Go Hard or ...

Today I woke up and realized that I have hustle in my heart. I mean that to say that I want more and so I do more. I'm not concerned with what other folks have going on; I know what I have in store for moi (that's "me" for the non-French speakers). Seriously. I work from sun up to sun down in order to make my dreams come true. Do you? Do you have the "go hard or go home" motto etched into the part of your brain that organizes your goals? Do you plan, plan, plan with every breath you take? Do you? Do you live and breathe for your next move? Do you? Because if you don't, well then it won't get done.

I don't know about y'all, but I know that I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I don't have a trust fund or tons of discretionary income to play around with, so I have to work hard for my money. If I don't work, I don't eat. I mean that. Yes, I have a husband and he's a great provider, but I have to contribute in my way. That's what's important to me. Even when I was a stay at home mom/wife, I worked hard. I went to school, I planned my next steps...I went hard! I founded a writing company, I wrote articles, I researched grad schools, and actually completed one graduate degree (the next is coming). I didn't just sit around and let my brain turn to mush; I worked.it.out.

Too often, we become complacent and just accept what we're given as our lot in life. We take scraps and leftovers (I'm not talking about food, here) and make do with what we've been allotted. But what I'm telling you is that you can propel yourself to greatness with whatever you have been given. You have the final say in what is for you and what isn't...period. I have a friend who is the hardest working person I know. And she doesn't just work...she excels. In fact, I have several friends like that. And you know what? We push each other further; we encourage each other to do more, to be more. And you know why: well because birds of a feather flock together (but for the record, we're eagles, not chickens). And we move in sync toward our individual paths of greatness, but we're connected to each other by our perseverance.

Listen, I'm not saying that you should live your life chasing and searching. What I am saying is that you should work hard to achieve your goals. You have to work hard to achieve your goals. Very few people have become successful by sitting on their sofas, scratching their bellies. You have to get out there and do the w.o.r.k. There aren't many freebies in life and you have to shed a little blood, a lot of sweat and even more tears. For real. Plan your work and then work the heck out of your plan. No excuses. However, you have to remember to play hard as well. Don't ignore your loved ones and laughter in pursuit of greatness. I can tell you that nothing in the world is worth losing connections to the ones you love.

Remember that you only have one life to live and this is not a dress rehearsal: it's the real deal. You have to go out and apply yourself to everything that you do. Your name should mean something to you. "You" are a brand. When people hear your name, they should know that it means quality. They should know that you handle your business in every way, every day. Period. If you say you want it, you should be willing to work for it. No excuses. Remember: go hard or go home. You can't expect for someone else to do your work for you (well, you can expect it, but it probably won't happen). You better make sure that every "i" is dotted and that every "t" is crossed. I don't care how big you get, you better handle your business. Never, ever let the business handle you. For real. You are in control. You have to believe it.

In the end, this isn't about money. It's about passion and satisfaction. Find something you are passionate about and make a plan that revolves around that. If you are passionate about what you are doing, then you will have greater satisfaction in the scope of your life. You will understand that you are made for greatness and expecting anything less than that is ludicrous. I don't care what people say about you. Let them talk. Let them eat cake. Let them sit and watch you become all you are destined to be. Take some time in the near future to outline your goals, divide them into monthly, semi-annual, annual and five-year. Then write down the work that you think it will take in order to make your dreams come true. Remember that your goals will need to be re-evaluated at times and you may not always complete them in the ways that you imagine. But remember this: a try beats a fail every time. So get out there and give this the best that you've got. Peace.

"Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor

It's Not Smoke and Mirrors...

Too often we allow people into our space without doing proper background checks. I don't mean running credit reports, DMV profiles or criminal record checks. I'm talking about looking at the relationships that they have with other folks before you allow them into your inner circle. If you meet someone that a lot of people fall out with...um, well, that's a glaring red flag. You might want to keep on steppin'. But the best of us feel as if we will be the ones who can change that person for the better. Unfortunately, it's probably not gonna happen.

A recent FB status update read: When people show you who they are, believe them. We make too many excuses for folks' bad behavior, often at the expense of our peace of mind. If someone is treating you poorly, remove him/her from your life--period. Life is too short to surround yourself with toxic people. SN: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Actions speak louder than words. Many of my friends liked the status and commented with their own tales of folks behaving badly. It's a shame that so many people will put up with the bad behavior of others. I'm not talking about at work or school, because sometimes you can't avoid dealing with donkeys. But in your personal life? Noooo way!! There is no reason to allow that toxic energy in your personal space.

Listen, people are drawn to me. It's true. Ever since I was a little girl, I've always had tons of friends. And I've had most of my friends for a very long time (10+ years), so I definitely know how to maintain good relationships. But (and it's a big but), I haven't been as careful recently with some of the folks that I have allowed into my inner circle (shame on me). I went through some major upheaval with some of my new "friends" and it left me wounded. For real, for real. I was speaking about it with my husband and trying to figure out what the universe and God were trying to tell me. I kept blaming myself and my husband broke it down to me. He said, "Yeah it is you. But not how you think it is. It's not saying that you are a bad person. Not. At. All. The message you should get is that you can't always allow everyone a front row seat to your heart." WHAT?!!! Hold up? That made a lot of sense. Because that's who I am. I am a constant "fixer." My friend, BGA, tells me that I "speak life into people" and that I'm "a natural healer." And it's true.

I hate for anyone to be left out. I don't like for people to have hurt feelings. I do all I can to make folks feel good about themselves and their lives. I really do. And I want everyone to be their best selves. I want to stand in the gaps and heal the world. But you know what? I'm learning that everyone is not my kind. Sad, but true. I've talked about this before, but it bears repeating: hurt people do not have to hurt people. They can channel their pain into positive energy and recycle it for the benefit of others. But most folks don't do that or maybe they can't. They get stuck in operating off of ego and resorting to those same faulty behaviors that have failed them in the past. But you know what I've learned throughout this difficult year? It's not my problem or my fault. I don't have to drain myself to build anyone else up. That is a relationship that is one sided and unhealthy. I'm too old (and wise, I hope) for that.

So this is an open letter to the folks who have done me wrong recently:

Dear You (you know who you are),

I gave myself to you in friendship with open arms, with no expectations except for reciprocity. I was honest in all of our dealings. I always considered your best interest, but I can't compromise who I am in order to suit your purposes. I refuse to be in a relationship that demands that I play myself small. You want full governance to be who you are and I am supposed to understand that that is part of your personality. But what about me? What about the ways that I showed you kindness, generosity, consistency and love? What about how I had your back and feathered your wings with kind words and purposeful actions? I guess it didn't matter after all. I ignored the folks who told me stories of their dealings with you. I ignored the ones who tried to warn me about your donkey antics. I thought that if I dealt with you a certain way then you would reciprocate.

But I was wrong. You got mad at some perceived slight and then you shut me out. You ignored me and thought that somehow that would break me...Have you read my resume? Did you know that I have overcome more than you could ever throw at me? Did you know that I might bend, but I don't break? Did you remember that I am protected by legions who love me? Did you know that your absence would only cause temporary pain because I was built to overcome adversity? You haven't taken anything from me that I didn't give to you willingly. But now that I understand who you are, you don't ever have to worry about me again. I can't deal with the flip flop emotions and the unnecessary drama. You are showing me that, in the larger scope of things, our connection didn't matter at all. And so I release you from my expectations of reciprocity. I free you from the bonds of our friendship. I wish you no ill will and hope that you continue to move and grow towards full personhood.

With no malice,
Me

And that, my faithful readers, is how you save yourself. The Soulstainable Living movement does not require that you accept poor treatment from anyone. You can give love freely, but protect yourself. I had been walking around for awhile with this pain in my heart because I was still trying to figure out how I could make this thing right. That's not always the lesson. Things don't always come 360. Some things are meant to help you grow, even if there is pain involved. Remember that everyone you start your journey with will not be at the finish line. That doesn't diminish your value as a person. You just make sure that you hold yourself to a higher standard that allows you to heal, not hurt. And if people show you who they are: BELIEVE THEM!! I wish you love and enlightenment. Peace.

"I Choose" by India Arie

All I Do Is Win...

Recently, I was talking to someone who mentioned that people often said she acted as if she were "better" than them. Uh-oh. I'm sure some of you have heard that phrase before from someone who thought you were "bourgie", "siddity", "stuck up" or some other such descriptor that alluded to your perceived worth. I can't tell you the numbers of times I have heard someone (or me) being accused of acting like he/she was better than the speaker of the words: "you think you're better than me because you have (insert some arbitrary measure they have used to determine your worth)." Pause tape. What do you do when someone accuses you of putting on airs or acting "better?"

I used to cringe every time someone accused me of "talking white" or thinking I was better than he/she was. Now I know better. Puh-lease. I do think I'm better than that. If that is sitting on my butt, not doing anything, speaking broken English, not reading books, not getting an education, not volunteering, not taking care of my family, not being happy in my marriage. D*mn straight!! Notice I didn't say I thought I was better than them; I said I was better than that. Let me tell you something--the world does not begin or end with your success or your failure. Yup, I said it. I repeat: the world does not begin or end with your success or your failure. What you choose to do with yourself may only impact those in your circle. A lucky few of us will be able to impact people in greater numbers. That being said, Do YOU!!

Who cares what the next person says about who and how you are? Heck yeah, you should think you are better; you might even think you fancy, huh? Good stuff!! You should!! In every moment, you should strive to do your best, be your best and live your best life! You don't owe folks any explanations about wanting more for you and yours. You don't owe folks any reasons for wanting to do more and be more. You should set the bar high for your personal success and do what it takes to achieve your goals.

Let me tell you about me and I say this with no arrogance or snootiness: all I do is win!! Yup, I said it. Chest out, full bravado intact: all I do is win. I make no small work of winning because I work hard for all I have and do. Wait--I'm not talking about material possessions; I am talking about how I live my life. There are very few things that I have wanted to do and I haven't. You know why? 'Cause all I do is win!! And the more I win, the more I can help other people tap into their abilities to win. The more I win, I can work towards doing more, being more, helping more, living more, seeing more, more, more, more...I dream big and so I live out loud, I color outside the lines and I enjoy myself in the small moments. I determine my worth, I define my value, I set the benchmark for who and how I am. All I do is win--do you?

Hate On Me by Jill Scott