Are YOU ready for love? Have you taken inventory of all of the qualifications that you want in a mate? Done a checklist about all of the things it will take to win your heart? Have you written it down? Prayed over it? Memorized it? Good, now that's the easy part. Yup, as hard as it may have been to streamline your list, you are not even half way there yet. Why? Well, because the law of attraction states that YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU PROJECT. So considering that, it doesn't matter what you say you want if you are not prepared to attract what you want. That is not an external process; it's an internal one.
You have to do the excavation work to get to your core to find out who you are and what you deserve. You have to tear off all of your layers and be your most organic, authentic self. Are you prideful? Work on it! Are you selfish? Deal with it! Are you mean? Get it together! You can't say you want someone who is funny if you won't laugh out loud; you can't say you want someone who selfless and you won't share anything you have. It doesn't work like that because the law of attraction says that you draw to you who you are.
Someone is reading this post and saying, "Not me! I have __________ and ___________. And everyone who knows me says that I am the __________________ person they know. And I keep meeting people who are not worthy of my time." I'm sure that there is some truth to that, but consider this: if a person is not worth your time, why are you letting him/her take up your valuable time? Seriously, if someone is not up to your standards, why would you waste both of your time? If you go to a store looking for an item of clothing, would you purchase something that didn't fit (well, some people might, but that's a different post for a different day)? If you went to a restaurant, would you be satisfied if they put your meal on a garbage can lid (Cosby Show reference) and served it to you? Probably not, so why would you allow someone to occupy your heart, mind, body and/or soul who doesn't fit? Then when it doesn't work out or end in your favor you get upset, when you should have seen it coming all along. See, this harkens back to self-awareness and self-appreciation: you won't allow anyone who can't add to you, subtract from you. I'm not talking about at work or at school or anywhere where you have to interact with less than desirable folks. I'm talking about your own personal and valuable space, where only you get to hand out the VIP cards and NO ONE can tell you who to allow at your heart's table.
Are you ready for love? Have you done the work on yourself to attract someone who is suitable and deserving of your time? Have you made a commitment to deal only with folks who serve to better you and would have you do the same (See my last post on being loved...the right way)? Moving forward, be more selective about the people you let into your space. After clearing away the clutter or debris in your heart, mind, body and/or soul, you will find true love--even if it's only with yourself!
India Arie "I Am Ready For Love"
Friday, July 30, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
I Want You...The Right Way
"I want you...the right way...", so sings Marvin Gaye in his pleading love song "I Want You." These are very important words: "the right way", because they signify something that is not just a fleshly desire, but an understanding of good old fashioned love. "I want you...the right way"--not just any old kind of way, but a special kind of way. His want has standards and is not your garden variety want. He is saying that he is looking for reciprocity in his love and wants to receive as good as he is willing to give. (Lyrics here)
When was the last time you professed your love to someone? Seriously. And not just in a subliminal "sorta kinda" way. Remember in elementary school when we put our feelings out there? When we secretly passed notes with "Do you like me? Circle one: Yes or No." The more patient of us might have added a "maybe", just in case our intended was undecided. However, as we get older, we don't necessarily want to be upfront with our want. I want you. Seemingly simple, but within that short phrase is an air of vulnerability. Are you willing to take the risk? Maybe some of us have experienced an unrequited love that has left us questioning our suitability for a relationship. And that fear may get in the way of us being able to reveal our hearts to another.
How many of you have standards about what you will and will not accept in your romantic relationships? Or do you just take what you can get? Putting your feelings out there can be risky, but, oh the benefits of a good response to your desire. This is not just for single folks either, because the committed couples and married folks have to make sure that they are not taking each other for granted. Expressing your desire or want can be a wonderful way to jump start a relationship. The right way.
Marvin Gaye "I Want You" (The classic)
Erykah Badu "I Want You" (another take on expressing desire...)
When was the last time you professed your love to someone? Seriously. And not just in a subliminal "sorta kinda" way. Remember in elementary school when we put our feelings out there? When we secretly passed notes with "Do you like me? Circle one: Yes or No." The more patient of us might have added a "maybe", just in case our intended was undecided. However, as we get older, we don't necessarily want to be upfront with our want. I want you. Seemingly simple, but within that short phrase is an air of vulnerability. Are you willing to take the risk? Maybe some of us have experienced an unrequited love that has left us questioning our suitability for a relationship. And that fear may get in the way of us being able to reveal our hearts to another.
How many of you have standards about what you will and will not accept in your romantic relationships? Or do you just take what you can get? Putting your feelings out there can be risky, but, oh the benefits of a good response to your desire. This is not just for single folks either, because the committed couples and married folks have to make sure that they are not taking each other for granted. Expressing your desire or want can be a wonderful way to jump start a relationship. The right way.
Marvin Gaye "I Want You" (The classic)
Erykah Badu "I Want You" (another take on expressing desire...)
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Understanding Fear: The Root and the Resolution
A friend and I recently had a conversation about overcoming fear. He wanted to do something new, but was afraid to take the essential first steps. As I tried to encourage him by speaking power into his dream, he said, "Thanks, sis. That sounds good, but I gotta make myself believe it." And then a light bulb went on...
Often when we talk about fear, we try to address the fear, to make sure that we identify what is at the root of what is holding us back. But, thanks to my friend, I know that fear, like faith, is rooted in belief...let me repeat that: FEAR, LIKE FAITH, IS ROOTED IN BELIEF. What that means simply is that we deal with fear like it is its own entity. We ask questions (valid ones, no doubt) about the who, the why, the how, the where and the what about fear. However, what we might overlook is that fear (as it relates to progress) is you believing that something isn't possible.
You want to be successful, but you are afraid to do the necessary things to make this a reality. Why? Because you believe that you don't deserve to be successful...WHAT? (I hear you yelling!!). It might seem crazy, but it is true. You have to recognize that if you believed that you deserved to be successful, your fears would be minimized if not resolved. Your belief puts you ahead of the pack because it allows you to see you as your full self.
I am not trying to tell you that being fearful is the only obstacle to achieving your dreams. I am not suggesting that fear and faith are one and the same. What I want you to take away from this is that fear is just you believing that something isn't possible for you. If you can retrain your mind to know that you deserve the best of all things, your fear can be redirected as faith. With hard work and planning, many of the things that you have identified for yourself can become a reality.
To all of you who are standing on the cusp of your dreams, please take that essential first step by believing that what you have designed can manifest itself into diligent action. And to my friend, who inspired this: when you believe, you will be unstoppable. I wish you this.
Often when we talk about fear, we try to address the fear, to make sure that we identify what is at the root of what is holding us back. But, thanks to my friend, I know that fear, like faith, is rooted in belief...let me repeat that: FEAR, LIKE FAITH, IS ROOTED IN BELIEF. What that means simply is that we deal with fear like it is its own entity. We ask questions (valid ones, no doubt) about the who, the why, the how, the where and the what about fear. However, what we might overlook is that fear (as it relates to progress) is you believing that something isn't possible.
You want to be successful, but you are afraid to do the necessary things to make this a reality. Why? Because you believe that you don't deserve to be successful...WHAT? (I hear you yelling!!). It might seem crazy, but it is true. You have to recognize that if you believed that you deserved to be successful, your fears would be minimized if not resolved. Your belief puts you ahead of the pack because it allows you to see you as your full self.
I am not trying to tell you that being fearful is the only obstacle to achieving your dreams. I am not suggesting that fear and faith are one and the same. What I want you to take away from this is that fear is just you believing that something isn't possible for you. If you can retrain your mind to know that you deserve the best of all things, your fear can be redirected as faith. With hard work and planning, many of the things that you have identified for yourself can become a reality.
To all of you who are standing on the cusp of your dreams, please take that essential first step by believing that what you have designed can manifest itself into diligent action. And to my friend, who inspired this: when you believe, you will be unstoppable. I wish you this.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Loving Yourself
Hey Beautiful--how much do you love yourself? Seriously...How. Much. Do. You. LOVE. Yourself? Many of us might fall into a rehearsed pseudo-confident, "I love me!!" full of the obligatory neck roll or hand on the hip to punctuate your seriousness about the strength of your self-love. But do you mean it? Down to your core--do you mean it? With every fiber of your being and down to the bone marrow, do you mean it? What do you love about you? What are the things you do well? What needs improvement? Why do you love yourself? Think about it, so many of us put on our game faces, but at the end of the day, we grapple with issues of self-worth and identity. And because of this, sadly, we don't truly know WHO and HOW we are.
Unfortunately, we often measure our value by what others tell us we are worth or by what we have. Both of those methods are sure fire self-love killers if you don't have people who speak greatness into your life or if your material possessions aren't top notch. Guess what? You will always fall short if you compare yourself to what others have. That's a quick way to feel bad about yourself constantly.
You have to know that you are your best thing; you know you best. No one can pour anything into you that you can't pour into yourself. Stop giving the best of you away. Too often, we save the scraps for ourselves because we have been taught that self-sacrifice is honorable. While sacrifice definitely has its place, no one should offer him or herself up as a sacrificial lamb. From this day forward, promise to love yourself without hesitation or compromise. You deserve it!!
To get you in the mood for practicing self-love, here is the classic poem, "Still I Rise" by the incomparable Maya Angelou. Enjoy!!
Still I Rise
by Maya Angelou
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own backyard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
"Still I Rise" courtesy of poets.org
Unfortunately, we often measure our value by what others tell us we are worth or by what we have. Both of those methods are sure fire self-love killers if you don't have people who speak greatness into your life or if your material possessions aren't top notch. Guess what? You will always fall short if you compare yourself to what others have. That's a quick way to feel bad about yourself constantly.
You have to know that you are your best thing; you know you best. No one can pour anything into you that you can't pour into yourself. Stop giving the best of you away. Too often, we save the scraps for ourselves because we have been taught that self-sacrifice is honorable. While sacrifice definitely has its place, no one should offer him or herself up as a sacrificial lamb. From this day forward, promise to love yourself without hesitation or compromise. You deserve it!!
To get you in the mood for practicing self-love, here is the classic poem, "Still I Rise" by the incomparable Maya Angelou. Enjoy!!
Still I Rise
by Maya Angelou
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own backyard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
"Still I Rise" courtesy of poets.org
Sunday, July 18, 2010
From the Soul Question: How Do You Handle Frustration
All of us feel frustrated at different times for various reasons. Unfortunately, we sometimes don't vent our frustrations in constructive ways and that is when we do ourselves a disservice. When you are frustrated, how do you handle it? Do you have someone you can talk to? Do you engage in self-destructive behaviors? Moving forward, make a vow to identify your frustrations and come up with a strategy to handle them BEFORE you get frustrated. This way, you can make a solid plan that will be beneficial to you when you need it most. In addition to making a plan, be sure to work to identify your body's cues that frustration is mounting. The benefit of this is that you might even be able to ward off frustration before it fully implants itself into your psyche. Frustration is a natural human emotion that can be destructive if it's left untended; however, frustration addressed properly can be used as motivation to do something better or differently.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Friday Flirt--Let's Start a Love Movement
I'm gonna start a love movement y'all. Seriously...far too many of us are missing romantic love in our lives. A couple of weeks back, I mentioned how we have forgotten about the art of seduction and the thrill of anticipation. When was the last time you were courted? When was the last time you went on a date with your spouse, significant other or a new prospect? When was the last time you put on all of your smell goods and a nice outfit to enjoy the company of your lover? When was the last time you felt truly beautiful (men, too) or sexy even?
I must confess that I'm guilty of ignoring the more sensual side of my nature. Family, work and other responsibilities have caused me to be distracted and neglect an essential part of my life: romance. Unfortunately, this is the first thing that often suffers when one's schedule is too tight. Recognizing this, I am trying to put more romance back into my life.
In that spirit, I introduce to you a new section called "Friday Flirts." It will usually feature a love song or a love poem to help you jump start your weekend eros. As I move forward in the quest to bring love back, I will seek to identify how we move in our love relationships. The first attempt to work towards love can be found in the following Anthony Hamilton song "Float." Hamilton's velvet vocals caress the notes and bring to mind a night of passion...Enjoy!
I must confess that I'm guilty of ignoring the more sensual side of my nature. Family, work and other responsibilities have caused me to be distracted and neglect an essential part of my life: romance. Unfortunately, this is the first thing that often suffers when one's schedule is too tight. Recognizing this, I am trying to put more romance back into my life.
In that spirit, I introduce to you a new section called "Friday Flirts." It will usually feature a love song or a love poem to help you jump start your weekend eros. As I move forward in the quest to bring love back, I will seek to identify how we move in our love relationships. The first attempt to work towards love can be found in the following Anthony Hamilton song "Float." Hamilton's velvet vocals caress the notes and bring to mind a night of passion...Enjoy!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
And Then There's Hope...
"Back when I had a little,
I thought that I needed a lot.
A little was overrated;
But a lot was a little too complicated.
You see, zero didn't satisfy me;
A million didn't make me happy.
That's when I learned a lesson:
That it's all about your perception,
Hey, are you a pauper or a superstar?
So you act, so you feel, so you are.
It ain't about the size of your car,
It's about the size of the faith in your heart..."
~ "There's Hope" by India Arie
The dictionary describes hope as "the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best." Hope is what many have said "springs eternal" and is "everlasting." Clichés aside, the spirit of hope can't fully be described. Its essence is so necessary, but in many ways it is indefinable. Sometimes hope rests in the intake of breath or the bat of an eye. Or hope comes in written word or a musical note. At other times, hope rests in a hug or a first kiss or...
Too many of us get caught up in the rigor of our daily lives and we sacrifice a bit of our hopefulness for a cautious "wait and see" attitude. We don't want to give in to our inner selves where hope resides. That little tingle of anticipation, of having, of needing, of visualizing--that's hope. Hope signals the possibility of what is to come, where dreams and plans intersect.
In so many ways, we have lost the ability to be hopeful. As we grow and mature, we might equate hope with an unnecessary use of energy: "I don't want to hope; I'd rather see how things turn out." But why? Hope is an essential life skill; in order to get to the next level of your life, you have to plan, you have to implement and guess what? You have to hope. In the beginning, there is hope, sometimes mistaken as want or desire. In the first moments, before you know, you hope.
I thought that I needed a lot.
A little was overrated;
But a lot was a little too complicated.
You see, zero didn't satisfy me;
A million didn't make me happy.
That's when I learned a lesson:
That it's all about your perception,
Hey, are you a pauper or a superstar?
So you act, so you feel, so you are.
It ain't about the size of your car,
It's about the size of the faith in your heart..."
~ "There's Hope" by India Arie
The dictionary describes hope as "the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best." Hope is what many have said "springs eternal" and is "everlasting." Clichés aside, the spirit of hope can't fully be described. Its essence is so necessary, but in many ways it is indefinable. Sometimes hope rests in the intake of breath or the bat of an eye. Or hope comes in written word or a musical note. At other times, hope rests in a hug or a first kiss or...
Too many of us get caught up in the rigor of our daily lives and we sacrifice a bit of our hopefulness for a cautious "wait and see" attitude. We don't want to give in to our inner selves where hope resides. That little tingle of anticipation, of having, of needing, of visualizing--that's hope. Hope signals the possibility of what is to come, where dreams and plans intersect.
In so many ways, we have lost the ability to be hopeful. As we grow and mature, we might equate hope with an unnecessary use of energy: "I don't want to hope; I'd rather see how things turn out." But why? Hope is an essential life skill; in order to get to the next level of your life, you have to plan, you have to implement and guess what? You have to hope. In the beginning, there is hope, sometimes mistaken as want or desire. In the first moments, before you know, you hope.
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