So, I know you are reading
this post and you think I have lost my mind. Walking whales??? Um… please tell me you are not serious…You are
straight trippin’ sis… I know. I can hear y’all now, but bear with me. Pull
up a seat and listen. I promise it will all come together…
************
In life, we sometimes get
caught up in wanting people to submit to our will. We see something in them
that we deem needs fixing and we expect them to do what we want, when we want
it. We expect them to bend to our request no matter what they have going on in
their own lives. We hold our expectations over their heads and get upset when
they don’t get with the program, so to speak. We may nag, cajole, gloat, and/or
condemn all in the name of “so-called” betterment. We lull ourselves into a
false sense of “know it all/fix it all” – ness and truly believe we know what’s
best for others.
Or we are in a relationship
with someone who is “difficult.” This relationship can be platonic or romantic;
professional or familial…it doesn’t even matter. But what does matter is that
we are emotionally invested in how this other person may behave. Their actions
directly impact ours and we are not comfortable with the way that he or she
“is.” We get ourselves worked up every time this person does thing A or thing B;
we get beside ourselves with every unpleasant emotion one could muster up. We
contort ourselves into emotional knots trying to get them to “get it together.”
But the funny thing is, this person’s actions are controlling us (intentionally
or unintentionally). We are all out of control trying to be in control. They
are busy being them, but we want them to be who we want them to be.
That my dear, is trying to
make a whale walk. When we involve ourselves in negative self-talk that tells
us that we have the right to control someone else’s actions, we want something
that goes against everything that we have been shown. People will show you how
they are. Time and time again. But even the best of us wants something different
than we are shown, particularly if we believe we deserve better. That the
person should be better. That they should just listen to us. That, that, that… It doesn’t matter what YOU want.
Trust and believe. People are going to people (yes, people is a verb… go with
it). Your role in this isn’t to change someone else’s behaviors, but to change
your expectations.
When you want the whale to
walk, you are expecting something that goes against nature. You want something
that is virtually impossible to happen simply because you want it. When you
want the whale to walk, you suggest that your desire overrides the natural
order of a thing’s existence. You can yell, you can scream, you can beg, you
can cry… but guess what? The only walking whales are make-believe.
In order to free yourself
from a murky entanglement, you must accept that certain people are going to do
what they always do. Certain people are going to do what that have always done.
Sure, people change and that is great. But I’m not talking about those people.
I’m talking about the ones who are on a path that is truly their own. Good,
bad, or indifferent. It doesn’t matter. People have the right to people.
At the end of the day, the
path that you are on is one that is based on your actions. You must make a
conscious decision to live your best life. To be aware of people and their
actions, but not give up your control. You own you. You control you. Once you
give up your power, all is lost. So my advice to you is to accept things how
they are. Understand what they may be. But never ever convince yourself that
your desires are more important to other people than their own reality. Peace.
