it's because I follow the golden rule. It's that simple. I believe in the laws of reciprocity and karma...
So that's my short list. I must say that I really like the person I am. I work very hard on being better and I would like to think that it shows. So, in 2011, I want to continue my journey of enlightenment as I strive to be a better wife, mother, granddaughter, sister, friend, auntie, professor, etc...By no means am I perfect (or even close to it); however, I think it's so easy to point out what we do wrong, I wanted to point out a few things I do well. I pledge to take more time for myself, sleep more and laugh more (even when I get my braces). I want to make sure I surround myself with people I love and who love me. I want to make sure that I listen to my intuition and trust my inner voice.
What do you do well and what are you going to work on? Whatever it is, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!
"New Attitude" by Patti LaBelle
Working out:
I just recently started working out and I like the way it makes me feel. I was going to wait until 1/01/2011, but decided to start early. I'm loving the MJ Experience game for Wii and I could dance to it all night (well, in short bursts until I get my stamina up). I will definitely keep at it because I want to be healthier.
Drinking only tap water and diet beverages
I stopped drinking bottled water in April after being schooled by some very knowledgeable people and I will continue to do so. I need to keep my blood sugar in check, so it's been mostly diet beverages. I like that I'm focused on my health and want to set a good example for my children.
Writing more
I have been writing more since I started blogging!! I love that I get to reach out to so many people via the Web. I have been writing for a book that I want to have published soon. So, I am definitely going to write more next year!
Being a good listener
I like to help people, but one of my greatest strengths is being a good listener. When people come to me for advice or just to vent, they know that they have my full, undivided attention.
Treating others how I want to be treated
This is a big one for me. People always tell me how nice I am and I think it's because I follow the golden rule. It's that simple. I believe in the laws of reciprocity and karma...
So that's my short list. I must say that I really like the person I am. I work very hard on being better and I would like to think that it shows. So, in 2011, I want to continue my journey of enlightenment as I strive to be a better wife, mother, granddaughter, sister, friend, auntie, professor, etc...By no means am I perfect (or even close to it); however, I think it's so easy to point out what we do wrong, I wanted to point out a few things I do well. I pledge to take more time for myself, sleep more and laugh more (even when I get my braces). I want to make sure I surround myself with people I love and who love me. I want to make sure that I listen to my intuition and trust my inner voice.
What do you do well and what are you going to work on? Whatever it is, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!
"New Attitude" by Patti LaBelle
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Resolutions: When People Show You Who They Are...
As the New Year approaches, I am revisiting some areas of my life that need revamping. I want to take stock of where I am and where I want to be. Considering this, I want to look at how I can still be a helpful, nurturing person without sacrificing my own self-hood. I want deal with people in ways that are mutually beneficial. All my life, I have been a nurturer. I have been the one people run to when they have needed advice, needed to be fed, needed someone to listen, needed someone to care, needed someone to make them laugh, heck, any time they needed someone to (fill in the blank). And quite honestly, I have mostly enjoyed helping people. Even when I'm tired, I get satisfaction from filling someone's cup. I like the fact that folks can count on me. As a result of my actions, I have found that most people think I'm nice, well, probably more than nice and that's okay with me. *Insert smile*
However, I do realize that there is a downside to being a nurturer--you tend to always look for the best in people. And no matter how many other folks see people as selfish, low down, no count, ungrateful or whatever, I try to see the best in them. Even when they prove themselves to be selfish, low down, no count, ungrateful or whatever. Now, I am no one's fool, but I do have a soft heart. So this year, I'm gonna do better about seeing people as they are and not how I want them to be. Because sometimes, when people show you who they are, you have to believe them. Sad to say, but sometimes, people are just who they have shown you and everyone else they are. And despite anyone's best intentions, they will continue to do what they will do and be how they will be.
This might not seem like a big revelation to some people out there, but to me: it's monumental. See, I nurture folks because I want to see them do better, have better, know better, etc. I want them to know that someone in this world is here for them. But now I'm starting to understand that some people can't be helped. That whenever you show them up, they wanna look down. You show them joy and all they see is pain. You show them love and...well, you get broken. True story.
If I could heal the world, I would. I don't mean in a superficial way where I get all the credit for being a great benefactor, a wonderful donor, an empathetic humanitarian--nope, I would do it how I do it now--on the low. See I want the best for people and sometimes, I have to understand that some things are better left broken and some people are better left alone. *insert sad face.* Maybe someone who is reading this is thinking, well, it's not about you, it's about them. If you are really helping people, then you shouldn't care how they respond. Just help. And I will tell you that that's how I've been operating...help, help, help...but you know what? I'm tired. Because I'm nurturing people not sheep. And even though I understand that people only do what they can do, I have to understand this for myself as well--I can only do what I can do.
I've always been that child who wished on stars, prayed to God, hoped against hope and believed that people will do better, be better, want better. I won't ever lose that part of myself. However, what I do know is that my desire for something doesn't make it true. Because I want the best for someone or many someones, doesn't mean it will be because maybe, just maybe this is who and how they are. And no matter how many wishes I make, this is the only way they know how to be. See, when people show you who they are, you have to believe them.
For the New Year, my resolution related to this is that I will continue to work to be a blessing in the lives of others. When I give, I will continue to do so with an open heart and a willing spirit. I will make sure that my actions match my thoughts. And (this may be most important), when someone shows me who he or she is, I will deal with them accordingly. No harm, no foul. I will protect myself and my heart and I will believe them when they show me the how and the what of the who they really are. Fareal fareal.
Peace.
"I Keep" by Jill Scott
However, I do realize that there is a downside to being a nurturer--you tend to always look for the best in people. And no matter how many other folks see people as selfish, low down, no count, ungrateful or whatever, I try to see the best in them. Even when they prove themselves to be selfish, low down, no count, ungrateful or whatever. Now, I am no one's fool, but I do have a soft heart. So this year, I'm gonna do better about seeing people as they are and not how I want them to be. Because sometimes, when people show you who they are, you have to believe them. Sad to say, but sometimes, people are just who they have shown you and everyone else they are. And despite anyone's best intentions, they will continue to do what they will do and be how they will be.
This might not seem like a big revelation to some people out there, but to me: it's monumental. See, I nurture folks because I want to see them do better, have better, know better, etc. I want them to know that someone in this world is here for them. But now I'm starting to understand that some people can't be helped. That whenever you show them up, they wanna look down. You show them joy and all they see is pain. You show them love and...well, you get broken. True story.
If I could heal the world, I would. I don't mean in a superficial way where I get all the credit for being a great benefactor, a wonderful donor, an empathetic humanitarian--nope, I would do it how I do it now--on the low. See I want the best for people and sometimes, I have to understand that some things are better left broken and some people are better left alone. *insert sad face.* Maybe someone who is reading this is thinking, well, it's not about you, it's about them. If you are really helping people, then you shouldn't care how they respond. Just help. And I will tell you that that's how I've been operating...help, help, help...but you know what? I'm tired. Because I'm nurturing people not sheep. And even though I understand that people only do what they can do, I have to understand this for myself as well--I can only do what I can do.
I've always been that child who wished on stars, prayed to God, hoped against hope and believed that people will do better, be better, want better. I won't ever lose that part of myself. However, what I do know is that my desire for something doesn't make it true. Because I want the best for someone or many someones, doesn't mean it will be because maybe, just maybe this is who and how they are. And no matter how many wishes I make, this is the only way they know how to be. See, when people show you who they are, you have to believe them.
For the New Year, my resolution related to this is that I will continue to work to be a blessing in the lives of others. When I give, I will continue to do so with an open heart and a willing spirit. I will make sure that my actions match my thoughts. And (this may be most important), when someone shows me who he or she is, I will deal with them accordingly. No harm, no foul. I will protect myself and my heart and I will believe them when they show me the how and the what of the who they really are. Fareal fareal.
Peace.
"I Keep" by Jill Scott
Friday, December 24, 2010
Hang All the Mistletoe
I am blessed to come from a family who celebrates every.single.holiday. My grandmother always made sure that we had a good time whether it was a family barbeque for the Fourth of July (her birthday) to a turkey and dressing filled Thanksgiving. We ate, laughed and had a good ole time. Christmas was particularly festive: we had stockings, decorations, a beautiful tree and a blow up Santa and all the reindeer (my grandma was and still is da' queen of holiday decorating). Our house was the spot and yup, we ate, laughed and had a good ole time.
And you know what? We still do!! Despite all of our stuff, we still hang out together for all the holidays. It's never about the gifts, it's always been about the family. I love my family, with every fiber of my being, with everything I have. I love the spirit of the season and I am blessed to be surrounded by people I love and who love me back. From my family to yours, Happy Holidays!! And to get the party started, here are a few of my must have Christmas tunes:
"Every Year Every Christmas" by Luther Vandross
"My Favorite Things" by The Supremes
"Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto" by James Brown
"Silent Night" by The Temptations
"This Christmas" by Donny Hathaway
"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" by The Jackson Five
"Please Come Home For Christmas" by Charles Brown
And you know what? We still do!! Despite all of our stuff, we still hang out together for all the holidays. It's never about the gifts, it's always been about the family. I love my family, with every fiber of my being, with everything I have. I love the spirit of the season and I am blessed to be surrounded by people I love and who love me back. From my family to yours, Happy Holidays!! And to get the party started, here are a few of my must have Christmas tunes:
"Every Year Every Christmas" by Luther Vandross
"My Favorite Things" by The Supremes
"Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto" by James Brown
"Silent Night" by The Temptations
"This Christmas" by Donny Hathaway
"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" by The Jackson Five
"Please Come Home For Christmas" by Charles Brown
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Getting to Happy...
Ok, so the title of this post invokes Terry McMillian's latest work and that's intended. Recently, I facilitated a book talk that centered around this novel. One of the things that the attendees and I spoke to was the sadness in each of the female characters' lives. We knew the title stated getting to happy, but the consensus was that the journey didn't have to be that hard or that long (no spoilers). Annnnddd, it didn't seem as if anyone was truly happy at the end (oops--slight spoiler). So that got me to thinking--what is happiness? How do you truly measure something that is so indescribable, yet so palpable? I see many people walking around and living their lives, searching for satisfaction, but falling short.
How many of us know someone who, no matter what they have, still never seems satisfied? I don't mean the "go-gettas" who are the movers and shakers always aspiring to get the next big break. Who I am speaking about are the folks who are abundantly blessed but seem to be cursed with the Eeyore gene. No matter how good life is, they only see the hardships or the struggle or the pain or the...(insert any sad noun). Now I am not suggesting that one should run around like Pollyanna and be super de-duper happy about ev.er.y.thing. What I am suggesting is that we try to tap into the things that give us pleasure.
Full disclosure: I have been through some thangs in my life (insert violins and tears)--for real. I have experienced enough sadness to bring down a small town, enough disappointments to cripple a tiny village. But guess what? As many times as I have seen heartbreak, I have experienced joy tenfold. As much as I have seen darkness, I have taken comfort in the sun ten times over. See, because I understand that in each life a little rain must fall (old school R&B reference) and I understand that I don't deserve to have it any easier than the next person. I might sound crazy, but I promise you that I am so serious. See, I want to have it easy, to skip through life with no pain or sorrow. But really I don't. Because the truth is: the woman I am is mostly defined by my scabs and scars. I'm not suggesting that we should ask for hard times, but I am suggesting that we make peace with the knowledge that we all will go through some stuff. And how we handle that stuff, shows who we truly are.
In those moments of hardship, we get to develop our character, our compassion and our humanity. We get to sift through the muck of life and pick out the things that truly benefit us, enrich us or sustain us. As we move towards happy, we have to embrace the journey, as beautiful and as broken as it may be. We have to understand that it's the getting to that truly defines the "happy." I'm happy, are you?
Earth, Wind and Fire "Keep Your Head to the Sky"
How many of us know someone who, no matter what they have, still never seems satisfied? I don't mean the "go-gettas" who are the movers and shakers always aspiring to get the next big break. Who I am speaking about are the folks who are abundantly blessed but seem to be cursed with the Eeyore gene. No matter how good life is, they only see the hardships or the struggle or the pain or the...(insert any sad noun). Now I am not suggesting that one should run around like Pollyanna and be super de-duper happy about ev.er.y.thing. What I am suggesting is that we try to tap into the things that give us pleasure.
Full disclosure: I have been through some thangs in my life (insert violins and tears)--for real. I have experienced enough sadness to bring down a small town, enough disappointments to cripple a tiny village. But guess what? As many times as I have seen heartbreak, I have experienced joy tenfold. As much as I have seen darkness, I have taken comfort in the sun ten times over. See, because I understand that in each life a little rain must fall (old school R&B reference) and I understand that I don't deserve to have it any easier than the next person. I might sound crazy, but I promise you that I am so serious. See, I want to have it easy, to skip through life with no pain or sorrow. But really I don't. Because the truth is: the woman I am is mostly defined by my scabs and scars. I'm not suggesting that we should ask for hard times, but I am suggesting that we make peace with the knowledge that we all will go through some stuff. And how we handle that stuff, shows who we truly are.
In those moments of hardship, we get to develop our character, our compassion and our humanity. We get to sift through the muck of life and pick out the things that truly benefit us, enrich us or sustain us. As we move towards happy, we have to embrace the journey, as beautiful and as broken as it may be. We have to understand that it's the getting to that truly defines the "happy." I'm happy, are you?
Earth, Wind and Fire "Keep Your Head to the Sky"
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Welcome to the Holiday Season 2010. This is our chance to buy, buy, buy, more, more, more! This is the time for mass consumption of food, beverage and material purchases!! Black Friday, Cyber Monday, BOGO--sales, sales, sales!! My head spins with the thought of the number of bargains I could be taking advantage of even. as. I. type. Here is my chance to get that big screen t.v, that leather work bag, that brand new microwave, game systems for my kids and a computer for the husband!!! Ca--ching!!!! I am sure by now you have recognized my sarcasm--oh, you were about to call to see if I needed a shopping partner? o_O Well then this post is for YOU!!
Full disclosure: I love this time of year!! The parties, the family, the food, the fun, the joy, the music, the tree, the lights, the...everything! What I don't like about this time of the year is the mad dash for over consumption. The non-stop commercials to buy more, as if love can be measured by dollars spent. Hey, I am not begrudging anyone who wants to go out and spend his/her hard earned money on gifts for family and friends (another disclosure: I love gifts). What I do not like is buying for buying's sake. What's that? I repeat, I do not like buying for buying's sake. I cannot stand to see people running to the malls, lining up outside of stores just because someone has said that there is a deal to be found. I cannot stand the thought of brand new things piling up in people's basements, attics, closets, crawl spaces, car trunks, etc. never to be used because there is just soooo much to wade through and so we forget we even have all that stuff.
All that stuff that could be getting used by someone else, all that stuff that could benefit someone else. All that stuff--stuff we buy to cover up our feelings of inadequacy, our lack of self-worth, our need for love, our desire to be the Joneses...a space that needs filling in our lives, so we became super consumers--"did you see what I just bought?" What about what you have done to help someone, change someone, impact someone? In these times of want, there are so many people in need--right in our backyards is someone who can benefit from our generosity, our kindness, our charity.
Listen, I am not saying that you shouldn't buy gifts or spend money on wanted items. What I am suggesting is that we all take stock of our lives and see where we overspend on frivolous things. Especially during these economic times. Especially during this time of the year. Especially...aw shucks, y'all--just help someone, somewhere, somehow. Peace.
Give Love on Christmas Day--Jackson 5
Full disclosure: I love this time of year!! The parties, the family, the food, the fun, the joy, the music, the tree, the lights, the...everything! What I don't like about this time of the year is the mad dash for over consumption. The non-stop commercials to buy more, as if love can be measured by dollars spent. Hey, I am not begrudging anyone who wants to go out and spend his/her hard earned money on gifts for family and friends (another disclosure: I love gifts). What I do not like is buying for buying's sake. What's that? I repeat, I do not like buying for buying's sake. I cannot stand to see people running to the malls, lining up outside of stores just because someone has said that there is a deal to be found. I cannot stand the thought of brand new things piling up in people's basements, attics, closets, crawl spaces, car trunks, etc. never to be used because there is just soooo much to wade through and so we forget we even have all that stuff.
All that stuff that could be getting used by someone else, all that stuff that could benefit someone else. All that stuff--stuff we buy to cover up our feelings of inadequacy, our lack of self-worth, our need for love, our desire to be the Joneses...a space that needs filling in our lives, so we became super consumers--"did you see what I just bought?" What about what you have done to help someone, change someone, impact someone? In these times of want, there are so many people in need--right in our backyards is someone who can benefit from our generosity, our kindness, our charity.
Listen, I am not saying that you shouldn't buy gifts or spend money on wanted items. What I am suggesting is that we all take stock of our lives and see where we overspend on frivolous things. Especially during these economic times. Especially during this time of the year. Especially...aw shucks, y'all--just help someone, somewhere, somehow. Peace.
Give Love on Christmas Day--Jackson 5
Sunday, November 21, 2010
All I Do Is Win...
Recently, I was talking to someone who mentioned that people often said she acted as if she were "better" than them. Uh-oh. I'm sure some of you have heard that phrase before from someone who thought you were "bourgie", "siddity", "stuck up" or some other such descriptor that alluded to your perceived worth. I can't tell you the numbers of times I have heard someone (or me) being accused of acting like he/she was better than the speaker of the words: "you think you're better than me because you have (insert some arbitrary measure they have used to determine your worth)." Pause tape. What do you do when someone accuses you of putting on airs or acting "better?"
I used to cringe every time someone accused me of "talking white" or thinking I was better than he/she was. Now I know better. Puh-lease. I do think I'm better than that. If that is sitting on my butt, not doing anything, speaking broken English, not reading books, not getting an education, not volunteering, not taking care of my family, not being happy in my marriage. D*mn straight!! Notice I didn't say I thought I was better than them; I said I was better than that. Let me tell you something--the world does not begin or end with your success or your failure. Yup, I said it. I repeat: the world does not begin or end with your success or your failure. What you choose to do with yourself may only impact those in your circle. A lucky few of us will be able to impact people in greater numbers. That being said, Do YOU!!
Who cares what the next person says about who and how you are? Heck yeah, you should think you are better; you might even think you fancy, huh? Good stuff!! You should!! In every moment, you should strive to do your best, be your best and live your best life! You don't owe folks any explanations about wanting more for you and yours. You don't owe folks any reasons for wanting to do more and be more. You should set the bar high for your personal success and do what it takes to achieve your goals.
Let me tell you about me and I say this with no arrogance or snootiness: all I do is win!! Yup, I said it. Chest out, full bravado intact: all I do is win. I make no small work of winning because I work hard for all I have and do. Wait--I'm not talking about material possessions; I am talking about how I live my life. There are very few things that I have wanted to do and I haven't. You know why? 'Cause all I do is win!! And the more I win, the more I can help other people tap into their abilities to win. The more I win, I can work towards doing more, being more, helping more, living more, seeing more, more, more, more...I dream big and so I live out loud, I color outside the lines and I enjoy myself in the small moments. I determine my worth, I define my value, I set the benchmark for who and how I am. All I do is win--do you?
Hate On Me by Jill Scott
I used to cringe every time someone accused me of "talking white" or thinking I was better than he/she was. Now I know better. Puh-lease. I do think I'm better than that. If that is sitting on my butt, not doing anything, speaking broken English, not reading books, not getting an education, not volunteering, not taking care of my family, not being happy in my marriage. D*mn straight!! Notice I didn't say I thought I was better than them; I said I was better than that. Let me tell you something--the world does not begin or end with your success or your failure. Yup, I said it. I repeat: the world does not begin or end with your success or your failure. What you choose to do with yourself may only impact those in your circle. A lucky few of us will be able to impact people in greater numbers. That being said, Do YOU!!
Who cares what the next person says about who and how you are? Heck yeah, you should think you are better; you might even think you fancy, huh? Good stuff!! You should!! In every moment, you should strive to do your best, be your best and live your best life! You don't owe folks any explanations about wanting more for you and yours. You don't owe folks any reasons for wanting to do more and be more. You should set the bar high for your personal success and do what it takes to achieve your goals.
Let me tell you about me and I say this with no arrogance or snootiness: all I do is win!! Yup, I said it. Chest out, full bravado intact: all I do is win. I make no small work of winning because I work hard for all I have and do. Wait--I'm not talking about material possessions; I am talking about how I live my life. There are very few things that I have wanted to do and I haven't. You know why? 'Cause all I do is win!! And the more I win, the more I can help other people tap into their abilities to win. The more I win, I can work towards doing more, being more, helping more, living more, seeing more, more, more, more...I dream big and so I live out loud, I color outside the lines and I enjoy myself in the small moments. I determine my worth, I define my value, I set the benchmark for who and how I am. All I do is win--do you?
Hate On Me by Jill Scott
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Something Like a Circle of Sisters
Sister, you've been on my mind,
Sister, we're two of a kind,
So, sister, I'm keepin' my eye on you...
I want to dispel a myth that women can't and don't get along. Ever since I can remember, I have had a wonderful sisterhood with a diverse group of women who have my back, my front and everything in between. I know I have been fortunate to have so many supportive women in my life. You wanna meet them? Start some mess with me and and what feels like a nation of strong women will begin braiding their hair, vaselining their faces and removing their earrings to settle a score with someone/anyone who has done me wrong. Why, you ask? Well, because I am one of their own. And they know it's reciprocal...I will do and have done it for them.
I love all my sisters even when we don't see to eye to eye. Who wants to hang with sheep? I love differences of opinions because that means that we all have pulses. See, I run with a crew of battle ready, intellectually armed, community minded, supersistas. Women who have their stuff to-gethuh (insert cool '70's posturing). And even when they struggle or flounder or stumble...they know enough to reach out to one of their own to be the hand they fan with, the leg they stand on, the shoulder they lean on. Because supersistas recognize that having the whole world in your hands can be hard and sometimes, you need someone who speaks your language to help you out (Insert sister signals).
Yeah, I have a husband, a great one in fact, but let me tell you, baaaaaaaaaby, ain't nothin' like your true blue, bonafide, sister crew. I mean, if you have a good crew because there is nothing like the connection between women who know. Women who are fierce, dynamic, kind, nurturing, informed, engaging, intelligent...women who are women.
Recently my husband, my children and I drove over 800 miles so that I could see a friend I hadn't seen in 15 years. Why? Because I wanted to see her, needed to see her. There wasn't anything wrong with her or our relationship. Although we had remained connected, we hadn't seen each other in a long time. And I wanted to change that. I needed to change that. Why? Because I wanted to see her, needed to see her. And so I did. And we fell right back in step...we joked, we teased, we reminisced, we laughed and we connected like no time had elapsed since our last face to face visit. You know why? Because we are supersistas.
So let me give a public shout out to my supergirl crew who sustains me in every moment of my existence. To the biological ones (sisters and sistercousins) who share my DNA--thank you. To the ones I grew up with who still remain my friends--thank you. To the ones I met in high school--thank you. To the ones I met at work or in college--thank you. To the ones I met through my children, for my children or dealing with some children--thank you. To the ones who listen to my rants, laugh at my jokes, fuel my dreams, encourage my ambitions, extinguish my doubts, analyze my fear, recognize my worth, cherish my love--thank you, thank you, and a million times--THANK YOU! I love you more than words can express and I love you more than you will ever know.
Miss Celie's Blues
Sister, we're two of a kind,
So, sister, I'm keepin' my eye on you...
I want to dispel a myth that women can't and don't get along. Ever since I can remember, I have had a wonderful sisterhood with a diverse group of women who have my back, my front and everything in between. I know I have been fortunate to have so many supportive women in my life. You wanna meet them? Start some mess with me and and what feels like a nation of strong women will begin braiding their hair, vaselining their faces and removing their earrings to settle a score with someone/anyone who has done me wrong. Why, you ask? Well, because I am one of their own. And they know it's reciprocal...I will do and have done it for them.
I love all my sisters even when we don't see to eye to eye. Who wants to hang with sheep? I love differences of opinions because that means that we all have pulses. See, I run with a crew of battle ready, intellectually armed, community minded, supersistas. Women who have their stuff to-gethuh (insert cool '70's posturing). And even when they struggle or flounder or stumble...they know enough to reach out to one of their own to be the hand they fan with, the leg they stand on, the shoulder they lean on. Because supersistas recognize that having the whole world in your hands can be hard and sometimes, you need someone who speaks your language to help you out (Insert sister signals).
Yeah, I have a husband, a great one in fact, but let me tell you, baaaaaaaaaby, ain't nothin' like your true blue, bonafide, sister crew. I mean, if you have a good crew because there is nothing like the connection between women who know. Women who are fierce, dynamic, kind, nurturing, informed, engaging, intelligent...women who are women.
Recently my husband, my children and I drove over 800 miles so that I could see a friend I hadn't seen in 15 years. Why? Because I wanted to see her, needed to see her. There wasn't anything wrong with her or our relationship. Although we had remained connected, we hadn't seen each other in a long time. And I wanted to change that. I needed to change that. Why? Because I wanted to see her, needed to see her. And so I did. And we fell right back in step...we joked, we teased, we reminisced, we laughed and we connected like no time had elapsed since our last face to face visit. You know why? Because we are supersistas.
So let me give a public shout out to my supergirl crew who sustains me in every moment of my existence. To the biological ones (sisters and sistercousins) who share my DNA--thank you. To the ones I grew up with who still remain my friends--thank you. To the ones I met in high school--thank you. To the ones I met at work or in college--thank you. To the ones I met through my children, for my children or dealing with some children--thank you. To the ones who listen to my rants, laugh at my jokes, fuel my dreams, encourage my ambitions, extinguish my doubts, analyze my fear, recognize my worth, cherish my love--thank you, thank you, and a million times--THANK YOU! I love you more than words can express and I love you more than you will ever know.
Miss Celie's Blues
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Throwing Words Like Stones
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."
How many of us have used this phrase and been so certain that we were making a good point? How many of us used this as our personal motto in order to move through the aftermath of someone else's verbal venom? I have. I didn't understand that this statement is sooo incorrect and has no true value in terms of making one feel better. You know why? Because words do hurt. I know that the intention of this oft uttered phrase is to give one strength, a layer of armor. However, it doesn't fully address the hurt that's left after someone says something that's downright disturbing. You know why? Because words do hurt.
Sticks and stones do break bones, but words can break hearts. I know that you can kill someone with a well aimed stick or stone, but guess what? A well aimed verbal assault can kill someone's spirit, destroy his/her soul. You know why? BECAUSE WORDS DO HURT. Words have value, important value in fact. It's the reason why you yell, "FIRE!!!" when your house is in flames, rather than yelling, "YOGURT!!" It's why you say, "I love you" and not, "I bungle you."
Too often, we speak without thinking, and cast words like stones. We fire words like weapons. We condemn, spite, demean, degrade, denigrate and...we destroy. And the sad part is, we don't always recognize it. We say it's who we are, we didn't mean it, I'm sorry, but...You know what, though? Words hurt and we need to be mindful of how we use them.
The next time you feel yourself about to deliver a verbal beat down, give a scathing commentary or make a disparaging remark, take a moment to reflect on your relationship with the person you are speaking to. If it's someone you love, like, care about, may need in the future, may cross professional paths with, etc., take a second to gather yourself before you speak. Because although you may feel like you have to get it off your chest, you may not get the results you intended. Because words hurt and people remember and they may not forgive you when you try to use your words to apologize.
Maya Angelou says, “Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning.” When you have the opportunity to speak your words, use them to empower, to encourage, to enlighten because at the end of the day, words have power. Use yours wisely.
India Arie "Talk to Her"
How many of us have used this phrase and been so certain that we were making a good point? How many of us used this as our personal motto in order to move through the aftermath of someone else's verbal venom? I have. I didn't understand that this statement is sooo incorrect and has no true value in terms of making one feel better. You know why? Because words do hurt. I know that the intention of this oft uttered phrase is to give one strength, a layer of armor. However, it doesn't fully address the hurt that's left after someone says something that's downright disturbing. You know why? Because words do hurt.
Sticks and stones do break bones, but words can break hearts. I know that you can kill someone with a well aimed stick or stone, but guess what? A well aimed verbal assault can kill someone's spirit, destroy his/her soul. You know why? BECAUSE WORDS DO HURT. Words have value, important value in fact. It's the reason why you yell, "FIRE!!!" when your house is in flames, rather than yelling, "YOGURT!!" It's why you say, "I love you" and not, "I bungle you."
Too often, we speak without thinking, and cast words like stones. We fire words like weapons. We condemn, spite, demean, degrade, denigrate and...we destroy. And the sad part is, we don't always recognize it. We say it's who we are, we didn't mean it, I'm sorry, but...You know what, though? Words hurt and we need to be mindful of how we use them.
The next time you feel yourself about to deliver a verbal beat down, give a scathing commentary or make a disparaging remark, take a moment to reflect on your relationship with the person you are speaking to. If it's someone you love, like, care about, may need in the future, may cross professional paths with, etc., take a second to gather yourself before you speak. Because although you may feel like you have to get it off your chest, you may not get the results you intended. Because words hurt and people remember and they may not forgive you when you try to use your words to apologize.
Maya Angelou says, “Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning.” When you have the opportunity to speak your words, use them to empower, to encourage, to enlighten because at the end of the day, words have power. Use yours wisely.
India Arie "Talk to Her"
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Sick and Tired of Being...
How many of us are feeling the weight of the economy? Depressed about education in the United States? The housing crisis? The job market? Student loan debt? Taxes? Racism? Sexism? Violence? or (fill in the blanks)? How many of us are tired of turning on the news and seeing how terrible life is for most people? How bad so many people have it? I am!!
I think I may have reached my limit in my capacity to tolerate one more piece of bad news, sad news, or gonna make me mad news!! (Insert screams, foot stomping, pouty lips and furrowed brows). I got up this morning feeling like...I don't know...I just felt like...Blah! Bah! Gah! Waaaaaaaaaaaah! And then, I remembered...I woke up this morning!! Imagine that, I took another breath, saw another sight, felt another feel...I woke up this morning!!! And you know what? That is a blessing in and of itself. I woke up this morning and in the words of my mother in law: "my bed was not my cooling board and my sheet was not my shroud" (look up Gullah sayings).
Here I was lying in bed, under the weight of everything and I forgot to count my blessings. I know that the world is hard out here for sooooooo many people and this is not the best time in a lot of folks' lives, but I am here. And I know that as long as I have breath in my body, I am able to touch another life, reach another soul, walk another mile and help another person!! As long I have breath in my body, I can inspire another being, cultivate another mind and I can help another person!! As long I have breath in my body, I CAN HELP ANOTHER PERSON!!!! And then I realized that life ain't so bad at'all.
Today I wish that you are able to find the motivation to do better and be better! Today I wish that you are able to tap into your spirit and find whatever it takes in order to propel you forward!! Today I wish you hope. Peace!
R. Kelly "I Believe I Can Fly"
I think I may have reached my limit in my capacity to tolerate one more piece of bad news, sad news, or gonna make me mad news!! (Insert screams, foot stomping, pouty lips and furrowed brows). I got up this morning feeling like...I don't know...I just felt like...Blah! Bah! Gah! Waaaaaaaaaaaah! And then, I remembered...I woke up this morning!! Imagine that, I took another breath, saw another sight, felt another feel...I woke up this morning!!! And you know what? That is a blessing in and of itself. I woke up this morning and in the words of my mother in law: "my bed was not my cooling board and my sheet was not my shroud" (look up Gullah sayings).
Here I was lying in bed, under the weight of everything and I forgot to count my blessings. I know that the world is hard out here for sooooooo many people and this is not the best time in a lot of folks' lives, but I am here. And I know that as long as I have breath in my body, I am able to touch another life, reach another soul, walk another mile and help another person!! As long I have breath in my body, I can inspire another being, cultivate another mind and I can help another person!! As long I have breath in my body, I CAN HELP ANOTHER PERSON!!!! And then I realized that life ain't so bad at'all.
Today I wish that you are able to find the motivation to do better and be better! Today I wish that you are able to tap into your spirit and find whatever it takes in order to propel you forward!! Today I wish you hope. Peace!
R. Kelly "I Believe I Can Fly"
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Living Like We're Bulletproof
Despite the tone of the following words, I promise you that this post is about love. It's about the search for satisfaction and the desire to be better. Ultimately, this post is about hope.
If I turn on the news and hear of another young black male getting shot, stabbed, killed...I don't know what I will do because I can't take it...*insert tears*. I am the mother of sons and I have a husband, brothers, nephews and male cousins, friends and students who all mean the world to me. The world. And that is why it breaks my heart that young, black men feel as if they are born into the world with expiration dates on their foreheads, that they are born to live only until they die. It saddens me beyond measure that these boys feel that 21 is the new "winter" of life. What the heck is going on?
There are so many young black men who struggle with identity (sexual and racial), with image (self and public), with violence (internal and external), with subjugation (cultural, intellectual and financial), with *insert -ism*. It is HARD out here to be young, black and male. Say what you want, but it's the truth.
If I hear another woman say that she is both father and mother to her child, I am gonna holler *a la Marvin Gaye style*. Women, we can't be mother and father to our children, but I get what you mean. You mean that you have had to fulfill all parenting responsibilities alone because the proverbial "baby daddy" or ex-husband has left you and baby high and dry. I know your pain because I have been there.
I see you struggling raising little Jr. to be the man of the family, but he can't be. Let that child be a boy. Let that child be a child who is not bumping his head on the ceiling of his so-called actual possibilities (James Baldwin "Sonny's Blues" reference). Don't poison that child with stories of the man who left; that has no bearing on who he will become. Water him with stories of greatness and possibility. Shame on the males (I can't say men) who leave their sons (and daughters) without the benefit of their influence. (SN: This is not a post about women who deny their children relationships with their fathers; that's a different post).
This post is a post about love because I love Black men and boys, but I am afraid for all of my brothers. I know some great men (I'm married to one) and I know there are some beautiful brothers who are triumphing over the struggle in every moment (I'm surrounded by them). But I am scared because we are living in a world where race is a factor in the high numbers of black male deaths even as we claim to move forward in a so-called Post-Racial America. I know that there are black boys and men who speak truth to power and who excel in every moment. I even wrote about one here. I know about the beauty and strength of black males.
I envision a world where mentors for Black boys are plentiful. I envision a world where fathers are present in their sons' lives whether they live with them or not. I envision a world where manhood is as natural as breathing. I envision a world where Black men aren't hunted, but where they are celebrated for all that they contribute. I envision a world where black boys get past the fourth grade in school and don't give into the fourth grade failure syndrome (check out Jawanza Kunjufu). I envision a world where Black boys remember the Tuskegee Airmen or the baseball players of the Negro Leagues or W.E.B DuBois or Paul Laurence Dunbar or... *insert any positive Black male reference that we learn too little about in schools*.
I want to challenge folks to get involved in the life of a young Black boy. Mentor a young man today and present options to him that may not be apparent. Feed his soul with the taste of success. Stoke his mind with interaction that is intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and mentally satisfying. I envision a world where young Black men return to the kingly positions of their ancestors. What will you do to help?
The Future
If I turn on the news and hear of another young black male getting shot, stabbed, killed...I don't know what I will do because I can't take it...*insert tears*. I am the mother of sons and I have a husband, brothers, nephews and male cousins, friends and students who all mean the world to me. The world. And that is why it breaks my heart that young, black men feel as if they are born into the world with expiration dates on their foreheads, that they are born to live only until they die. It saddens me beyond measure that these boys feel that 21 is the new "winter" of life. What the heck is going on?
There are so many young black men who struggle with identity (sexual and racial), with image (self and public), with violence (internal and external), with subjugation (cultural, intellectual and financial), with *insert -ism*. It is HARD out here to be young, black and male. Say what you want, but it's the truth.
If I hear another woman say that she is both father and mother to her child, I am gonna holler *a la Marvin Gaye style*. Women, we can't be mother and father to our children, but I get what you mean. You mean that you have had to fulfill all parenting responsibilities alone because the proverbial "baby daddy" or ex-husband has left you and baby high and dry. I know your pain because I have been there.
I see you struggling raising little Jr. to be the man of the family, but he can't be. Let that child be a boy. Let that child be a child who is not bumping his head on the ceiling of his so-called actual possibilities (James Baldwin "Sonny's Blues" reference). Don't poison that child with stories of the man who left; that has no bearing on who he will become. Water him with stories of greatness and possibility. Shame on the males (I can't say men) who leave their sons (and daughters) without the benefit of their influence. (SN: This is not a post about women who deny their children relationships with their fathers; that's a different post).
This post is a post about love because I love Black men and boys, but I am afraid for all of my brothers. I know some great men (I'm married to one) and I know there are some beautiful brothers who are triumphing over the struggle in every moment (I'm surrounded by them). But I am scared because we are living in a world where race is a factor in the high numbers of black male deaths even as we claim to move forward in a so-called Post-Racial America. I know that there are black boys and men who speak truth to power and who excel in every moment. I even wrote about one here. I know about the beauty and strength of black males.
I envision a world where mentors for Black boys are plentiful. I envision a world where fathers are present in their sons' lives whether they live with them or not. I envision a world where manhood is as natural as breathing. I envision a world where Black men aren't hunted, but where they are celebrated for all that they contribute. I envision a world where black boys get past the fourth grade in school and don't give into the fourth grade failure syndrome (check out Jawanza Kunjufu). I envision a world where Black boys remember the Tuskegee Airmen or the baseball players of the Negro Leagues or W.E.B DuBois or Paul Laurence Dunbar or... *insert any positive Black male reference that we learn too little about in schools*.
I want to challenge folks to get involved in the life of a young Black boy. Mentor a young man today and present options to him that may not be apparent. Feed his soul with the taste of success. Stoke his mind with interaction that is intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and mentally satisfying. I envision a world where young Black men return to the kingly positions of their ancestors. What will you do to help?
The Future
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
...When You Need a Hand
On the way to work today, the original version of "Lean on Me" came on the radio. I have always had a fondness for this song because I love the idea of having a soft place to land in times of need. As I sang along, I was reminded of how many people are in need--especially at this time of the year.
Throughout our nation, we hear of so many people who are going without the basic necessities: food, clothing, and/or shelter. This isn't a Third World country (not that those citizens deserve to suffer either); this is the United States. The United States is supposed to be first world and first rate. It makes me ache to the very core of my being to know that somewhere there is a child, a man, a woman, a person who has to do without. I don't mean without steak, without Polo or without a mansion. Those things that I mention are trappings of privilege. I'm talking about good nourishment, appropriate clothing and safe housing. The very basic of the very basic necessities it takes to sustain a society; the very basic of what it takes to build a nation...the very basic.
Too many people are using food cupboards, clothing closets and homeless shelters. Too many families cannot provide for the everyday needs of their children in the current economic situations. Even the fabled "Joneses" can't keep up with their past imitable lifestyles. We allegedly live in a land of plenty, but the only plenty is the plenty of folks who can't keep their heads above water.
How many of us, in our daily lives, think about ways that we can enrich the lives of others? How many of us work to better the lives of those who are less fortunate? How many of us are willing to split our daily bread if we are able? If you are able, are you willing to share yours with someone in need? Someone whose "enough" never seems to be?
And let me ask another thing--are you that someone in need? Are you suffering in silence, too afraid to ask for assistance? Too ashamed to seek help? Well, as my grandmother has said over and over, "a closed mouth don't get fed." And that is in the literal and figurative sense. Let me tell you something, I will pile my house floor to ceiling in order to help the people I love if they are in need.
I know that times are tough for everyone and many don't know how they are going to make it to the next week. I get that, but I'm talking to the folks who have extra and won't share; who have extra and won't give. When you go grocery shopping, buy a couple of extra canned goods to donate to a food cupboard. If you catch some linens on sale, buy them and donate them to a homeless shelter. If you get a chance, go lobby for suitable low income housing. Do something. Because you know what? There will be a time when you need something from someone because as Bill Withers sings, "We ALL need somebody to lean on." So if you are able, stand up with your back braced against the need and be that person for someone to lean on.
Peace.
"Lean on Me" by Kirk Franklin
Throughout our nation, we hear of so many people who are going without the basic necessities: food, clothing, and/or shelter. This isn't a Third World country (not that those citizens deserve to suffer either); this is the United States. The United States is supposed to be first world and first rate. It makes me ache to the very core of my being to know that somewhere there is a child, a man, a woman, a person who has to do without. I don't mean without steak, without Polo or without a mansion. Those things that I mention are trappings of privilege. I'm talking about good nourishment, appropriate clothing and safe housing. The very basic of the very basic necessities it takes to sustain a society; the very basic of what it takes to build a nation...the very basic.
Too many people are using food cupboards, clothing closets and homeless shelters. Too many families cannot provide for the everyday needs of their children in the current economic situations. Even the fabled "Joneses" can't keep up with their past imitable lifestyles. We allegedly live in a land of plenty, but the only plenty is the plenty of folks who can't keep their heads above water.
How many of us, in our daily lives, think about ways that we can enrich the lives of others? How many of us work to better the lives of those who are less fortunate? How many of us are willing to split our daily bread if we are able? If you are able, are you willing to share yours with someone in need? Someone whose "enough" never seems to be?
And let me ask another thing--are you that someone in need? Are you suffering in silence, too afraid to ask for assistance? Too ashamed to seek help? Well, as my grandmother has said over and over, "a closed mouth don't get fed." And that is in the literal and figurative sense. Let me tell you something, I will pile my house floor to ceiling in order to help the people I love if they are in need.
I know that times are tough for everyone and many don't know how they are going to make it to the next week. I get that, but I'm talking to the folks who have extra and won't share; who have extra and won't give. When you go grocery shopping, buy a couple of extra canned goods to donate to a food cupboard. If you catch some linens on sale, buy them and donate them to a homeless shelter. If you get a chance, go lobby for suitable low income housing. Do something. Because you know what? There will be a time when you need something from someone because as Bill Withers sings, "We ALL need somebody to lean on." So if you are able, stand up with your back braced against the need and be that person for someone to lean on.
Peace.
"Lean on Me" by Kirk Franklin
Friday, September 10, 2010
In Search of Satisfaction--Choosing You
Because you never know where life is gonna take you
and you can't change where you've been
But today, I have the opportunity to choose... India Arie in "I Choose"
For many of us, there may be a voice in our heads that keeps us from doing what we NEED to do for our own happiness. I don't mean your conscience that serves to keep you from making poor decisions, I mean that lingering, nagging self-doubt that manifests itself into dissatisfaction. Somewhere at the core of you is someone who wants to dream bigger, soar higher, shine brighter but...you can't. Because of something you did a long time ago or yesterday and someone or some folks said that you can't or you shouldn't so you don't. And then you are paralyzed in the graveyard of dreams with a poor outlook for yourself.
But I implore you to claim your right to satisfaction. Satisfaction doesn't equal wealth or more friends or... Satisfaction does not equal easy living, but at the end of the day you can be satisfied because you know that you did what you NEEDED to survive and even, thrive.
Listen, I made some poor decisions when I was younger and I made some mistakes that I felt that I could never come back from. I wanted to give up and just fade away. But something inside of me challenged me to do what I NEEDED to do and to follow the path that I wanted. I was in search of satisfaction and although I didn't know it then, I would go down an irreversible path of reclaiming my life. I would forge my own path shaped by my own understanding of who I wanted to become. I know now that the saying to thine ownself be true is a necessary component to who becoming yourself, to choosing yourself.
Never let anyone make you feel bad because you are in search of personal satisfaction through self-definition. Don't give your power away. The following song by India Arie was my manifesta last year; I even used it as my ring tone. I wanted everyone to know that when they came in contact with me, they were dealing with a fully developed and aware being. I know who and how I am and I make no apologies for that. I want the best for myself and am purposeful in my actions when I am working on myself. I choose me. Do you choose you?
India Arie "I Choose"
and you can't change where you've been
But today, I have the opportunity to choose... India Arie in "I Choose"
For many of us, there may be a voice in our heads that keeps us from doing what we NEED to do for our own happiness. I don't mean your conscience that serves to keep you from making poor decisions, I mean that lingering, nagging self-doubt that manifests itself into dissatisfaction. Somewhere at the core of you is someone who wants to dream bigger, soar higher, shine brighter but...you can't. Because of something you did a long time ago or yesterday and someone or some folks said that you can't or you shouldn't so you don't. And then you are paralyzed in the graveyard of dreams with a poor outlook for yourself.
But I implore you to claim your right to satisfaction. Satisfaction doesn't equal wealth or more friends or... Satisfaction does not equal easy living, but at the end of the day you can be satisfied because you know that you did what you NEEDED to survive and even, thrive.
Listen, I made some poor decisions when I was younger and I made some mistakes that I felt that I could never come back from. I wanted to give up and just fade away. But something inside of me challenged me to do what I NEEDED to do and to follow the path that I wanted. I was in search of satisfaction and although I didn't know it then, I would go down an irreversible path of reclaiming my life. I would forge my own path shaped by my own understanding of who I wanted to become. I know now that the saying to thine ownself be true is a necessary component to who becoming yourself, to choosing yourself.
Never let anyone make you feel bad because you are in search of personal satisfaction through self-definition. Don't give your power away. The following song by India Arie was my manifesta last year; I even used it as my ring tone. I wanted everyone to know that when they came in contact with me, they were dealing with a fully developed and aware being. I know who and how I am and I make no apologies for that. I want the best for myself and am purposeful in my actions when I am working on myself. I choose me. Do you choose you?
India Arie "I Choose"
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Every Little Step You Take...
For so long, I have been struggling with losing weight. I make plans to work out or to eat better and as soon as something happens, my plans get put on the back burner. But guess what? I've found a way to lose some weight quickly: forgiveness. What? You thought this was a post about weight loss, didn't you? Theoretically it is...old grudges and past gripes were adding unnecessary stress to my already over stressed life. Old grudges and past gripes were adding pounds to the proverbial albatross around my neck, monkey on my back and pain in my ____. For all my talk about positive living, I had been holding on to some past hurts that people had done, things that wounded me to my core. But guess what? Me holding on to anger and ill will wasn't hurting them...IT WAS HURTING ME!! The person I loved beyond all things (myself) was the one who carried the burden of others' transgressions.
I had been done wrong by a few people (some who had apologized, mind you), but I couldn't move past their actions: "hmmph, I'm going to forgive you, but I'm not gonna forget." However, I didn't truly forgive them. I held on to my hurt feelings, bruised ego, foolish pride (whatever you want to call it) and waited for them to try something again. Because you know I was ready, hand on hip, neck roll waiting..."fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." But see, I didn't understand that if you anger me, you can control me. Simple as that. If you anger me, you CONTROL me. I don't like the idea of someone's actions dictating my own. It's as if I'm being pulled by strings and you are the puppeteer. I don't like that at all.
Anytime I would get angry, I would add someone to the LIST. I would silently check off his/her latest wrong and file it later for instant recall. I know better than that, but I'm a fool when I get mad. In fact, the Tazmanian devil could take pointers on destruction from me. That's why I work so hard on myself because I don't want to take it here. Seriously.
Although I knew that I needed to free myself from the hurtful effects of holding on to anger, I still had to deal with handling folks who had done me wrong. I have truly come to understand that because I forgive you doesn't mean I have to deal with you. I can forgive you and keep it moving. Forgiveness and closeness are not one and the same. I don't have to let you into my personal space because I have forgiven your actions. Forgiveness simply means that I am not going to let you or your mess live rent free in my head. Forgiveness can mean that you give someone a second chance to prove him/herself. That's your personal choice. And it is YOUR choice. You can forgive someone you may never see again. Child's father left you and the baby...forgive him. Mother abandoned you as a child...forgive her. People mistreating you at work...forgive them. That's just my story. Forgiving them makes me a better person. I may never have a chance to sit down with all of the folks who do/ have done me wrong, but I release them. True forgiveness rids your soul, spirit, heart, mind and body of the toxic residue of someone's misdeeds. And you know what? Sometimes you have to forgive yourself from bad decisions you've made. Forgiveness is a universal action and you can employ it externally and internally.
Try this: compile a list of people you feel have done you wrong. Next to their names, write down how you think they've done you wrong. Marinate on the list. Read it over again. Then put it down. Stand up and take a deep breath. Exhale. And repeat these words:
Today I am freeing myself from the burden of your indiscretions, your misdeeds and/or your faulty actions. Today I am reclaiming my heart, my mind, my spirit, my soul, my body and myself. Today I am stepping into the greatness that has been claimed for my life. Today I am healing myself from yesterday's pain so that I can live tomorrow's promise. I release all fear, anger, hurt, sadness, disrespect and hate into a black hole in the universe and I ask that in its place confidence, intelligence, joy, knowledge, respect, patience and love be restored. Forgiveness is mine to give and so it is granted
Take another deep breath and repeat as necessary. When it sinks in, TEAR THE LIST UP!!! Take another deep breath and exhale again. Soon you will believe your words and you will be better for it. Peace.
"Get It Together" by India Arie
I had been done wrong by a few people (some who had apologized, mind you), but I couldn't move past their actions: "hmmph, I'm going to forgive you, but I'm not gonna forget." However, I didn't truly forgive them. I held on to my hurt feelings, bruised ego, foolish pride (whatever you want to call it) and waited for them to try something again. Because you know I was ready, hand on hip, neck roll waiting..."fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." But see, I didn't understand that if you anger me, you can control me. Simple as that. If you anger me, you CONTROL me. I don't like the idea of someone's actions dictating my own. It's as if I'm being pulled by strings and you are the puppeteer. I don't like that at all.
Anytime I would get angry, I would add someone to the LIST. I would silently check off his/her latest wrong and file it later for instant recall. I know better than that, but I'm a fool when I get mad. In fact, the Tazmanian devil could take pointers on destruction from me. That's why I work so hard on myself because I don't want to take it here. Seriously.
Although I knew that I needed to free myself from the hurtful effects of holding on to anger, I still had to deal with handling folks who had done me wrong. I have truly come to understand that because I forgive you doesn't mean I have to deal with you. I can forgive you and keep it moving. Forgiveness and closeness are not one and the same. I don't have to let you into my personal space because I have forgiven your actions. Forgiveness simply means that I am not going to let you or your mess live rent free in my head. Forgiveness can mean that you give someone a second chance to prove him/herself. That's your personal choice. And it is YOUR choice. You can forgive someone you may never see again. Child's father left you and the baby...forgive him. Mother abandoned you as a child...forgive her. People mistreating you at work...forgive them. That's just my story. Forgiving them makes me a better person. I may never have a chance to sit down with all of the folks who do/ have done me wrong, but I release them. True forgiveness rids your soul, spirit, heart, mind and body of the toxic residue of someone's misdeeds. And you know what? Sometimes you have to forgive yourself from bad decisions you've made. Forgiveness is a universal action and you can employ it externally and internally.
Try this: compile a list of people you feel have done you wrong. Next to their names, write down how you think they've done you wrong. Marinate on the list. Read it over again. Then put it down. Stand up and take a deep breath. Exhale. And repeat these words:
Today I am freeing myself from the burden of your indiscretions, your misdeeds and/or your faulty actions. Today I am reclaiming my heart, my mind, my spirit, my soul, my body and myself. Today I am stepping into the greatness that has been claimed for my life. Today I am healing myself from yesterday's pain so that I can live tomorrow's promise. I release all fear, anger, hurt, sadness, disrespect and hate into a black hole in the universe and I ask that in its place confidence, intelligence, joy, knowledge, respect, patience and love be restored. Forgiveness is mine to give and so it is granted
Take another deep breath and repeat as necessary. When it sinks in, TEAR THE LIST UP!!! Take another deep breath and exhale again. Soon you will believe your words and you will be better for it. Peace.
"Get It Together" by India Arie
Monday, August 16, 2010
Living Your Life...
Too many of us toil away at our daily chores without stopping to enjoy the little things. We work to pay bills and to buy more things, but how many of us really enjoy the lives we've created for ourselves? If you could get a redo, what would you change about your choices? Would you do anything differently? Would you change the things you value and the people you've given your heart to? Although you can't go back in time to correct any of the missteps you might have taken, trust that each new day offers a chance for a do over.
Have you always wanted to go back to school, but were too afraid? Wanted to change careers, but your loved ones told you that you were crazy? Have you ever wanted to step outside of how people know you to be, but worried what they would think? Now is the time to reclaim your right to be satisfied and ignore the naysayers.
Each morning, you can reevaluate the path that your life can take. If there is something inside of you that yearns for another experience, what are you doing to speak to that longing? I don't mean making foolish decisions without regard to their implications; I'm speaking to diligent planning and purposeful action. This can lead you to the life you want; not just the one you have.
As you move forward in your life and look to the next chapters, I wish that you can unlock the secret that will lead you to your golden existence. Living your life like it's golden doesn't mean living a life that is perfect. It means simply carving out a life that is perfect FOR YOU. Of course you're going to have to make compromises and sacrifices, but what you compromise or sacrifice should be on your terms. You deserve happiness, joy and a golden existence...Peace.
Jill Scott "Golden"
Have you always wanted to go back to school, but were too afraid? Wanted to change careers, but your loved ones told you that you were crazy? Have you ever wanted to step outside of how people know you to be, but worried what they would think? Now is the time to reclaim your right to be satisfied and ignore the naysayers.
Each morning, you can reevaluate the path that your life can take. If there is something inside of you that yearns for another experience, what are you doing to speak to that longing? I don't mean making foolish decisions without regard to their implications; I'm speaking to diligent planning and purposeful action. This can lead you to the life you want; not just the one you have.
As you move forward in your life and look to the next chapters, I wish that you can unlock the secret that will lead you to your golden existence. Living your life like it's golden doesn't mean living a life that is perfect. It means simply carving out a life that is perfect FOR YOU. Of course you're going to have to make compromises and sacrifices, but what you compromise or sacrifice should be on your terms. You deserve happiness, joy and a golden existence...Peace.
Jill Scott "Golden"
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