Funky, Chunky and the Rest of Those Non-Show Stopping Monkeys

* Please note that the monkeys that I am talking about are not intended to infer the racially insensitive monkey/ape references used to diminish the character of Black folks. I'm speaking to the old African proverb that directly addresses metaphorical monkeys. #sonowyouknow

Today I posted a Facebook (FB) status that included the following side note (SN): one monkey don't stop no show. This colloquial manifesto has aided many folks throughout the times to let other folks know that their actions won't deter progress. In Broadway-esque terms: the show must go on. After posting this "stat" (learn FB lingo), I was surprised at how quickly my friends "liked" my message. I got many cyber daps, fist pumps, and hallelujah hand waves (that's from the Chu'uch) in agreement. This seemingly last minute addition to my morning greeting empowered folks with its simplicity and its profundity. I know how relevant it was in my own experience, but I guess it surprised me that folks had been dealing with the same sort of inflated egos that I had been dealing with.

I am often amazed by how many adults exhibit child-like behaviors when things don't go their way. They have the equivalent of a temper tantrum by shutting you out and trying to shut you up. These are the same adults who will let you know how grown they are, but really they are too tall toddlers. Seriously...Where dey do dat at? (Translation: why do you find that behavior acceptable?) Instead of sitting down like rational beings and trying to come to a compromise, they play the victim role and try to impede your actions (Passive Aggression 101). That's not kosher. In my understanding, adults disagree. That's expected. But it's not the disagreement that's problematic; it's the way it's handled. For example: I love my husband, but we don't always have the same viewpoints on stuff and so we disagree (surprise!). But (and this is important), he's not cussing me out and I'm not cussing him out. Neither one of us is calling each other names or talking about the other's mother. You know why? Because we respect each other. However, we do disagree and then we discuss. And you know what? Most times we even come to a compromise that allows us both to protect our self-hood and be whole people. That's grown up.

Now, them showstopping monkeys? Well, they don't want to do that. Some of them cuss, scream, shout, etc. Monkeys acting like donkeys...this leaves me shaking my head. I can't stand dramatic donkey (er, um...monkey) antics. But not all monkeys act up out loud. Some of them just quit. Or try to get you to quit. Or walk away. Some of them try to interrupt your flow (and maybe even your money), by trying to pull rank and closing down shop. *Insert side-eye.* Once again, where dey do dat at? What would make someone (or several somebodies) think that they had that much power over your life or your actions? Get over yourself. Fareal fareal. And why would you even want to try to control someone with "bully-baby" strategies? It's ridiculous to the point that it's laughable. But you know what? It's actually pretty sad. You know why? Because everybody has his/her own something. We each have stuff that we are dealing with. That's the truth of the world. Now another truth is that no one wants to deal with showstopping monkeys because you can't trust their actions or reactions. I know I don't. I don't like quitters, but I can't stand emotional bullies. I don't want anyone to think that they can force my hand by trying to press my buttons. #it'snotthateasy.

See, I believe in living an untethered life. This means that I don't want to owe anybody anything. But (and this is a big but), I understand that people need people. And so I treat people the way that I want to be treated. Considering this, I learn to compromise. I learn to work in spaces that allow other people to grow and prosper. It isn't my mission to diminish or control. That's not how I live my life. I want all beings to have the right to full governance of self. Seriously. Who wants to hang with a bunch of sheep who can't make up their own minds? I don't. I love rolling with a crew of folks with sharpened minds who move in their own spaces. I love hanging with confident people who trust me enough to know that I love them even in disagreement. My loyalty isn't fickle and neither am I. Remember that you should never allow anyone's actions to dictate the framework of your existence. You are powerful in your independent thoughts and actions. You should always have a fall back plan if things fall apart. Never construct your dreams based on anyone else's definitions. And remember: one monkey don't stop no show. Peace.

Lauryn Hill "Forgive Them Father"