Don't Wake Me...Am I Dreaming?

In honor of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I would like to celebrate the man and his legacy by looking at where Black folks are today and examine if we have lost sight of his dream.

The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. has cemented his place in our world as an iconic figure. His speeches, essays, sermons, testimonials, marches, movements, vigils, sit ins, all underscore his rightful place as a cultural, spiritual, religious and human rights leader. On his national holiday, I am reflecting on Dr. King's dream and its upkeep by his descendants and beneficiaries.

Although Dr. King envisioned a world where "all of God's children" would come together, I'm going to direct this post to Black folks, Negroes, Coloreds, African Americans and yes, you so called, self proclaimed "N!gg@$"--I am especially talking to you. Dr. King paid the ultimate price with his life to ensure freedoms for all mankind. He gave his life, so that we could enjoy a world without limitations, without segregation, without discrimination. He put himself in the Lion's mouth to make sure that people he would never meet would be able to move about this world without restraints and restrictions. He sacrificed himself to make sure that our people and our families would be able to move through this world as FULL beings and enjoy a world that saw us as equal citizens. And here we are more than 40 years after his death and I ask you--how are you fanning the flames of Dr. King's Dream? How are you keeping his words and life's work alive?

Let me tell you what I know for sure: there are some beautiful people in the world--in all forms. But when I look at the state of affairs in the Black community overall (and I'm gonna be real general for illustration purposes), I am saddened. Let's look at Dr. King's words and examine where we are today. Let's see how we measure up to Dr. King's Dream:

"But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition" (MLK, "I Have a Dream"). Considering where we are in 2011, do you feel as if great progress has been made since the four decades when this speech was given? While we have a Black president (he self identifies as a Black man, no discussion needed), where is our representation in Congress? What about Black owned banks? Look around your neighborhood--do you live around mostly Black, White or a mix? Look at your group of friends--are they a mixed group or do the overwhelming majority look like you? What about statistics for joblessness, homelessness, drug addiction, imprisonment, etc.? Don't look at numbers, look at percentages. How many of us are still crippled by discrimination or have we bought into the hype of the so-called Post-Racial America?

"But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force" (MLK, "I Have a Dream"). As we move forward in our quest for righteousness, we must not use violence as a tool to get ahead. In my interpretation, I must speak to the violence in our own communities. In many ways, the violence that we direct inward and to our fellow brethren is a result of the way we are positioned in society. Because we are bombarded with images of Blacks as violent, misogynistic, drug addicted, sexually promiscuous, welfare living, low moral having, gun toting, ebonics talking, hip hop listening, pants sagging, unmarried baby making, no daddy having savages, we don't always embrace the beauty of who we are. We become discouraged and this leads to self-hate which can manifest in black on black violence. The violence that MLK said was unacceptable in regards to all movements toward progress. If we are to stop the destruction of our society, we must begin internally.

And finally, "With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day" (MLK "I Have a Dream"). Faith, hope, transformation, togetherness--these are the things that we need to move forward to become better, to do better. There are many of us who are walking the walk and talking the talk. There are many of us who are doing the right things in our families, communities, schools, churches, work places, etc. There are many, but...not enough. So today, I am asking you to move forward in the effort to make Dr. King's legacy a permanent fixture in our daily walk. We can't continue to live under the benchmark of greatness that has been claimed for our lives. We can't continue to live up to the ridiculous stereotypes that society has claimed for us. We must do better and we must do better NOW. We cannot continue to use slavery as the reason for our present misdeeds. The atrocities forced on our communities during that time may have some residue in today's society, but use that to motivate you towards greatness and not keep you down.

Do better, be better, want better, help more, do more, learn more, pull your pants up, get on birth control, honor your body, get an education, go to work, learn proper English, be brave, help your neighbor, protect your family, do your best, be your best, respect your elders, respect your families, respect yourself, clean your body, clean your mind, read a book, learn to spell, put down the guns, put away the knives, don't do drugs, raise your children, help your community...(or something like that). Happy MLK day! I'm living the Dream--are you?

An Early Interview With MLK

Village People

One of my childhood friends posted on FB lamenting the loss of "The Village." Y'all know, "THE VILLAGE"? That place where old gra'mamas and gran'daddies were quick to cut a switch to chastise an unruly child? The neighborhood where any and ev'ry person older than you had a right to put you in your place and even spank your tail if need be (follow along, folks--there's gonna be a lot of colloquial language in this post). The place where all adults were addressed as Mrs., Mr. or Ms. So and So? Or if your family was close to them, they were called Auntie, Uncle or Cousin Such and Such? Everyone in The Village knew you and all of your bizness (if you were old enough to have any). The place where street gangs had standards and even operated like mini-Pac Tacs keeping the outside riff raff from harming the local folks (crazy, but true)?

I remember The Village: they were the folks who instilled the fear of God (pronounced GA-UHD--in my southern Baptist Preacher voice) in children and who made us stand up a little straighter and talk a little lower when they were within earshot or eye sight. The Villagers didn't, as James Brown said, "Take no mess" and thank goodness we didn't try them too often. Remember when we were growing up (anyone before 1980) and we had to sneak and do stuff? I remember knowing if anyone in my neighborhood saw me doing anything unbecoming, my @ss was grass and any one of them would be the lawnmower? (Insert trembling child here). Shute!! I was scared of these folks, not because they were mean (although some of them were); I was scared of these folks because I knew that their hopes and dreams were poured into me and their children and grandchildren and they were willing to do whatever to make sure that we didn't mess up. What.ever. (Who callin' CPS? You better toe the line!!)

Listen, I was raised by my grandmother, who hailed from the South. We grew up under "heavy manners" (as my Trini friend would say). The Village was watching: we polished our shoes on Sunday and washed any laces for sneakers; we wore foundation garments and slips under our dresses. The young men wore belts and hard bottomed shoes to church on Sunday. We brushed our hair and teeth with equal enthusiasm. We had to look sharp because The Villagers didn't play. Cleanliness was next to Godliness indeed!! We had Chores (*gasps*). Yup, actual chores that we did on Saturday mornings while listening to old school R and B on the local radio station. And we didn't complain (at least not loud enough to be heard--who had a death wish?). We hopped our dusty butts out the bed and got our buckets of pinesol, bleach, and furniture polish and went to work. The Villagers demanded a clean space as well as a clean body.

But the Village wasn't all pressed shirts and Saturday chores. The Village was kickball games, block parties, corner stores, juleps (whatchall know about a julep stand?), etc. It was a place where children could be children because the adults had their roles covered. We could stay out until the street lights came on and then we scattered (like roaches, I guess) and got home "just in time." Y'all remember kickball, dodge ball, shoot 'em bust 'em up (not as violent as it sounds), basketball at the local court or rec center? Do y'all remember penny candy that actually costed (yeah, I wrote costed) a penny? Do y'all remember peppermints in your pickles? Man, I'm getting nostalgic writing this...(I'm about to go buy some Boston Baked Beans and then blow in the empty carton to make a whistle sound *sigh*).

I'm telling you, these kids today don't know nothing about The Village. They don't have the benefit of true neighborhoods where all the kids played together no matter how much money they had or who lived in the home. It was truly "all for one and one for all." Y'all need some food? Food cupboard, nothing. The neighbors went to their own meager cupboards and somehow made meals and brought food to whosoever needed it. Need some money? Man, the local numbers runner also doubled as a credit union and you could just pay him back a little at a time so long as you sent him a fresh pie and a plate of colla'd greens on Sunday. Man, The Village was all right. We took care of our own. What you know about 9-1-1? Somebody broke into your house? Any of the local thugs would be puttin' his ear to the street to find out who got'cho stuff. And when he brought it back to you and told you "don't ask any questions, ma'am", you chastised him for beatin' somebody up? #Thevillagedon'tdiscriminate.

Listen, the Village had some problems (this post ain't about that), but I am tellin' you (in my Dreamgirls voice) that the Village boosted up a lot more than it broke. That it shaped a lot more than it shortchanged. I am a walking testament that living under the watchful eye of the Villagers made me the woman I am today: a God fearing, peppermint in pickle eatin', Saturday chore doin', old school R and B list'nin, foundation garment wearin', shoe polishin', colla'd green making RESPECTFUL jr. Villager. I am a proud product of the Village and I stand on the shoulders of the Villagers who helped shaped me. Thank you Grandma, Grandaddy Frank, Ms. Myrtle, Ms. Henrietta, Ms. Delores, Ms. Tee, So Sporty, Grandaddy Sam, Shake and Bake, Mr. Vaughn, Mr. Willie Dennis, and many more...Thank you for looking over me and watching out for me and being an unconventional family...

"Every Ghetto, Every City" by Lauryn Hill

Hello, New Year!!!!!

Happy New Year, Good People!! As we usher in a new year, I just want to want to say that for many of us, the new year offers the promise of a fresh beginning and a chance to start over. However, I want you to take some time to think of all the beautiful things you did last year and will continue to do in the new year. Too often, we look at New Year's Day as a makeover free for all and forget that we might be doing some really good things that need to carry over into the new year. Crazy, right? But it's soooo true. Here's my list of things I'm taking into the new year (in no particular order):

Working out:
I just recently started working out and I like the way it makes me feel. I was going to wait until 1/01/2011, but decided to start early. I'm loving the MJ Experience game for Wii and I could dance to it all night (well, in short bursts until I get my stamina up). I will definitely keep at it because I want to be healthier.

Drinking only tap water and diet beverages
I stopped drinking bottled water in April after being schooled by some very knowledgeable people and I will continue to do so. I need to keep my blood sugar in check, so it's been mostly diet beverages. I like that I'm focused on my health and want to set a good example for my children.

Writing more
I have been writing more since I started blogging!! I love that I get to reach out to so many people via the Web. I have been writing for a book that I want to have published soon. So, I am definitely going to write more next year!

Being a good listener
I like to help people, but one of my greatest strengths is being a good listener. When people come to me for advice or just to vent, they know that they have my full, undivided attention.

Treating others how I want to be treated
This is a big one for me. People always tell me how nice I am and I think it's because I follow the golden rule. It's that simple. I believe in the laws of reciprocity and karma...

So that's my short list. I must say that I really like the person I am. I work very hard on being better and I would like to think that it shows. So, in 2011, I want to continue my journey of enlightenment as I strive to be a better wife, mother, granddaughter, sister, friend, auntie, professor, etc...By no means am I perfect (or even close to it); however, I think it's so easy to point out what we do wrong, I wanted to point out a few things I do well. I pledge to take more time for myself, sleep more and laugh more (even when I get my braces). I want to make sure I surround myself with people I love and who love me. I want to make sure that I listen to my intuition and trust my inner voice.

What do you do well and what are you going to work on? Whatever it is, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!


"New Attitude" by Patti LaBelle

Resolutions: When People Show You Who They Are...

As the New Year approaches, I am revisiting some areas of my life that need revamping. I want to take stock of where I am and where I want to be. Considering this, I want to look at how I can still be a helpful, nurturing person without sacrificing my own self-hood. I want deal with people in ways that are mutually beneficial. All my life, I have been a nurturer. I have been the one people run to when they have needed advice, needed to be fed, needed someone to listen, needed someone to care, needed someone to make them laugh, heck, any time they needed someone to (fill in the blank). And quite honestly, I have mostly enjoyed helping people. Even when I'm tired, I get satisfaction from filling someone's cup. I like the fact that folks can count on me. As a result of my actions, I have found that most people think I'm nice, well, probably more than nice and that's okay with me. *Insert smile*

However, I do realize that there is a downside to being a nurturer--you tend to always look for the best in people. And no matter how many other folks see people as selfish, low down, no count, ungrateful or whatever, I try to see the best in them. Even when they prove themselves to be selfish, low down, no count, ungrateful or whatever. Now, I am no one's fool, but I do have a soft heart. So this year, I'm gonna do better about seeing people as they are and not how I want them to be. Because sometimes, when people show you who they are, you have to believe them. Sad to say, but sometimes, people are just who they have shown you and everyone else they are. And despite anyone's best intentions, they will continue to do what they will do and be how they will be.

This might not seem like a big revelation to some people out there, but to me: it's monumental. See, I nurture folks because I want to see them do better, have better, know better, etc. I want them to know that someone in this world is here for them. But now I'm starting to understand that some people can't be helped. That whenever you show them up, they wanna look down. You show them joy and all they see is pain. You show them love and...well, you get broken. True story.

If I could heal the world, I would. I don't mean in a superficial way where I get all the credit for being a great benefactor, a wonderful donor, an empathetic humanitarian--nope, I would do it how I do it now--on the low. See I want the best for people and sometimes, I have to understand that some things are better left broken and some people are better left alone. *insert sad face.* Maybe someone who is reading this is thinking, well, it's not about you, it's about them. If you are really helping people, then you shouldn't care how they respond. Just help. And I will tell you that that's how I've been operating...help, help, help...but you know what? I'm tired. Because I'm nurturing people not sheep. And even though I understand that people only do what they can do, I have to understand this for myself as well--I can only do what I can do.

I've always been that child who wished on stars, prayed to God, hoped against hope and believed that people will do better, be better, want better. I won't ever lose that part of myself. However, what I do know is that my desire for something doesn't make it true. Because I want the best for someone or many someones, doesn't mean it will be because maybe, just maybe this is who and how they are. And no matter how many wishes I make, this is the only way they know how to be. See, when people show you who they are, you have to believe them.

For the New Year, my resolution related to this is that I will continue to work to be a blessing in the lives of others. When I give, I will continue to do so with an open heart and a willing spirit. I will make sure that my actions match my thoughts. And (this may be most important), when someone shows me who he or she is, I will deal with them accordingly. No harm, no foul. I will protect myself and my heart and I will believe them when they show me the how and the what of the who they really are. Fareal fareal.

Peace.

"I Keep" by Jill Scott

Hang All the Mistletoe

I am blessed to come from a family who celebrates every.single.holiday. My grandmother always made sure that we had a good time whether it was a family barbeque for the Fourth of July (her birthday) to a turkey and dressing filled Thanksgiving. We ate, laughed and had a good ole time. Christmas was particularly festive: we had stockings, decorations, a beautiful tree and a blow up Santa and all the reindeer (my grandma was and still is da' queen of holiday decorating). Our house was the spot and yup, we ate, laughed and had a good ole time.

And you know what? We still do!! Despite all of our stuff, we still hang out together for all the holidays. It's never about the gifts, it's always been about the family. I love my family, with every fiber of my being, with everything I have. I love the spirit of the season and I am blessed to be surrounded by people I love and who love me back. From my family to yours, Happy Holidays!! And to get the party started, here are a few of my must have Christmas tunes:

"Every Year Every Christmas" by Luther Vandross



"My Favorite Things" by The Supremes



"Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto" by James Brown



"Silent Night" by The Temptations



"This Christmas" by Donny Hathaway



"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" by The Jackson Five



"Please Come Home For Christmas" by Charles Brown

We Fall Down, But...Um...Get Yo'self Up

Some of us get dealt a rough hand in life. No silver spoons, no doting parents, no easy way to go...plain and simple: it's a hard knock life (in my Annie voice). Some people go through more sadness than a Lifetime movie marathon, but...they survive. And not only do they survive, some even thrive!! *Insert hand claps and fist pumps.*

Have you ever looked at someone you know has had a rocky road and wonder how he or she made it through the storm? Maybe you are that person. Maybe your friends look at your resiliency and admire your ability to bounce back from whatever is thrown your way. Considering this, have you ever questioned why some of us are able to land on our feet no matter how many curve balls life throws? I have. I often wonder what separates the people who are able to overcome life's obstacles from those who collapse at the first sign of conflict. You know them, the people who can't sustain and have limited coping skills? I'm not knocking anyone for having down moments or feeling sorry for yourself...I'm talking about the people who stay down. They're not my kind.

I come from a crew of thrivers. Folks who have been baptized by fire. Folks who hit the ground running whenever, however, wherever. I was raised by people who created the "S" that New Age Superwomen wear on our chests. Women who spoke truth to power and polished the steel in their spines by the light of the moon. I love resilient people. I love people who are able to trump downfalls, shortfalls, pitfalls, heck even Niagara Falls. I love the folks who dust themselves off and make it do what it do, baby (channeling Ray Charles).

The next time you find yourself down in the dumps, broke down and feeling as if you are coming undone, I want you to GET UP!! That's right!! Get up and proclaim that you are going to get over this hurdle and step into your new life. The life that you desire. See you only get one life--this isn't a dress rehearsal. You have to make sure that you harness your power to live out your best life. Inside of you is a thriver, someone who makes lemonade out of misery and magic out of dust. Inside of you is your strength. Be sure to tap into it!!

Erykah Badu "My Life"

Getting to Happy...

Ok, so the title of this post invokes Terry McMillian's latest work and that's intended. Recently, I facilitated a book talk that centered around this novel. One of the things that the attendees and I spoke to was the sadness in each of the female characters' lives. We knew the title stated getting to happy, but the consensus was that the journey didn't have to be that hard or that long (no spoilers). Annnnddd, it didn't seem as if anyone was truly happy at the end (oops--slight spoiler). So that got me to thinking--what is happiness? How do you truly measure something that is so indescribable, yet so palpable? I see many people walking around and living their lives, searching for satisfaction, but falling short.

How many of us know someone who, no matter what they have, still never seems satisfied? I don't mean the "go-gettas" who are the movers and shakers always aspiring to get the next big break. Who I am speaking about are the folks who are abundantly blessed but seem to be cursed with the Eeyore gene. No matter how good life is, they only see the hardships or the struggle or the pain or the...(insert any sad noun). Now I am not suggesting that one should run around like Pollyanna and be super de-duper happy about ev.er.y.thing. What I am suggesting is that we try to tap into the things that give us pleasure.

Full disclosure: I have been through some thangs in my life (insert violins and tears)--for real. I have experienced enough sadness to bring down a small town, enough disappointments to cripple a tiny village. But guess what? As many times as I have seen heartbreak, I have experienced joy tenfold. As much as I have seen darkness, I have taken comfort in the sun ten times over. See, because I understand that in each life a little rain must fall (old school R&B reference) and I understand that I don't deserve to have it any easier than the next person. I might sound crazy, but I promise you that I am so serious. See, I want to have it easy, to skip through life with no pain or sorrow. But really I don't. Because the truth is: the woman I am is mostly defined by my scabs and scars. I'm not suggesting that we should ask for hard times, but I am suggesting that we make peace with the knowledge that we all will go through some stuff. And how we handle that stuff, shows who we truly are.

In those moments of hardship, we get to develop our character, our compassion and our humanity. We get to sift through the muck of life and pick out the things that truly benefit us, enrich us or sustain us. As we move towards happy, we have to embrace the journey, as beautiful and as broken as it may be. We have to understand that it's the getting to that truly defines the "happy." I'm happy, are you?

Earth, Wind and Fire "Keep Your Head to the Sky"